Cultural Oddsmaker: The Facts of Life

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It’s the Wednesday before Thanksgiving and you know what that means—amateur night at your local hometown bar and DUI check points on every corner. Yippee! In the spirit of Thanksgiving, today’s Cultural Oddsmaker will forecast the upcoming season of that spicy little girl school raunchfest, The Facts of Life. We’ve solicited ace handicapper Timmy Okeafor to give us the good, the bad and the there-you-have odds for the start of the new season. Put on your best Edna Garret costume and follow along after the jump!

ODDS

· Tootie will have season ending back surgery: 3/1

· Jo will showcase her brilliant robe collection and take up abstract painting: 4/1

· Mrs. Garrett will take it high and hard from a Bolivian drug lord: 7/1

· Blair swallows a cricket while blow-drying her hair, sending the house in a collective tailspin: EVEN

· Cousin Geri begins to dress provactively to attract more boys, but keeps putting clothes on backwards: 1/4

· Natalie puts on her Charlie Chaplin costume every night in the hopes of once again being sexually assaulted in the woods: 3/1

· Cousin Geri gets a piggy-back ride from handyman George: 4/1

· Handyman George vomits during piggy-back ride due to Cousin Geri’s weird attempt at dressing provocatively: EVEN

FUN WITH THE OVER UNDER

· Number of times Mrs. Garrett bakes a quiche: 12

· Number of occasions Jo makes light of out of control situation in Iraq: 2

· Number of times Tootie gets flustered by lack of attention paid to her new roller skating trick: 4

· Number of times Tootie gets flustered by rest of house’s positive reaction to Cousin Geri’s roller skating trick, which only consists of her falling down and counting to six: 7

· Body fat percentage of Natalie throughout the season: 34

· Number of fingers lost by Blair when Cousin Geri buys a weed whacker: 3

· Nielsen ratings during Cousin Geri roller skating trick episode: 2.7