Celebrity Betting: Capture the Nick Lachey Vapor

READ MORE: Celebrity Betting, Jessica Simpson, Nick Lachey, Running of the Nudes

There’s an old saying about shitting where you eat that comes to mind when examining this whole Nick Lachey/Jessica Simpson collapse. We have to think that ape-faced Nick wil come to his senses about his bubble-headed wifey being the only thing keeping his pommeade-ass relevant. That’s why we’re kind of humping this +215 bet on Dogbo on whether or not there will be a reconciliation between the delightfully dim duo before Dec. 31st 2005. It’s expensive to cash in on the -330 number saying they won’t reconcile, but with no pre-nup,we’re assuming Nick may not be in that much of a hurry to re-conjoin. But, let’s be honest, it’s really not that fun to pay that much money on stupid shit like this. What is “fun” these days anyway? This has to be up there.

Will Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey Reconcile Before Dec. 31st 2005 (Odds by BODOG)?

Celebrity Betting: Oprah’s Big Fucking Night

READ MORE: Oprah Winfrey, Celebrity Betting, David Letterman, Will Leitch Likes to Pound Puppies

For those of you who don’t watch splashy entertainment news shows, fat-cum-thin-cum-beefy billionaire talk show host Oprah Winfrey is finally taking off her pussypants and appearing on The Late Show With David Letterman. After years of dodging Letterman’s show(16, exactly), Oprah will sit her big black ass on the couch this Thursday night. And guess what? The crazy-ass dildos at Bodog have odds on some of the celebrity grab-assing that’s sure to follow. Bodog’s favorite for how Oprah will be greeted by Letterman is a “hug and kiss on the cheek” which pays out 3/2. A “handshake, hug and kiss on the cheek” pays out 2/1. Longshot odds at 50/1 are no physical contact whatsoever. We’re sad to say that there are no odds for “handshake, hug, kiss and dry hump of the leg” or “handshake, hug, kiss and rim job.”

How Will David Letterman Greet Oprah When She Appears On the Late Show on December 1, 2005? [Bodog]

Celebrity Betting: 50 Cent’s Shakespeare Moment

READ MORE: 50 Cent, Celebrity Betting, Novella

Curtis “50 Cent” Jackson’s upcoming novella has apparently sparked the interest of gangsta lovin’ sportsbook Bodog, as they have odds on what the title of the bullet-riddled rap star will be. The heavey favorite is “Get Rich or Die Tryin’” at 2/1 followed by “Players on the Streets” also at 2/1. Longshot odds include “Bulletproof Vest Birthday Present” at 50/1 and “Vivica and Me: A Thug’s Wife” at 100/1. We actually think Fiddy is more well read than Bodog gives him credit for and will go for at title something more inspired by literary classics like “Gangsta in the Rye”, “A Tale of Two Fiddies” or “Fiddy Dick.” Bah-dum-bump(fart noise).

What will be the title of 50 Cent’s (Curtis Jackson) first Novella? [Bodog]

Celebrity Betting: Gambling With Borat

READ MORE: Ali G, Borat, Celebrity Betting, Kazakhstan

Congratulations to Sacha Baron Cohen. You know you’ve made it once there’s a betting line placed on your potential international scandal. When Cohen’s mumbling comic dupe “Borat”, featured on his show “Da Ali G Show” pissed of the government of Kazakhstan the world’s ninth largest country is now considering legal action against him in order to prevent further “pranks.” Now, Bodog has a line on whether or not Ali G will feel the wrath of the cow-punching Kazakhstanians. A “YES” bet offers even money at this point, while a “NO” is offered at -140.

Will the country of Kazakhstan pursue legal action against comedian Ali G before December 31, 2005? [Bodog]

Celebrity Bets: Tyson Favored To Be Hooked on Phonics

READ MORE: Celebrity Betting, Illiteracy, Jacque Demers, Mike Tyson

With former NHL Coach-of-the-Year and Stanley Cup winner Jacques Demers’ recent revelation that he has difficulty reading and writing, BetUS.com is offering odds on who will be the next public figure to declare themselves illiterate. Baby-eating boxer Mike Tyson is the favorite at 2/1 followed by marble-mouthed rock star Ozzy Osbourne at 2.5/1. Socialite ho-bag and best-selling author Paris Hilton is listed at 3.5/1. The longshot odds belong to President George W. Bush at 70/1, whose love of “My Pet Goat” should eliminate him from contention in this bet—unless he’s been fooling us all along.

Who Will Be The Next Celebrity To Admit Being Illiterate? [BetUs]

Celebrity Betting: Another Jude and Sienna Reunion?

READ MORE: Bodog, Celebrity Betting, Jude Law, Sienna Miller

Nanny-humping cad Jude Law and his broken hearted former fiancee Sienna Miller are reportedly back together again and Bodog has a new line(again) on whether or not the troubled couple will finally get married. Right now, the line shows an engagement for Jude and Sienna by July 2006 at -110(Pay $110 to win $100), while a NO bet is more likely at a price of -130(Pay $130 to win $100). We’re not convinced that this union is as rock solid as some tabloids have reported. We’re almost positive, however, that any domestic help the couple decides to hire will undoubtedly go through strict aesthetic scrutiny. So, all butt-ugly gardners, maids, and nannies should start polishing up their resumes if they want a sweet gig working for the reunited Laws in 2006.

Will Jude Law and Sienna Miller Marry Before July 2006? [Bodog]
Jude and Sienna Reunite Again [People]

Celebrity Betting: Leo’s Next Giraffe-Legged Cockpit

READ MORE: Celebrity Betting, Giselle Bundchen, Leo DiCaprio

Never one to shy away from a rumor, super-sleuthy celeb sportsbook BetCRIS has already assembled odds for who Leonardo DiCaprio will start poking next now that he’s been ditched(supposedly) by supermodel Giselle Bundchen. The odds on favorite to nab him is former Jude Law flame Sienna Miller at 3.55/1, while other supermodel Carmen Cass is notching 7/1 odds. More models: Estella Warren is at 8/1; Laetitia Casta at 12/1. Of course, Paris Hilton is getting 15/1 odds and odds of 20/1 belong to Jennifer Aniston and Leo remaining single. Surprisingly, the longshot odds are at 30/1 that Leo and Giselle will get back together. Why that’s surprising, we have no idea. We just thought those two were destined to make glistening, Brazilian babies, the color of Sugar Daddies for eternity.

Who Will Leo DiCaprio Date Next? [BetCRIS]

Celebrity Betting: Prince Harry and the Klan

READ MORE: BetOnSports, Celebrity Betting, Nazis, Prince Harry

BetOnSports.com has traditionally cracked out celebrity wager lines, but this one might be the most absurd out of any of them. Right now, the sportsbook is taking odds on whether or not mischief-making royal son Prince Harry will join the Ku Klux Klan before December 2006. Just go to BetOnSports, scroll down to celebrity props and it’s right there. The odds are +1000, meaning a $100 wager on this would net a nice $10,000 payout if Harry ditches all this altruistic work and finally succumbs to the lure of the white power brigade. Fun for the hate-mongerer in all of us. Or not.

Will Price Harry Join The KKK Before 12/31/06? [BetonSports]

Celebrity Betting: The Color of Affleck/Garner’s Brood is Violet

READ MORE: Baby's Name, Ben Affleck, Celebrity Betting, Jennifer Garner, Violet

It’s been a while since we’ve had a good celebrity prop bet to whack at. Thank God for Bodog which has odds on the name of Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner’s future baby girl posted. The favorite is “Violet” at 2/1, which is reportedly inspired from the Hole song of the same name. Actually, no it’s not. We just wish it was.

Other favorites include “Peach” at 7/2; “Pearl” at 5/1’ “Giselle” at 8/1; and “Ima” at 9/1. Longshot odds at 200/1 are placed on(drum roll)…Bennifer. 200/1.

What Will Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner Name Their First-Born Child? [Bodog]
Bennifer 2 Betting: What Can We Bet On Now? [Oddjack]

Do They Know It’s Christmas Time At All?

READ MORE: Celebrity Betting, Choirboys, Paddy Power, UK Christmas Single, Westlife, William Hill

Every year Christmas seems to come earlier. In fact, this year, we noticed the line for Santa Claus at Macy’s beginning to form during Labor Day weekend. And in the UK, Christmas starts even earlier. Or at least the battle for UK’s number one Christmas single. Yes, apparently this is as big a deal in the UK, which automatically results in punting lines. Yes, both Paddy Power and William Hill have a giant list of potential number one Christmas singles to bet on. Paddy Power favors boyband Westlife and their single “When You Tell Me That You Love Me” a duet with cracked out Diana Ross, which is getting 2/1 odds. William Hill also loves Westlife, but also is offering 12/1 odds on rival boy band, the Choirboys, who are being hailed as the Backstreet Boys of choir music. They will release a cover of Eric Clapton’s “Tears of Heaven” to the UK charts because nothing gets people in the holiday spirit more than a song about a small boy falling out of a 50-story New York City apartment window and plummeting to his death.

UK Christmas Single [PaddyPower]
Christmas No.1 2005 [WilliamHill]
Choirboys and Westlife Set For Christmas Battle [ManchesterOnline]

Celebrity Betting: Janet Jackson’s Secret Daughter

READ MORE: Celebrity Betting, Daughter, El Debarge, Janet Jackson

With the rumors swirling that singer Janet Jackson(the “normal” one) has an older daughter from a previous marriage, one stashed away in the 84th hall closet of the Neverland Ranch, we assume, Bodog has taken the opportunity to open a betting contract on whether or not the Nipplegate diva will go public with this information. The rumor is that Jackson and ex-husband El Debarge(80’s hitmaker of “Rhythm of the Night”)had a daughter when they were married briefly in 1984. The stealth brood is allegedly 18 years old and, most likely, a hot piece of ass.(Think Jackson during the whole “Diff’rent Strokes” era.) Right now there are lines of -110 that she will publicly announce that she has an older daughter and -120 if she ignores it all together.

Ex-Kin: Jackson Has Daughter, 18 [Arizona Central]
Will Janet Jackson Publicly Announce That She Really Does Have a Secret Daughter? [Bodog]

Oscar Betting: Who Will Host In 2006?

READ MORE: Celebrity Betting, Ellen Degeneres, Mike Myers, Oscar Betting, Oscar Host

Uma! Oprah! Or…not. Unfortunately, David Letterman is not a heavy favorite to host the Oscars this year according to Bodog, only getting 15/1 odds to revisit his very awkward appearance he had a few years back. The big favorite is surprisingly SNL-alum and Austin Powers’ star Mike Myers. A Canadian. (Shiver.) Myers leads the pack at 2/1, and we can only hope that Kanye West gets a gig as a co-host. A great value pick is listed, however, in everybody’s favorite carpet cleaner, Ellen Degeneres who stands at 4/1 odds. Ahead of Degeneres are Robin Williams(please, for the love of God, NO) at 3/1; and last year’s Oscar winning impressionist, Jaimie Foxx also at 3/1. If Foxx hosts, this would result in another year of that whole “Heeey/Hoooo!” routine at which point we’ll slit our throats with a cake knife before we even get to see the interpretive dance routine to the soundtrack of Jarhead. So, we’re praying for Myers or Degeneres—with the money on Ellen. Everybody loves a dancing lesbian.

Who Will Host the 2006 Academy Awards? [Bodog]