(Non-American) Football Betting: It’s Come To This

READ MORE: Ajax, Arsenal, Benfica, Football Betting, Larry Johnson, Manchester, Paddy Power, United", soccer

Fuck this NFL shit. We’re sick and tired of losing each week on dumb-ass plays because this early season horseshit is just killing us. We’ve offically retired from NFL betting until like, oh, Week 6. Then we can get some footing back and make up for some of our losses. (Seriously, Chiefs, what the crusty donkey twat was going last night? Larry Johnson fumbling? Why couldn’t he pretend it was his girlfriend’s throat? At least we know he would’ve held on.)

Alas, we’ve moved on to the sissy games across the pond and are now resigning ourselves to betting on(limp-wristed drumroll, please…) “soccer.” And we dont’ even know anything about these matches today, but we figure it’s just as good as us betting on the NFL at this point. (Seriously, we suck. How much do we suck? We’re moving to Delaware next week just to be closer to bankruptcy lawyers.)

And also, since we’re betting on this thing they call “soccer” we get to experience the beauty of the Asian Handicap, which allows us to post this picture again:

Yep. Now, anybody know anything about Ajax or Benfica?

Ajax vs. Arsenal [Paddy Power]
Manchester United vs. Benfica [Paddy Power]