Oddjack FUYA: Welcome To The New Millenium Redux
READ MORE: Bay, Betting", Buccaneers", Chicago Bears, Chris Simms, Football, Football Up Your Ass, NCAA, NFL Betting, Nathan, Tampa, Vasher"
Another week of NFL mastery. Now, we’re convinced the Chicago Bears of 2005 are the same as the ones from the 2001 season. Nathan Vasher is the new Mike Brown. This is a team that seemingly has no offense, a great defense and it also has that little ounce of luck that will propel it to victories in the regular season—and a complete collapse in the playoffs. And we knew they wouldn’t cover. Books had to learn something about giving the 49ers that many points against a team with a less-than-mediocre offense.
And then we have the suddenly studly Chris Simms and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers(You know, the things under your buckin’ hat…zing!pow!)lighting up the Redskins defense for 36 without a running game. Shocking in that Halle Berry-has-13-toes sort of way. Overall, a 5-3 NFL weekend is nothing to start fellating ourselves over, but it’s certainly cause for an unzipping.
And in the NCAA, well, we think we learned our lesson about getting greedy against USC and Texas. We thought Kansas would basically play prevent defense the whole time with six defensive backs in order to prevent being down 52-0 at halftime. They were offended by that 34 point spread, no? Way to get fired up, boys. That loss catapulted us to a cringe-worthy 2-6 in NCAA this week. Shiver.
But, of course, we’re happy with the fact that this weekend we took the lead over the feisty little gambling pug over at American Gambling News. We’d say something along the lines of “Scoreboard!” to verbalize our cockiness, but we’re not sure if he wants to claim that highly original shit-talk for himself. We’ll just stick to the always effective “Eat it.”
Expert Getting Cocky About Bears Pick
READ MORE: Chicago Bears, Covers, NFC North, NFL Prop Bets
Covers’ expert Stephen Nover is feeling pretty smart about his prediction two weeks ago that the Chicago Bears were a solid play to win the dreadful NFC North—now that they’re off to that eye-popping 1 and 1 start. But before we give Nover a little shit for some possibly premature cockiness there is a point to his peacocking:
Any time a team has the best defense and coaching in the division, along with a solid ground game, you have to take that team seriously. That’s especially so in a weak division like the NFC North.
With the Vikings in disarray, the Packers struggling, and the Lions being, well, still the Lions, it’s not a completely off-the-wall comment. But…it’s still week 3.
Unapologetic Expert Still Likes the Bears [Covers]
NFC North Conference [Oddschecker]
Chopping Lines: Motor City Kittie Committee
READ MORE: Chicago Bears, Chopping Lines, Detroit Lions, NFL Betting
Sunday, 1 P.M.
Detroit Lions (1-0)
at
Chicago Bears (0-1)
Best Line: Detroit -1, Chicago +2.5, O/U 33
Something’s gnawing at us. For as much as we love pro football, this game is threatening to be far less interesting than watching a real bear and real lion squaring off to the death. Steve Mariucci has one of our favorite Madden teams currently, where we run the 3WR offense with all those top ten picks keeping the defense in the nickel and thinking pass. When we do run Kevin Jones, there’s usually only six in the box, and we’re gashing defenses for big chunks of yards. Last week Green Bay’s defense couldn’t keep their hands off the receivers, getting flagged for every tacky touch, and with bad Packer DBs and Linebackers out there, you’d think the Lions would have spent all day heaving the rock around out of 3WR. Hardly. The Fullback was almost always on the field (the backup crappy one, no less), and they ran quite a bit of 2TE as well. He’s playing conservative, which makes no sense with all that talent. Not the recipe for an offensive explosion.
What’s really offensive though is what happens when the Bears have the ball. Rather, what doesn’t happen. Kyle Orton didn’t look overwhelmed as a first time starter last week against a pretty good defense, and that’s promising. That being said, he didn’t get the team into the end zone, and it’s apparent whatever Thomas Jones had last year for a blink, he lost yet again. If they can get Cedric Benson in the game, they may have a shot. Otherwise, it’s going to be a long day for Chicago. Their defense is too good to let this game get away from them, but Detroit is just good enough to support the points they’re giving.
PICK!: DET -1
Chopping Lines: Welcome To The Kyle Orton Era
READ MORE: Chicago Bears, Chopping Lines, NFL Betting, Washington Redskins
Sunday, 1 p.m.
Chicago Bears (0-0)
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Washington Redskins (0-0)
Best Line: CHI +6, WAS -4.5, O/U 33 - 33.5
If we can dig deep through our pot-riddled memory to pull our Junior High School education back into service, the above line generates the following equation: X + (X-6) = 33. So dividing by pi and double checking our abacus gives us a projected final score in this game of 20-13. Seems low, but let’s check the rosters. Oh yeah, Kyle Orton versus Patrick Ramsey. That explains it. Our NFL sources tell us that Washington had the second worst offense in the league last year (15.0 ppg), and the third worst passing attack (164.5 ypg). Chicago? 14.4 ppg and 137.0 passing ypg. So if last year’s form holds… wait, we’ve almost got it now… Yes, that’s right. This game is going to suck. But that O/U line is a sucker bet. They just want you to add up 15 and 14.4 and think there’s no way on god’s green earth these teams find a way to put the ball in the end zone. We’d take the under at 35 or 36, definitely at 39, but 33 is way too risky.
That leaves us with the points. We’re not like our compadres at Covers who apparently got columnist Stephen Nover likkered up and got him to pick Chicago to win the NFC North. Um, nuh uh. But this is a good defense facing a pretty bad offense. The Bears can keep Ramsey on his ass, Clinton Portis bottled up, and Santana Moss from running up and down the field on them. This we believe. So long as Orton doesn’t wilt under the pressure in his first big game under center, we don’t see any way possible Washington exceeds the six point spread. As a matter of fact, we’re tempted to play Chicago’s money line. We’ll strongly advise the points, but like a 12 year-old boy just finding the bra section in the Sears catalog, we might not be able to help ourselves later.
PICK!: CHI +6
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NFL Betting: Bears to Win the NFC North?
READ MORE: Chicago Bears, NFL Betting
Is Covers kidding? Do they have somebody working over at Vegas looking to bolster numbers on the Chicago Bears’ win total this year? It must be. Why else would the web-mag devote more than one-thousand words to a story about THE BEARS WINNING THE NFC NORTH. Yes, it’s true, the Kyle Orton-led Bears, according to columnist Stephen Nover, are a great bet to win the division at 7/1. Nover uses last year’s Pittsburgh Steelers team as a prime example of how a team can take over a division with a rookie quarterback and a great defense. In theory it works, but with reaches all across the offense in Thomas Jones, Cedric Benson, and Muhsin Muhammad, Nover’s obviously been taking bong hits for breakfast since training camp closed.
Chopping Lines: Monday Night With Saban and Company
READ MORE: Chicago Bears, Chopping Lines, Miami Dolphins, NFL Pre-Season Betting
8 p.m.
Chicago Bears (-3)
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Miami Dolphins
Best Line: Miami +3
For the Miami Dolphins the Nick Saban era begins tonight in the annual AFC-NFC Hall of Fame Game on Monday night (ABC, 8 p.m. ET) in Canton, Ohio. The defensive-minded rookie NFL head coach from LSU has something to prove to his players and fans. Another person with something to prove is the Dolphins’ RB Ricky Williams and Bears QB Rex Grossman. Williams left football last year and Grossman hasn’t seen action since week 3 when a knee injury knocked him out for the season. He is expected to run the Bears’ offence for 15-20 plays. Does this mean we’ll catch a glimpse of 14 year veteran from Illinois Jeff George tonight? Not really. Head Coach Lovie Smith will give us a dose of stud rookie QB Boilermaker Kyle Orton. How Orton plays tonight could very well be the difference in a meaningless preseason win or a loss.
The Dolphins and Bears are coming off of disappointing seasons last year and are not without questions with their top draft picks. Both team’s running backs Ronnie Brown in Miami and Cedric Benson in Chicago are holdouts; which gives them not a lot of preparation time when they do return with one month until the regular season kicks off. For the Dolphins, a pre-season battle between QB’s A.J. Feeley and Gus Frerotte will determine the club’s starting QB. Another focus for Nick Saban will be the rookie LB out of Florida Channing Crowder. He was dominant as a Gator and left early for the NFL draft this year. A win in this year’s Hall of Fame game would be fitting after this weekend’s induction of Miami QB Dan Marino. We see Saban making an immediate impact in his first NFL pre-season game.
PICK! MIAMI DOLPHINS +3
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