2:20 p.m. Florida Marlins (66-59, J. Vargas) at Chicago Cubs (61-65, G. Rusch) Best Line: MARLINS -132, CUBS +128 Sucks to be in Florida right now. There are people rowing boats down the street and collecting their pets and older relatives from trees. However, it doesn’t suck to be a Florida Marlin.

Read More » Chopping Lines: Something Non-Hurricane Related About Florida This Afternoon

2:20 p.m. Atlanta Braves (71-55, J. Sosa) at Chicago Cubs (61-65, M. Prior) Best Line: ATLANTA +155, CUBS -168 There’s one thing that sticks out more than Mark Prior’s oblong head–his record against Atlanta. The Cubs’ ace is 0-3 with a 7.88 ERA against the knock-a-homas in his career. And even though Braves’ pitcher Jorge Sosa was put back in the pen, the injury to Mike Hampton has enabled him at least another couple starts. Sosa’s had one bad outing since he’s been a starter posting a 8-2 record and a 2.63 ERA.

Read More » Chopping Lines: Putting Out the Hot Prior in Your Pants

7:15 p.m. Chicago Cubs (C.Zambrano) at Houston Astros (R. Oswalt) Best Line: Cubs +115, Houston -140 I have forgotton more about aching backs than Chicago Cubs’ pitcher Carlos Zambrano will ever know. But I will never forget how great it felt washing down five Percocets at a time. Ah… the good, old days. Anyhow, I understand the Cubs are concerned with Zambrano’s bad back and how he is constantly suffering from soreness and tightness. Now they have him doing a series of exercises for his back and belly. Why he’s not just shooting Stanozolol in his ass, I have no idea.

Read More » Chopping Lines: Our Brother’s Name is “Oswalt”

2:20 p.m. St.Louis Cardinals(73-42, J.Marquis) at Chicago Cubs (55-60, C. Zambrano) Best Line: STL Cards +118, Chicago Cubs -120 We’ll admit it. Our picks have been dogshit awful of late. With K-Rod falling asleep on the mound last night, the San Diego Charger’s Nate Kaeding’s freakin’ foot and, of course, how can we forget the two-hit, one run performance by the Blue Jays’ Scott Downs. Not good times. Although, we’re feeling good today because the Cards are dogs again and Carlos Zambrano is on the hill. Even though Spazcake Zambrano is tough to bet against, the Cardinals have proven that they are so addicted to winning right now that they could conceiveably trot out a lineup full of wheelchair athletes and still beat teams.

Read More » Chopping Lines: St. Louis Special Olympians Come to Chicago

Chicago Cubs’ outfielder Corey Patterson is back from his month-long stint in the minors to “retool” and “refocus”, professional athlete speak for “complete skills meltdown.” Well, Patterson is back up and owners still seeking that 30 home run/30 stolen base combo at the stretch run should perk up their ears. Or should they? One of […]

Read More » Fantasy Baseball: Corey Patterson’s Back–Should You Really Care?

2:05 p.m. Cincinnati Reds (51-62, E. Milton) at Chicago Cubs (54-59, R. Hill) Best Line: Cin +123, CHC -133, o/u 9 How about that Reds call yesterday? Aaron Freaking Harang. Bam. Today, however there’s a different story. The Reds send Eric Milton to the mound and the Cubs send some dude from the depths of their bullpen named Rich Hill. The Cubs are in a toilet spiral, 1-9 in their last 10 and 0-4 in their last home games. The Cubs fans are aghast and rebellious. Dusty Baker’s children are running all over home plate mid-pitch and his players won’t even move them.

Read More » Chopping Lines: Dusty Balls

2:20 p.m. Cinncinati Reds (A. Harang, 50-62) at Chicago Cubs (M. Prior, 54-58) Best Line: Cin +160, CHC -160 Are we crazy to bet against Mark Prior and the Cubs this afternoon against the lowly Cincy Reds? Possibly. We may still be feeling the residual effects from last weekend’s mushroom experiment. Yes, we know, you don’t bet against Prior during the day, but the Reds’ Aaron Harang hasn’t exactly been a bobbing turd his last few starts(4-2) and is arguably the ace of the staff with his 3.90 ERA. And in case you haven’t noticed, Cincinnati hits the the holy crap out of the ball and Adam Dunn is the closest thing we have in this world to a living giant. And giants are scary. You do not bet against them. PICK!: Reds, +160

Read More » Chopping Lines: A Brilliant Red Barchetta

2:10 p.m. Chicago White Sox (65-34, J. Garland) at Kansas City Royals (37-63, R. Hernandez) Best Line: ChiSox -151, 8.5 o/u Jon Garland continues his Cy Young campaign and Runelvys Hernandez continues to clock hos. Well, not really, but we’re starting to see that the fiery young pitcher with the napped out hair is keeping control of himself–and the game–of late.

Read More » Chopping Lines: Chicago Afternoon Delight