It’s official. There are more drunks around the White House than in famously bad-ass US cities.

In the 2006 Forbes list of America’s Drunkest Cities, Washington, DC ranked higher than Los Angeles, New York, Miami, and New Orleans. They all ranked lower than Las Vegas but, oddly, Sin City did not even make the top ten. Milwaukee ranked #1 while Nashville came last as #35 in this Forbes survey on the largest US cities in terms of state laws, drinkers, heavy drinkers, binge drinkers, and alcoholism.

It’s a country where college football betting tips involve beer bongs and bungie shots; duh, America has a drinking situation. As a bit of consolation, though, the US did produce such brilliant drunks as Ernest Hemingway, born in #6 Chicago; Edgar Allan Poe, born in #4 Boston; German-born Charles Bukowski and Tom Waits, both based in #23 LA; Johnny Cash, based in #35 Nashville and elsewhere in Tennessee.

Forbes List of America’s Drunkest Cities in 2006

#14 Las Vegas *ranked no. 4 in state laws
Seriously, it’s a poor showing for a city where booze, available anytime, comes paired with gambling, sex, and quickie weddings. Possibly all the drunks are just visiting, as tourism and conventions are top economic drivers other than casino gaming, a $9.1 billion industry last year. When The Mirage started the era of megaresorts in ‘89 while hurting downtown and Fremont, it was clear this was a place to get soused either way, out of happiness or sadness.

#20 Washington, DC – Baltimore *ranked no. 4 in state laws
So are there more 13-steppers from the Smithsonian Institution, Library of Congress, or Department of Defense? Even better, the District is also home to the National Institutes of Health, and the Food and Drug Administration. But what should really explain things is that the capital city was known as the US murder capital back in the early ’90s, as in people got killed before they could drink themselves to death.

#23 Los Angeles *ranked no. 8 in state laws
A drinking problem in the world’s popular entertainment capital is pretty self-explanatory: Hollywood, Sunset Strip, overly affluent locales like Bel-Air and Pacific Palisades, gang-ridden ‘hoods like East LA. Plus, US’ second largest city is its center for the toxic showbiz industry due to the presence of Walt Disney, Twentieth Century Fox, Warner Brothers, Sony Pictures, DreamWorks SKG, and the Oscars.

#24 New Orleans *ranked no. 4 in state laws
Who wouldn’t welcome inebriation in the midst of the Mardi Gras, Jazz Fest, Voodoo Fest, or Southern Decadence? How can water be enough to wash down the cooking of chefs Jules Alciatore and Emeril Lagasse, or the revelry at Bourbon Street and The Quarter? But if you think alcohol is poetic around here, know that The Big Easy had the highest murder rate of any major US city in 2002 and 2003.

#32 New York *ranked no. 8 in state laws
Agoraphobia is all the excuse you need for booze-bonding in the largest US city, with over 8.1 million residents plus 40 million tourists yearly. It is home to the United Nations, the largest Jewish community outside of Israel, and the largest African-American community of any US city. The fashionably tipsy crowds are from NASDAQ, the Stock Exchange, Carnegie Hall, the Metropolitan Museum of Art, and Lincoln Center.

#33 Miami *ranked no. 6 in state laws
The real-life inspiration for Grand Theft Auto: Vice City is in fact the country’s second most dangerous metropolitan area. It is the largest major US city in number of foreign-born citizens (LA is second), we wonder if there’s a connection. America’s third largest immigration port is its least affordable city for home ownership, so that’s a lot of uprooted, near-homeless outsiders drowning their sorrows in mojitos.

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