Whoopi Goldberg officially takes over the big dent, literally, left by Rosie O’Donnell on The View.

Not exactly good news for Elizabeth Hasselbeck. Not only because big-mouthed Rosie stamped her seal of approval on the choice, also because Whoopi is not exactly there to make Elizabeth’s life any better.

Zip it for people who thinks Barbara Walters made a safe choice in this lady. I don’t think Whoopi would back down when the endless discussion on that little problem in Iraq comes up. Remember how she got fired from her last job at Slim-Fast for a controversial speech about Bush?

We all know Ms. Goldberg always says what she means to say. Ain’t no stoppin’ this gal. Although reports have it that she has assured her new boss Barbs that she would only be “a little edgy” on the show.

Maybe she’s missing the point here. After Rosie’s messy stint, viewers want edgy. And I mean Jerry Springer-trashy edgy, the kind that will send Elizabeth’s temperature to the roof and break the chair on her co-host’s spine column.

Sorry Lizzie, you’ve been…

“They tried to make me go to rehab/I said no, no, no.” No, that’s not a line from a new Britney Spears album. That’s new Brit sensation Amy Winehouse’s autobiographical single, “Rehab”, hitting the airwaves.

Winehouse recently released her new album, “Back to Black”, in the US. And another British invasion is expected not only in the charts, but in the tabloid business as well.

See, the singer’s wild ways will overshadow the Britney-Paris-Lindsay antics even if you rolled them all into one. Winehouse admitted to being a drubka nd experimenting on drugs, without apologizing for any of it.

Her high-voltage personality and reputation for heavy drinking and smoking, and blunt speaking, have landed her, time and again, in the pages of the tabloid press.

She is also famously blunt in dissing fellow artists describing Dido’s sound as “background music — the background to death” and calling pop princess Kylie Minogue, “a pony.”

Even the bookmakers have hitched on the bandwagon taking bets on whether Winehouse will appear on her scheduled gigs or not. The odds offer comes after Winehouse cancelled a show and was photographed drinking in her…

As their men spend time playing baccarat at the casinos, the women spend theirs learning to love their body and build confidence — through strip dancing.

No, this is not Vegas. It’s in Taiwan.

And there’s even a school here that will teach you all that. College students, young professionals, models and even middle-aged housewives attend the “How to Look and Feel Sexy Workshop” being conducted by a Sexual Energy School in Teipei.

With the very conservative Chinese culture, very few would think a thing like this can happen in this lifetime.

But these are the Taiwanese, they are the more liberated faction among the one or so billion Chinese. The Taiwanese comprise a big chunk of the ‘new rich’ and they are the high-rollers that flock to Vegas and Macau casinos spending millions in baccarat and black jack game.

Good news to pervs who now have a new sex fantasy aside from those Japanese pubescent girls in their micro-mini school uniforms.

It’s no big surprise that the women will bring home not only tons of…

Am I the only one surprised there’s still a Miss Universe pageant in this day and age?

Some 100 contestants representing their countries in a bid to calim the title as the Queen of the Universe, and what do they achieve along with the crown? World peace? Not really, just more reason for Donald Trump to whore himself in the media.

One teeny-weeny interesting note may be is that this year’s contest begins with a controversy.

Miss Sweden Isabel Lestapier Winqvist has dropped out of the competition because Swedes say the Miss Universe competition is degrading to women and weighed down by scandals.

The “modern” beauty contests in Sweden has no swimsuit competition in an attempt to switch the focus to intelligence and education. Oh and beuty queens can pose on FHM, too, if they so like.

The Miss Universe, on the other hand, is judged solely on an interview and swimsuit and evening gown competitions. The process has been the same since it starte din 1961. Because, well, the queen of the universe should know how to wear that swimwear, right? We can’t have some fat-ass representing us to negotiate with the Klingons.

But seriously, how many of you still watch the live telecast beamed all over the world (and we presume…)

American Idol topics make me yawn, but like a fly taking a brief rest on your nose, you can’t really ignore it especially with the Finals Night set stage for a showdown between two unlikely finalists.

Jordin Sparks, the 17-year-old who can kick Blake Lewis‘ ass in more ways than one, is the bookmakers’ favorite for American Idol betting odds. If Melinda Doolittle were in competition, I believe this would be different.

It was almost a done deal that Jordin and Melinda will send tremors thru your TV screens as they hit the high notes song after song. But, well, Blake beat-boxed his way into the finals. Silent little crawler that one.

Although I would have preferred a Blake-Sanjaya Malakar head-to-head. Now, that’s entertainment. Not to mention witnessing how Simon Cowell’s head will explode on live broadcast. Or maybe that face-ff ought to be on America’s Got Talent.

Much as I want Blake to claim the cake, America takes its talent show very seriously. So Jordin will probably win. Because America prefers to give the trophy to the howling divas. Celine Dion? Mariah Carey? If you want to torture me, an exile to the Arctic woul be better than forcibly listening to these two.

However, not the bookmakers nor Simon nor I have the clearest picture on who will win come Wednesday night. Simon says “One is a better entertainer (Lewis) and one is a better singer (Sparks).”

But if my predictions are right, then expect the expected. And brace yourself for…

And then there were three.

American Idol sent Lakisha Jones home a week after Simon Cowell offered to kiss her leaving him with a smothered lipstick the rest of the night. This time not even a ‘kiss my ass’ last goodbyes were exchanged. Although every American Idol betting odds showed that this mama was on the verge of getting the boot.

Now three contestants remain: Jordin Sparks, Melinda Doolittle, and that human boom box Blake Lewis. That You Give Love A Bad Name version he did last week sounded like an 80s electronic DJ remix. You gotta hand it to this kid for being original.

Having said that, I think I’d like Blake to win no matter how wishful thinking that looks. For once spare us of these tiresome belters who keep shoving ‘em high notes down our infected eardrums. Give more points to showmanship and improvisation.

I mean, c’mon, pop idols in reality aren’t the best singers in town. If that’s the hard standard then we should be burning these Justin Timberlakes and Britney Spears on the incinerators. Forget that most of us would love to do just that anytime anyway.

However, it’s been clear that many AI hardcore fanatics and even Simon would love to see a showdown between Jordin and Melinda. This to keep up the pretension that the show is serious about launching the best singer among them.

So in this case Blake is most likely to say sayonara next week. I can’t help but think more and more then that there is a greater design in all these. And Sanjaya Malakar’s overstaying welcome…

I’m sure you’re all agog to realize that OJ hasn’t mention Paris Hilton going to jail in the past week. I can’t believe it either that JJ Jack missed this latest scandal on his favorite skanky hoe.

Well, jail-bound Ms. Hilton isn’t giving up her Prada without a fight. The heiress, or rather he faithful lawyers, has filed an appeal to overturn the 45-day jail sentence for violating the terms of her probation in an alcohol-related reckless driving case bestowed to her by a California judge a few days ago.

Paris is sticking by her story that her publicist Eliot Mintz informed her it’s okay to drive to and from work even with her license suspended and indignanly calls the sentence as “both cruel and unwarranted”.

My question is: where exactly is that work place? I reckon it’s the hot nightclub strip where she drinks, pukes, and shows off her underpants every night.

BTW, Mintz got sacked for misinforming our poor little victim. But a day later all parties announce that all’s well in paradise.

Aside from the appeal, Paris has lodged a campaign to keep her ass from ever touching that icky bunker bed in prison. On her MySpace blog, she urged fans to join her in a desperate plea to California governor Arnold Schwarzenegger to keep her out of jail.

A clearly deluded superfan started the Free Paris Hilton petition, which in part says: “We, the American public who support Paris, are shocked, dismayed and appalled by how Paris has been the person to be used as an example that Drunk Driving is wrong. We do not support drunk driving or DUI charges. Paris should have been sober. But she shouldn’t go to jail, either.”

Yeah, she should have been sober. But she wasn’t was she? Then she was caught speeding minus her driving license not once, but TWICE! So she…

There was a humongous sigh of relief that sent waves across the globe after Sanjaya Malakar was booted out of American Idol tonight.

Yeah, I guess America realized it has had enough of his silly antics that it was time to get down to real business of discovering the next manufactured pop idol whose existence we’ll probably half forget come the show’s next season.

You see he’s like bubblegum. Pretty soon it loses its taste and he wasn’t funny anymore. Including his hair.

So what do we watch now? Some boring compilation of cliches week after week with these contestants belting out to the point of throwing their tonsils out on our TV screens?

Did all the teenyboppers get extended detention last night barring them from going near the phone to vote for their unloved idol? Hmmm…I smell conspiracy here. Even Ryan Seacrest could not hide his girly-man crush on Sanjaya after final vote counts were announced. “I can promise you: We won’t soon forget you.”

Even with Simon Cowell’s eye-rolling controversy, the gun control issue, Kim Jong Il’s threat to bomb our asses off, or Iran’s persistence to continue its nuclear program, none of the mattered this night. The biggest news in the universe is Sanjaya’s…

U2 frontman, Bono, could not be ignored aymore.

Even the British empire succumbed to his ever growing power and gave him its highest honor — British Knighthood. But you can’t call him Sir Bono.

The title of ’sir’ is only reserved to citizens of the United Kingdom or British Commonwealth countries. Ireland left the Commonwealth when it became a republic in 1949. That kinda sucks, it’s like saying: “We’re giving you the pudding but you can’t actually eat it.” It’s just, well, a symbol.

To his son though, his daddy just became a Jedi. So you can call him ‘master’ instead.

That’s fine, Mollygood says, because while still a majorly honorable guy, Bono doesn’t offer full righteousness, even though he’s quite privileged.

That’s not exactly a good thing to say, but many in Ireland fairly share this sentiment. Bono is being criticized for accepting the award from Britain by some Irish nationalists. Which he was quick to dismiss proclaiming “I think Great Britain is great,”

He thinks America is great, too, and uses this kiss-ass attitude to push the two superpowers to slice a bigger share of it annual budget for his favorite charity, Africa.

To which one would wonder if Bono is simply making nice so he can push his own agenda.

On the other hand, his agenda involves feeding millions of starving people and finding cure for AIDS. And he’s been making progress, though slowly. I mean, c’mon, he convinced the rich countries to dismiss foreign debts of many third world nations. That’s gotta…

If you’re like me who only watch the devastating American Idol audition episodes, you will agree that Sanjaya Malakar was pretty much one of the best to try out. And even Simon Cowell thought he had promise.

Now lo and behold as everyone, with Simon at the front, is out to get the boy voted out by trashing out the worst commentaries and adjectives they could think about. Unfortunately, it’s all backfiring as evident with Malakar’s entry to the show’s magic 10 circle.

What could be the evil forces that has kept the guy from getting the boot week after week? Those bushy hair may have superpowers that could hypnotize evey 12 to 15-year-olds that watch American Idol.

His teenybopper fans who could cry at the sight of his awkward, spasmic writhing onstage.

It could also be the growing community of anti-AI who would rather keep the really bad ones for some real entertainment value, as pioneered by this Vote for the Worst website who is now the biggest campaigner for Malakar.

True that this process is unfair to the contestants who are actually carrying a pound of talent. But c’mon, Jennifer Hudson already proved to y’all that there’s life after getting an early boot. All you need is a…