Ohmigod…

That’s what fans of them Detroit Pistons, me being one of ‘em, can say after watching Shaquille O’Neal return to his vintage form in this best-of-seven Eastern Conference finals series.

A series that looks so damn close to being a Miami Heat parade to the NBA Finals.

A series that looks so damn close to being a farewell party for Detroit.

But hey, they STILL need to beat the Pistons ONE MORE TIME so I ain’t losing hope on my Pistons yet.

In Game 4, Shaquille O’Neal dropped 21 points, nine rebounds and two blocked shots to help the Miami Heat fuel a 3-1 lead in this best-of-seven series. Well, that is nothing compared to the play he had that sent the Miami crowd into an utter frenzy.

O’Neal, all 325 pounds of the 34-year-old giant, stole the ball from Richard Hamilton, grabbing the loose ball, driving the distance of the court and then kissing one off the glass in the second quarter.

It seemed as if O’Neal took about some extra steps to go the distance on a…

Domination.

This is exactly what Rafael Nadal displayed, every single time he plays clay. And no, I’m not talking about the times Nadal plays and then eats his Play-Doh.

Last week, Nadal’s phone rang (who cares huh?) and on the other end of the line was tennis legend, Guillermo Vilas, a four Grand Slam title champion and the very man who held a record of consecutive victories on clay since 1977.

A record never broken, until a Rafael Nadal came in.

Vilas said, ‘’I'm angry. You’re showing a lack of respect for your elders. If I see you, I don’t know what I’m going to do to you.'’

Hmm… A little bitter perhaps?

Nadal, being the stupid Spaniard that he is, (and the last thing we need is yet another stupid Spaniard changing sports history eh?) Nadal stammered for a moment before catching on.

Nadal broke Vilas’ mark with his 54th straight win on clay, overcoming a 4-2 deficit in the 68-minute second set and beating Robin Soderling of Sweden 6-2, 7-5, 6-1 at Roland Garros to begin defense of his first…

If you were stuck on the world’s greatest beach with the world’s greatest bitch, is that good or bad?

Tricky. You’ll need help from Dr. Beach. Doctor who? No, not Dr. Who. There’s him, and Dr. Seuss, and Dr. Dre. Now meet Dr. Beach.

International beach expert Stephen Leatherman isn’t nicknamed Dr. Beach for nothing. Director of Florida International University’s Laboratory for Coastal Research, he has compiled an annual top ten list of America’s Best Beaches for 16 years now. In the coolness meter, he’s the doc with the best excuse to ‘examine’ tanned babes in skimpy Roxy Girls bikinis.

More amusing is that only either Hawaii or Florida has topped this Best Beach list since 1991. Hawaii, which the good doctor dubs “our tropical paradise for America”, has won 11 times while Florida is a distant second at 5 times. Note, Californians, that your beloved state is never tops on Dr. Beach’s list of great beaches.

2006 is no different: a Maui beach named Fleming Beach Park is No. 1 on the list. You get to have calendaresque views of the Pacific Ocean and Molokai Island whilst you propose to your b!tch on this mile-long, crescent-shaped, white sand beach. Not surprisingly, seven other Hawaii beaches made it to the 2006 top ten, and two Florida beaches.

Leatherman named Fort De Soto Park’s north beach in Florida as…

Coach Flip, Ben Wallace can’t guard Shaq with single coverage.

You must’ve known this by now, after watching Shaq pound Detroit inside the paint in games 1 and 3.

Yes, Ben Wallace is an excellent defender, but goddammit, Shaq is seven-feet tall and surely, you can’t expect somebody at 6′9′’ stop this seven-foot, 300-pound monster.

Jeez…

I know I know, the Pistons thrive in these situations, situations that place their entire season on the line with just one goddamn game.

Yeah, it’s great to see the Pistons come back from precarious situations but c’mon, they can’t do that ALL THE TIME, hell, they’re THIS close from giving me a heart attack…

So puh-lease Pistons… Do all of us a favor and just double-team Shaq. Dwyane Wade can hurt you with timely shots from the perimeter but hey, as good as Dwyane is, he’s still not Kobe Bryant and with that said, he’ll miss some of them jumpers sooner or later so you just have to let him shoot and hope that he’ll miss.

Also, what the F*CK’s up with Rip Hamilton?!?

Rip is just there, standing still, while watching Rasheed Wallace turn…

Aren’t they all?

In Clairefontaine, France, several France players like Thierry Henry, criticized the Paris crowd for booing their team in a soccer game.

A game in which they won, 1-0, over Mexico for their World Cup warm-up game.

‘’We’re starting to wonder whether the Paris fans really want us to win games,'’ Arsenal striker, Thierry Henry said.

Henry was a substitute at Stade de France and stayed on the bench.

The Paris crowd booed coach Raymond Domenech, goalkeeper Fabien Barthez and a couple more players during the team announcement. Whistles were heard afterwards when midfielder Vikash Dhorasoo came in for Zinedine Zidane.

Zinedine Zidane will be retiring after the 2006 FIFA World Cup. Zidane was playing his last match on the pitch, scoring twice in France’s 3-0 upset of Brazil in the 1998 World Cup finals.

‘’You would never see that in England,'’ said Henry. ‘’Even when we’re losing at…'’

Game Sevens.

These are the games where we see Michael Jordan take his defender before burning that fade-away jumper down. These are the games where we see the better team come back from a 30-point deficit to beat an opponent with pure determination.

Game Sevens, quite frankly, redefine what competition is really about. And these 2006 NBA Playoffs saw a lot of that.

On that note, let’s take a look at some of the best Game Sevens the NBA has ever seen. Get ready for nostalgia because we will take a trip back in history and see who became legends then, and who were buried in the bottomless pit of mediocrity.

On May 31, 1998, the Eastern Conference Finals saw a pivotal Game Seven between the Indiana Pacers and the Chicago Bulls. The Bulls had not been tested in a Game 7 since 1992 when they destroyed a New York Knicks team led by the incomparable Patrick Ewing, 110-81.

Everything was going for Indiana as Michael Jordan struggled with a dismal 9-25 shooting from the field. But the rest of the Bulls just refused to give in and after Steve Kerr buried a three-pointer, after…

‘’I felt something lick my foot.'’

That’s how a woman described her somewhat, weird ordeal as she unloaded her groceries at a Wal-Mart parking lot.

In Tulsa, Oklahoma, police is searching for a man who hid under his victim’s car to lick the victim’s toes. The victim, a woman, loaded her groceries into her car when the culprit couldn’t help himself and placed his tongue on the woman’s somewhat ‘’sexy toes.'’

That is according to the report filed after the incident.

The woman was at the Tulsa Wal-Mart located near 81st Street and Lewis when she suddenly felt her toes being licked.

She thought it was a dog. When she looked down, she saw a man lying under her car.

The woman said, ‘’I felt something lick my foot. I looked at him and I said, ‘What in the hell are you doing?’ And that’s exactly what I said.'’

Um… Nothing lady. Just helping you cure athlete’s foot perhaps?

The culprit got up and ran away before police arrived at the…

Where’s Pamela Anderson when you need her?

As of press time, the Detroit Pistons are still trying to figure out how many games will they allow Pat Riley to win. As of the moment, the Dallas Mavericks are still setting up Steve Nash to his most humiliating playoff series defeat. Ever.

Yup, Detroit and Dallas ain’t over the hump of their respective Conference Finals series yet BUT I tell you this, it’s only a matter of time.

Why will the Detroit Pistons advance despite dropping the all-important Game 1 of their Eastern Conference Finals series with Miami? Well, for one, Detroit is a team who digs a hole for itself first before finding that ‘’button'’ to turn it on.

When turned on, that’s all she wrote.

Rip said it best after they ended LeBron’s stupid kingdom in Game 7 of the East Semis. ‘’If it ain’t rough, it ain’t right.'’

Many are counting out the Pistons already. Heck, someone even told me that Miami will sweep the Pistons and it will be Miami going up against the Phoenix Suns in the NBA Finals.

Jeez… That guy must be living in bizarro world…