Oddjack Cultural Oddsmaker: Lost

READ MORE: Cultural Oddsmaker, Lost, Television Betting

It is a glorious time of the year—crackling leaves, that wood-burning Halloween smell, and that unsettling feeling that we’re just getting older every day and all of our dreams are slowly disintegrating into a pile of ash. But we have the fall TV season to get us through. In celebration of the beginning of its second season, today’s Cultural Oddsmaker gives the breakdown on ABC’s Gilligan-esque hit show Lost. Our guest handicapper is Aileen Gallagher of the mighty Black Table, who shows us that she’s as adept at oddsmaking as she is at sneering. Proceed to the land of Lost, after the jump.

Honestly, when was the last time a network television show got your attention? OK, pretend you don’t know about The O.C.. We here at Oddjack are so wary of broadcast TV that we don’t even notice it until it’s out on DVD. A couple of weeks ago Blockbuster had nothing to rent except this show that the lame guy at our office talked up called Lost. Maybe watching it would give us something to discuss round the ole water cooler.

A coke-fueled 24 hours later, we’d watched the entire season.

Tonight marks the premier of Lost’s second season, where we will learn who took Walt, what those numbers mean, and precisely how many shirts Jack can sweat through. Who are we kidding – these writers won’t give up shit until February sweeps week. In the meantime, we can assuage our curiosity through the magic of gambling.

ODDS

The entire island goes on a heroin binge with the stash from the Beechcraft, and is nodding out when the rescue boat shows up: 18/2

Locke eats someone’s heart: 5/1

Locke eats his own heart: 3/1

More Oz cast members appear on the island, commence shanking: 9/1

Probability that Lost has some sort of religious/apocalyptic message that has something to do with the environment: 2/1

Lost serves as a lead-in to Laid a show about 48 survivors of the crash of Hooters Air Flight 815: 3/2

The Extreme Makeover team picks the cast of Lost as their next deserving family: 31/3

Richard Hatch from CBS’s Survivor kicks John Locke’s ass: 74/3

The irate cavemen from GEICO know all the answers, refuse to help: 29/2

Chances that Lost on HBO would feature more swearing than Deadwood: EVEN

Flashbacks grow increasingly mundane when Hurley gleans meaning recalling his last dump in civilization: 6/2

The 25 other survivors we know nothing about are really ugly and unfit for primetime: EVEN

FUN WITH THE OVER/UNDER

Amount of times you’ll think to yourself this season, “Those people must stiiiinnnnk” – 32

Factor by which Dominic Monaghan appears straighter on Lost than LOTR - 52

Number of meaningful glances between Kate and Jack – 19

Factor by which you stop caring about their sexual tension with every glance – 6

Amount of awkward father/son moments between Jack and his dad or Michael and Walt that remind you Lost is a network television show – 14

Number of shitty imitation serial dramas in development right now – 8

Days Dick Wolfe has given his creative team to come up with six variations of a serial drama he can syndicate for the next 15 years: 2

Messageboard posts featuring “Which Lost Character Are You” games: 1,218

Pages of dirty fan fiction involving Sayid and Shannon in S&M gear: 423

Previous Cultural Oddsmakers