CNNSI’s Hack-tastic John Walters

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We’ve never been a big fan of CNN sports writer John Walters, dating back to a bunch of articles he wrote about the World Series of Poker. The articles revealed a writer who knew zilch about poker and without much interest in getting basic facts right. But, hey, live and let live, we always say. Until you find us bored and nearly drunk on a Friday afternoon, that is. After the jump, eff John Walters…

…AND SIR, YOU’RE NO STEPHEN A. SMITH

After the column Walters posted today we must take a stand. And not because Walters picked Michigan State to upset the much-beloved Nittany Lions, oh no. Indeed, the fact that Walters picked the Spartans to beat Penn State may be reason enough to start chilling the champagne in Happy Valley. No no, it’s his prediction of the Michigan-Ohio State game that must be immediately addressed.

It’s not the fact that Walters picks Michigan to beat Ohio State (who really cares about that game anyway?). It’s WHAT he writes that sets the stomach to churning. Here’s Walters’ opening sentence:

“How fitting is it that a man named Carr is the coach at a campus so close to the Motor City?”

Well, yes, Ann Arbor is 45 miles away from Detroit. And, yes, they make cars in Detroit until they ship those jobs to Juarez, Mexico. We concede the point. But, um, Lloyd Carr has been the head coach at Michigan for 10 years. Is this the first time Walters made the Carr-Detroit connection? More to the point, does Walters think he’s the FIRST person to make this connection? And delving even further, does he think this is an especially pithy observation? Let’s stop right here before things spin out of control.

Oops, too late, because here’s what Walters writes next:

“Asked after Saturday’s defeat of Indiana how long it would take him to start thinking about the Buckeyes, the Wolverine coach replied, “I don’t think you ever stop thinking about them.” So this Carr is driven.

Now, we’ve written some howlers in our time. We’ve maybe even written a few today. But there is no way, NO WAY, we’d ever let a line like “So this Carr is driven” get past our internal censor. We have to look at ourselves in the mirror come the morn. We could have a loaded Glock pointed at our skulls and an editor (Ed. Note - “editor” bears no resemblence to the oft-surly AJ Daulerio) screaming “TYPE! TYPE!” and we wouldn’t let “So this Carr is driven” come into existence at our instigation. So either CNN has some really abusive editorial practices, or John Walters really needs a clichectomy.

Walters’ Weekend Picks [CNNSI]
Previously: Mean Gene Tells CNNSI Their Poker Writer Sucks [Oddjack]