Friday Football Rundown

READ MORE: Chopping Lines, Really Probably Drunk At Noon On A Friday

For those of you hanging on AJ’s picks this week, play or fade, we’ve decided to give you a peek today at the lengthy process he goes through to decide who he’s backing in any given week. The method to his madness, if you will. After the jump, AJ picks ‘em for Saturday and Sunday’s action…

HOW WE ROLL

[12:08] BG: you making any football picks today?
[12:08] AJ: Eh, I dunno.
[12:08] AJ: I’ll do them now.
[12:09] AJ: Tampa, Phi, Chicago, Jacksonville, Indy, Buffalo, Miami, and hmm….the Giants.
[12:09] AJ: There.
[12:09] BG: heh
[12:09] BG: i was thinking of doing a rundown of each game’s line on whether the coin toss will be heads or tails
[12:10] AJ: That’s productive.
[12:10] AJ: Are there any games tomorrow?
[12:10] BG: pro? no
[12:10] BG: some college
[12:10] AJ: Some college.
[12:11] BG: boise state v. la tech… don’t let down those that hang on your every pick
[12:12] AJ: Right. Got it. Tomorrow?
[12:13] AJ: Troy, V.Tech. Florida, Stanford, Georgia Tech, Fresno State, Idatho and ….
[12:13] AJ: RICE
[12:13] AJ: Done.

And you thought this shit was complicated…

Chopping Lines: Bring Back The Bounty Bowl

READ MORE: Chopping Lines, Dallas Cowboys, Monday Night Football, NFL Betting, Philadelphia Eagles

9 p.m.

Philadelphia Eagles (4-4)

Best Line: PHI -2.5, DAL +3

Some of the greatest games in Philadelphia Eagles history have been against Dallas. Dating back to the 1980 NFC Championship Game, it’s been one story line after another. Buddy Ryan’s infamous Thanksgiving game where he (allegedly) offered a reward for the person who injured Cowboys’ kicker Luis Zendejas. Barry Switzer’s 4th-and-1 brain fart. The Pickle Juice game which officially kicked off the Andy Reid era. Something always happens when these games mean something. And now, with the Eagles flailing and searching for something to resuscitate their season, it once again has them up against the Cowboys. It’s silly to think that the Eagles are anywhere close to the team they’ve been the last few years. But the thing they do have going for it is history and going up against Dallas to save their season once again. Huge homefield advantage for the Birds tonight. Count the anti-T.O. signs, give away the points and watch the magic happen.

PICK!: PHI -2.5

Chopping Lines: Nick Kaczur Will End Up On the Horse Trailer If The Patriots Win

READ MORE: Chopping Lines, Indianapolis Colts, NFL Betting, New England Patriots

9 p.m.

New England Patriots (4-3)

Best Line: PATS +4.5, COLTS -3.5

Well, it’s here. It’s the game that ABC has been waiting for all year. It’s the game that football fans have been waiting for all year. If the Patriots were 2-6, this would still be the game of the year. And how come? As much as the Colts may be awarded some psychological points for winning this game at Foxboro tonight, the bottom line is still that they’re the better team. If they end up the season 15 and 1, they’ll get homefield. And the Patriots(if they get through the first-round of the playoffs) will have to head to Turf World for once and then prove they’re still the team to beat. Not tonight, though. Of all the breakdowns that have been debated this afternoon, the most crucial is the play of Patriots’ rookie tackle Nick Kaczur who will have the unenviable task of keeping Dwight Freeney from decapitating Tom Brady before halftime. Sure, there will be double-teams galore, but it’s pretty obvious at this point that Colts’ defense has a lot of weapons and should be able to disrupt a Weis-less offense for the Patriots. The Colts are the better team and will win this game. And, dammit, we think they’ll cover. Enough of Peyton Manning and his Brokeback Mountain tendencies. We think it’s time for torch passing.

PICK!: INDY -3.5

Chopping Lines: Feeling The Mustache

READ MORE: Chopping Lines, Louisville Cardinals, NCAA Betting, Pittsburgh Panthers

7:30 p.m.

Louisville Cardinals (4-2)

BEST LINE: PITT +21, LOU -20.5

Yep. We’re doing it. As much as the mustache has dogged us all year, we’re not turning away from the 21 points. As dominant as Louisville is at home and as high-powered they are(averaging over 60 points per game at home this season) there seems to be a little consistency in Pitt’s offense in their last three victories. The total for tonight’s game is an astronomical 66 and couple with Louisville’s home average and the fact that Pittsburgh has been scoring some points lately, we’d actually like the over as well. Madness! We swear if Wannstedt’s team doesn’t show up tonight, we’ll never, ever touch them again. Ever. That’s a promise. But let’s just say we’ve got a feeling about Tyler Palko this evening after Louisville defensive end Elvis Dummeril basically said he’d dance all over his face this week. Dem’s fighting words.

PICK!: PITT +21 and OVER

Chopping Lines: Ick

READ MORE: Baltimore Ravens, Chopping Lines, NFL Betting, Pittsburgh Steelers

9 p.m.

Pittsburgh Steelers (4-2)

Best Line: PITT -10, BALT +13

This line is loaded with slop money. It’s moved four points since it first opened and right now, many bookies aren’t planning on touching it. But if it starts to come down, well, then we’ll know that the bookies are praying that Anthony Wright can find some semblance of an offense this evening and actually score points, so they can make some major bank from the overzealous Pittsburgh bettors. Even though the Ravens are missing both All-Pros Ray Lewis and Ed Reed, the total seems to be a little light at 34. But that pretty much shows a complete lack of faith in the Ravens offense, which is laughably awful. However, they still have former big house-r Jamal Lewis and if they can run a little bit, maybe they’ll score. Maybe. For that matter alone will take the Ravens and the points reluctantly because we don’t like seeing all that money being chucked at the Steelers. We’re not seeing a Ravens victory, but we’ll take 13 points and hope Todd Heap will get jealous over Antonio Gates’ and Tony Gonzales’ big days yesterday and score for us. Or we’ll just hope for Kordell to out himself before the game and inspire everybody!

PICK!: BAL +13

Chopping Lines: Time to Jinx The Astros

READ MORE: Chicago White Sox, Chopping Lines, Houston Astros, World Series Betting

8:00 p.m.

(Chicago leads series 2-0)

Best Line: HOU -178, CHI +176

So, this is bad news for all Houston Astros fans since we’re planning on taking your overpriced team tonight. We won with Oswalt the last time, but our LDS and LCS records were pretty dreadful. However, in addition to the Oswalt factor, we love the Craig Biggio factor. After his wife was slapped by an overzealous White Sox fan, we have to think that he’ll knock in 12 runs this evening and slap Piersynski when he crosses home plate. And that should be enough to defeat Jon Garland. Also, with the betting public making a huge jump over to the side of the White Sox, we always love to go the other direction. So, we’ll take out our high interest pay day loan and go whole hog on Oswalt and the under this evening.

PICK!: HOU -178

Chopping Lines: Herm Edwards’ Game Face of God

READ MORE: Atlanta Falcons, Chopping Lines, NFL Betting, New York Jets

Mon. 9 p.m.

Atlanta Falcons (4-2)

Best Line: NYJ +9, ATL -7.5

This a game of injuries as the Atlanta Falcons’ banged up defensive line finally adjusts itself and looks to stack-up a surging Curtis Martin and the Jets are looking for, well, something. Seriously, this is one of the most boring Monday match-ups ever, regardless of how exciting Michael Vick is. Atlanta’s a horrible place to watch a football game on television as you’re stuck waiting for Michael Vick to do somethig spectacular between the echoing noise.(We’re convinced they just made the stadium as acoustically tricky as possible because of the low fanbase numbers for so long. Now that it’s packed, well, it’s like a wind-tunnel in there.)If he doesn’t, well, you have Warrick Dunn dancing around going nowhere and Alge Crumpler running 7-yard-out patterns and running over defensive backs. Fun. And the Jets are just as bad. Sure Martin’s little flurry last weekend was mildly amusing, but seriously, the man’s got not much left in the tank and is not going to put up these numbers every weekend. But, bad d-line versus surging running back seems to be a nice match-up for anybody, but we still don’t think Martin will be much of a factor—especially with Jets’center Kevin Mawae out for the season. However, we do like the Jets with points on Monday nights. We’ll take that generous 9 and pray for a low-scoring game.

PICK!: NYJ +9

Chopping Lines: Holcomb’s Heroes

READ MORE: Betting", Buffalo Bills, Chopping Lines, NFL, Oakland Raiders

Sun, 4:15 p.m.

Oakland Raiders(1-3)

Best Line: BUFF +3, OAK -2

Yeah, don’t get this line. It has to move. Not like Buffalo’s been showing that much all year, but in the last two weeks without J.P. Losman’s frantic quarterbacking there is some progress. We’re convinced Eric Moulds was going to have Losman killed anyway if Bills’ coach Mike Mularkey didn’t bench him. Kelly Holcomb at quarterback has made this team so much better. Imagine if their defense wasn’t so crippled? And now, they’re facing the Raiders. Remember that team that was supposed to challenge for the AFC West at the beginning of the year? Yeah. Nice try. And if Randy Moss sits, this line’s going the complete opposite direction. Take the points and the payoff while you can.

PICK!: BUFF +3

Chopping Lines: Kicking Cosby’s Kids

READ MORE: Chopping Lines, Clemson Tigers, NCAA Betting, Temple Owls

Sat. 3:30
Temple (0-7)

Clemson (3-3)

Best Line: TEM +37, CLEM -36.5

We feel bad taking this game. But not enough to walk away from what could be an 80 to 0 trouncing. Temple’s been dogfood all year, getting crapped on by teams in a cruel and unusual manner. Clemson will be no different. Last week, Miami unexpectedly let up against Temple, enabling the punchless Owls to walk away with an ATS victory. However, remember that Clemson is coached by Terry Bowden—that boy doesn’t know what it means to hold off the dogs. There will be much scoring to be had and it’ll continue throughout four quarters. Clemson’s a pissed off, surly team after pretty much being eliminated from ACC contention this year. We won’t be surprised if every single member of the Clemson team scores. Including the pep band.
PICK!: CLEM -36

Chopping Lines: The Purifying Restive of the Bye Week

READ MORE: Chopping Lines, NFL Betting, Philadelphia Eagles, San Diego Chargers

Sun, 1 p.m.
San Diego Chargers (3-3)

Philadelphia Eagles (3-2)

Best Line: PHI -3, SD +3.5

This seems like a great underdog pick, especially with Ladainian Tomlinson pretty much doing everything at this point—including throwing touchdown passes. And the Eagles’ defensive line? Well, that’s not Reggie White and Clyde Simmons in there right now. Mike Golic, maybe. Everybody runs on the Eagles—this was a problem last season and then they moved a rejuvenated Jeremiah Trotter into middle linebacker and everything was fixed. But after the bye week, Andy Reid’s Eagles are pretty amazing. Yes, they suck against AFC teams and had they won two weeks ago in Dallas this would be a great pick for the Chargers. But the Eagles, after a loss, after a bye week are tough(6-0). And they’re at home. Say what you will about the Linc being soulless venue devoid of all the madness of Vet Stadium, but this is a Vet crowd edgy for victory right now and one exciting play can make them a ferocious bunch. Even if they are eating $9 cheesesteaks.

PICK!: PHI -3

Chopping Lines: Watch Out For Men Dressed Like Ronnie James Dio’s Hands

READ MORE: Chopping Lines, NCAA Betting, Tech", Texas

Sat. 3:30

(2)Texas (6-0)

Best Line: TEXTCH +17, TEXAS -16.5

Rivalry game. Sort of. When were going up we always that that schools with the word “tech” behind them were infitely lesser just because all of their students were budding auto mechanics. At least that’s what tech school kids in our high school did. Well, not the Red Raiders who just rack up points consistently(54.6 per game!) and will now get their first true test of the season against the thunderstriking Texas Longhorns, who should be #1 right now. Texas is still 6-0 ATS this year even though last week we figured Colorado would give them something. Didn’t happen. Texas quarterback Vince Young is making dog meat of defenses all year. However Texas Tech quarterback Cody Hodges is just chucking—634 yards last week versus Kansas State. 17 points seems like a lot of points to give to a team that just loves to score within its first three plays. But we said Colorado was getting too many points as well. Take Texas until they prove other wise.

PICK!: TEX -17

Chopping Lines: David Carr Is Dead

READ MORE: Chopping Lines, Houston Texans, Indianapolis Colts, NFL Betting

Sunday 1:00 p.m.

Houston Texans (0-5)

Best Line: HOU +16, INDY -15.5

Well, we all saw how much last week’s theory about the Texans having to win at somepoint during the season. Yes. And they show up on Sunday night in front of a national audience and just embarrass the crap out of themselves. At one point, ESPN’s Joe Theisman suggested the whole Texans offensive line be stripped naked and beaten with socks filled with pool balls. We’ Two years ago, the Texans may have had a shot at covering this game. Maybe even last year if the Colts were still in that “retooling” phase of their defense. Well, not anymore, Dwight Freeney for President, et al. The Texans face another high-powered offense—maybe not better than the Seahawks on paper, but you know, it’s still the Colts—and have shown absolutely no interest in playing for anything. David Carr is coddling his linemen even though they’re getting him killed. He may be sacked 77 times this weekend. We don’t see any reason how the Colts can cover this thing, even if they had two extra players and three extra downs.

PICK!: INDY -15.5