Britney Spears, Paris Hilton, and Lindsay Lohan are hands off more than just underwear these days.

The old new best friends (of one another and the paparazzi) have outdone themselves lately with celebrity party photos far skankier than strip poker pictures. The latest pics come not only with nipple slips and drunken walks of shame but the added bonus of Britney’s crotch-exposing upskirts, owing to her new-found love of nights out, undies down.

I can imagine the Crotch Queen’s desperate urge to feel liberated after being married to someone like K-Fed; however, for many of us, the joy of snacking while online is now forever ruined.

It seems the gal pals are stripped beyond panties. Lindsay Lohan, for one, is also hands off booze, or so her mother says. Mom Dina Lohan told Ryan Seacrest on his KIIS-FM Los Angeles radio show that her woozy daughter is attending AA meetings. Make no mistake: she wasn’t outing Lindsay’s drinking problem, saying Lindsay is just going along with friends.

“A lot of people she hangs out with go, and it’s a positive thing,” says Dina, now that she’s made Lindsay’s rendezvous with reforming alcoholics not so anonymous. “She’s 20 and I’m not gonna say, ‘Stay home and don’t go out.’ That’s a ridiculous thing to do.”

Right. I suppose this means visiting American soldiers in Iraq with Hillary Clinton is temporarily out. And anyway, Bodog betting odds are +400 Osama Bin Laden will be killed or captured in Iran, +150 in Afganistan, -150 in Pakistan. To add to a panty-less Britney, photos of Lindsay Lohan wearing the AA red sobriety chip ‘90 Days’ are making the Internet rounds this month.

As for Paris Hilton, she is hands off nemesis Zeta Graff, or so the court orders. The diamond heiress and other ex of Paris Latsis became the hotel heiress’ enemy No. 1 in summer last year, when she sued Paris Hilton for planting fake news in the New York Post that damaged her.

One report, which Paris already admitted is false, said Zeta ran into her and Latsis at a London club and tried to rip a $4 million diamond necklace from her throat. It quoted an anonymous (Oops, that word again…) source for saying, “This is a woman who is older and losing her looks, and she’s alone. She’s very unhappy.”

A California appeals court denied Paris Hilton’s request to probe Graff’s psychiatric records in preparation for the $10 million defamation suit. Which gets me thinking, who made less hits in their debut album — Paris or K-Fed? And are they still hoping for one as much as we are for the long-awaited release of Apple iPhone? Bodog betting props of -150 it will be out by April 2007, +110 it won’t.

Oddly, there is no Bodog prop betting of late on Britney Spears, Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan. This must be because the answer to the question — how amusing are they? — is no longer a mystery to wager on.

[Any celebrity you love to hate? Take it up on Internet betting propositions at Bodog Online Sportsbook, with online sports betting lines and odds that go from even to, well, odd.]