These are the people who are probably the best at what they do but, unfortunately, they haven’t won shit.

And mind you, I’m not talking about the sick fucks from Miami because quite frankly, there’s nobody in the Heat roster this season who you can probably consider as ‘’good.'’

This is about the best poker players in the world who haven’t won a major yet in their professional career. And although we may never be as good as these guys on a poker table in this lifetime or the next, feel free to laugh at them while I try to single them out one by one.

First, there’s Patrik Antonius. This dude probably commands the utmost respect from the top poker players in the world but somehow, he just can’t break through on the tournament circuit. He only has ONE TOURNAMENT WIN to his credit. That being back in 2005 when he outlasted 44 other players in the Scandinavian Poker Open to win $66,000.

He kept shooting blanks since.

Next, we have Todd Brunson. STILL known to the rest of the world as ‘’the son of Doyle Brunson‘’ probably because he ain’t doing anything yet to make a name for himself. Todd has been on the tournament scene for quite some time now, dating as far…

Read More » The Best Poker Players in the World who… SUCK

‘’Soft opening?'’ What the fuck does that mean?

The 2008 World Series of Poker officials plan a ‘’soft opening'’ for the tournament on May 28 and 29 so players can register early in order for them to play in satellite tournaments and cash games.

‘’This ’soft opening’ will give players a chance to register early and avoid the lines we had last year during opening weekend, our busiest time,'’ Geno Iafrate, vice president and assistant general manager of the Rio, said.

Meanwhile, in conjunction with the 2008 WSOP event, Oscar nominee Don Cheadle and poker professional Annie Duke will host the second annual Ante Up For Africa charity tournament at the Rio on July 2.

July 3 is the first of four start days for the 2008 Main Event. Last year, a total of 6,358 entrants competed for a Main Event prize pool of $59.8 million. Players may choose their Main Event start dates as long as seats are available on the selected dates.

Pre-registration for the 2008 WSOP has been made February on-site at the…

Read More » 2008 WSOP Event soft opening is on May 28 and 29

It’s time to play poker people.

Yep, the best WSOP players in the world (or so they say…) will gather from May 30 through July 17 for the 2008 World Series of Poker. The Rio All-Suite Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas will be the stage, adding even more gambling to the gambling capital of the world.

The 39th annual WSOP event is presented by Milwaukee’s Best Light and will feature a 55-event schedule that includes a total of eight $1,500 buy-in No-Limit Texas Hold’em poker tournaments.

The World Series of Poker has also added a second start day for the first of the $1,500 no-limit competitions to accommodate the expected number of entrants.

The six other $10,000 buy-in events, all World Championship competitions, include Heads-Up No-Limit Hold’Em, Seven-Card Stud, Limit Hold’Em, Omaha Hi-Low Split Eight or Better, Pot-Limit Omaha and a new Mixed Event.

The World Series of Poker Mixed Event will feature eight variations of poker that includes Limit and No-Limit Hold’Em, Omaha Hi-Low and Pot-Limit Omaha, Seven Card Stud, Razz, Seven Card Hi-Low Split and 2-7 Triple Draw Lowball.

The second event of the 2008 World Series of Poker is a $1,500 buy-in No-Limit Hold’em tournament…

Read More » The 2008 World Series of Poker starts May 30

In case you’ve been living under a rock lately, you should know that poker has this thing that lets you play anonymously online.

Apparently, the trend has actually gone from nice to irritatingly too much the moment that they started developing artificial intelligence for the sole purpose of playing poker.

Yep, Polaris, dubbed as the best poker-playing computer program from the University of Alberta, challenged the best poker players of the world to test just how good Polaris is in bluffing, calling and raising you whenever you go all-in. And what’s even more surprising is the fact that two poker players actually answered the challenge.

Phil Laak a.k.a. ‘’the Unabomber,'’ and Ali Eslami, a.k.a. ‘’we don’t give a rat’s ass who he is,'’ was invited to play Polaris to test the computer’s capabilities in playing against the best poker players in the world.

Wait, are these guys really qualified to represent mankind against Polaris?

The University of Alberta needed poker players who not only sowed excellence in the game, but were also capable of speaking through…

Read More » Phil Laak, from the Unabomber of Poker to Online Bitch

Yep, just shut the fuck up.

As another war heats up right there on the poker table, Phil Gordon still looks like he’s ready to hump a new gay lover. No seriously… Phil Gordon is gay and he’ll still be gay no matter how many WSOP bracelets this fag wins.

Now, in a rather serious note, the 2007 World Series of Poker is finally here. Yep, it’s that time of the year when the top poker players of the world get up from their asses, put on a shirt, and pretend to be a ‘’professional'’ athlete.

Of course, what these guys do when they’re not gambling with a deck of cards is still in question. (Although we all know Phil Gordon likes to hump little boys…)

So, how do you win big poker tournaments like this? What do you have to do to win that WSOP bracelet and slap it on your wrists pretending it’s as valuable as, say… a Super Bowl championship ring?

Well, you can keep your mouth shut. That always works.

Keeping your mouth shut in a poker table always works. Of course, you DO NOT WANT to berate the dealer and call him names like ‘’retard'’ or ‘’when God had to poo, He came up with you.'’ If you get a bad hand, it’s not the dealer’s fault. (Hopefully anyway…) Leave the dealer alone or…

Read More » Best tip for 2007 World Series of Poker? Shut up…

It’s good to know that Cindy Margolis and Pamela Anderson’s attempt to be poker are done and over with.

God forbid we lose the real poker gals Cindy Violette, Jennifer Tilly and Evelyn Ng, Jennifer Harman, Connie Gowen and Annie Duke. Whoever told these most downloadable Internet celebrities that poker is the next road to take was clearly just out to collect from a chunk of the online poker pot. But players knew better than to throw their money on some scantily clad ladies in guise of a love for Texas hold’em.

In poker, skills at the felt table is what counts. The good looks only adds as bonus shimmer to your star.

Looking like an aspiring Asian model or actress, Liz Lieu may fail to intimidate poker players at first. But when she gets down to business of checking, raising and bluffing, the attention quickly leaves her looks and focuses on overcoming her skills.

Yes, Liz is one of the fastest rising poker tournament players today. She’s fierce when playing her favorite No Limit Texas Holdem game,

But one can’t help get smitten by her Playboy model body and Sixteen magazine charm. Beauty and aggressive poker play does exist and go hand in hand, goes a quote from her own personal site.

If you’ve played poker with Liz, you won’t argue with this bold statement.

She’s disarmingly attractive and stylish, with…

Read More » Liz Lieu. Poker goddess or just another Asian poker girl?

The recently-completed World Series of Poker Tournament of Champions (whew) has been hailed as having one of the most entertaining final tables of all time. With Mike Matusow and Phil Hellmuth seated in such close proximity, that comes as no surprise. What WAS a surprise to many of the players who fought and clawed to gain entry to the TOC is that Hellmuth was there at all. The Poker Brat, Johnny Chan and Doyle Brunson were given "sponsor’s exemptions" to the event. This kicked off a firestorm of dissent, spearheaded by a blog post written by Daniel Negreanu, who said flat out that those who played by the rules and got into the TOC fair and square were lied to. Steve Rosenbloom of ESPN also wrote a column about the controversy. After the jump, you’ll see there’s still some hard feelings here, and a hell of a lot of ineptitude…

Read More » WSOP 2005: Tournament Of Champions Aftermath

· November 2003 - Arrested on Felony Drug Charges [The Poker Forum] · October 6, 2004 - Sentenced to Six Months in Jail [LasVegasVegas] · April 2005 - Released From Jail After Serving His Six Months [Wikipedia] · July 2005 -

Read More » Twenty Four Months Of The Mouth

Matusow v. Hellmuth sounds like the poker equivalent of Freddy vs. Jason. In the WSOP Tournament of Champions, redemption was served on a personal level. After the jump, we’ll let FlipChip from LasVegasVegas tell you all about it… WHERE ELSE DO YOU GO AFTER HITTING ROCK BOTTOM?

"The final table was a dream team affair with each end anchored by two outspoken tough-as-they-come professionals, Phil Hellmuth opposite Mike Matusow. Claiming some of the real estate between the two was the usually quiet, but equally tough playing Hoyt Corkins and that’s the final three list.

Read More » The Mouth Makes Good

Ah, the "Internet Player," bane of the professional poker player’s existence. Expect now that the WSOP is all over ESPN, that the pros will be getting a little more media attention than usual, and will be focusing their ire on the legions of idiots and morons that chopped them off at the knees in the Main Event. From Steve Rosenbloom’s column, posted at the Jackson Hole Star Tribune:

"Instead, Negreanu was all in.

Read More » Poker Pros Complain About Donkeys Too