Well, that is according to the new Madden NFL Football 2007 video game.

Yep, according to the top-selling football video game in the world, Ethan Albright, the long snapper for the Washington Redskins, is NOT that bright. (See how that one rhymes?) Heck, according to the game, Ethan Albright is dumb enough to be at the very bottom as far as player ratings is concerned.

Madden NFL 2007 measures each NFL Football player’s skill in terms of speed, strength, accuracy and his effect on team morale. As far as EA Sports is concerned, the group responsible for Madden NFL 2007, Ethan Albright… well… SUCK.

Worse than first round draft picks, J.P. Losman and Mike Williams. Worse than retreads Gus Frerotte and Antowain Smith. Worse than a slew of training camp backups who are bound to be cut before the start of the regular season.

Yep, this guy is worse than David Letterman if ever the ‘’big guy from New York’’ wishes to play quarterback for the Giants.

‘’Honestly, I don’t know what to say about the Madden ratings,’’ Ethan Albright says with a laugh. ‘’Some guys are into it. I’m not. Doesn’t register with me at all. Rate me whatever, I don’t care.’’

He pauses.

‘’Did they rank all the players in the league, all the other long snappers?’’

Apparently, they did. Even the long snappers. Even Seattle defensive back and 2000 NFL draft Mr. Irrelevant Michael Green, whose 83 rating is 30 points better than…

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There’s an old saying about shitting where you eat that comes to mind when examining this whole Nick Lachey/Jessica Simpson collapse. We have to think that ape-faced Nick wil come to his senses about his bubble-headed wifey being the only thing keeping his pommeade-ass relevant. That’s why we’re kind of humping this +215 bet on Dogbo on whether or not there will be a reconciliation between the delightfully dim duo before Dec. 31st 2005. It’s expensive to cash in on the -330 number saying they won’t reconcile

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Of course the one place that has supposedly cracked the not-so-mysterious "break-up" of Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson is tactful sportsbook Nine.com. The online company released a press release stating that due to "suspcious" betting activity in the area where Nick and Jessica reside Nine.com is pulling its wagers on whether or not the reality couple are actually still together or headed for divorce. Nine.com’s numbers show that the amount of betting on a Lachey/Simpson seperation indicate that it is so and, hence, they have to pull their lines.

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With all of the rumors circulating about the state of America’s most delightfully dim couple, Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson, it’s about time somebody put some odds on whether or not their reality show marriage will actually last. Enter Betonsports, which has pulled together a team of the nation’s finest handicappers to calculate the most scientific odds possible. By engaging fancy algorithms,psychological mapping, phrenology, and Nick Lachey’s dick size, the genius bookmakers have come up with this masterful line:

Will Jessica Simpson ask for a divorce from Nick Lachey for cheating on her before December 31, 2006? Yes 2-1

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