Ultra-Violette

READ MORE: Cyndy Violette, Poker

We’re big fans of Cyndy Violette. She’s got the “hot mom” thing all dialed in, and don’t think for a minute we don’t like that. She also plays poker at a pretty high level, despite never once making a Celebrity Poker Showdown final table (what’s up with that?). We’d totally make a move on Cyndy (were we geographically close, just a little older, and at least 300% wealthier), were it not for one little thing. From an article in Card Player Magazine online:

“I ask her what’s in the CD player, and she turns up a motivational CD produced by a gentleman known only as “The Coach.” He speaks about your ability to create anything you desire in your life. “The Coach” does not sell his CDs, she tells me; instead, he gives them away to people who ask for them. She also tells me that “The Coach” gave her a nickname, one that many people may not be familiar with yet: Ultra-Violette. “He’s great,” she says with a smile, as she turns up the volume. Then she turns it back down and let’s me in on a project in the works. She plans to come out with a series of positive affirmation CDs for poker players. The working title? “Positive Poker.” We stop on the side of the Urth Café, an organic coffee house, to talk about her life now.”

We can excuse the corny nickname, but that hippie shit has got to go. Organic coffee and life affirmations? There’s a lot we’d do for an attractive, successful, wealthy woman who’s an absolute marmoset in the sack (we’re assuming), but giving up Southern Comfort, cigarettes, and our sarcastic approach to interpersonal relationships ain’t happening.

Cyndy Violette’s lifestyle and poker game… very ‘healthy’ [CardPlayer]

Not 2005 WSOP: Ultimate Poker Challenge Crowns a Champ

READ MORE: 2005 WSOP, Cyndy Violette, Poker

Wait, Cyndy Violette didn’t make the final table? Then why are we leading with a pic of her on this story?

Will you look at that rack? We got some comments from readers over the past couple of days about our inclusion of Cyndy in that journalistically integrityish expose on the websites of various pro poker babes, and to answer, we’ll just point you to that picture courtesy of Las Vegas Vegas. Cyndy’s like your mom’s best friend that you’re not entirely sure hasn’t been making eyes at you every time she makes a flimsy excuse to stop over to your mom’s house. Does anyone really scrapbook, or is that just a euphemism for middle-aged women getting crocked on cheap Chardonnay while griping about how bad their hot flashes are getting?

Fine, yeah, there was a poker tournament yesterday too. Andy Bloch ended up winning the thing. He took home $167,500 for his troubles, beating Blair Rodman at the end with Jack-Four, also known as “The Jackhammer.” It’s not real cute when you slam Jack-Four down on the table, showing a stone bluff while yelling, “Y’all just been JACKHAMMERED!” Doesn’t mean we haven’t done it though.

UPC Final Table Update [Tao of Poker]
Ultimate Poker Challenge Final Table Recap [LasVegasVegas]
Previously: Nice Website Isabelle - Where’s Your Webcam? [Oddjack]

Nice Website Isabelle - Where’s Your Webcam?

READ MORE: Clonie Gowen, Cyndy Violette, Evelyn Ng, Isabelle Mercier, Poker

Pittsburgh’s most decorated poker blogger, “Mean Gene” Bromberg, is floating on cloud nine today. Then again, it could just be emissions from a nearby steel plant. Regardless, Geno is a happy man - his unrequited celebrity crush just blossomed into a post-modern, pre-stalking, sort of new-age exchange. The lovely Isabelle Mercier linked him up on her new website. Hell, we’re smitten too. She’s a French-Canadian beauty who’s got no remorse taking every last dollar you own off the table. Except for her beauty, the French-Canadian thing, and the good-at-poker part (math is hard for girls), sounds like every woman we know really.

Anyway, after the jump we’ll link you in to the lovely ladies of poker - what good is an attractive woman without a website these days? And where is the “Members Only” area, if you know what we mean…?

LE PETITE FLEUR

Nearest we can tell, that means “The Little Flower” in French. Gentlemen, welcome to IsabelleMercier.com. The plusses? You’ve got access to quite a few tasteful (dammit) pictures, and her guest book provides some decent comedy. “Hung” writes, “Ohhhh i want to bone you so bad.” Nothing like subtlety when you’re trying land a beautiful woman. The negatives? Her blog is written in French, she has zero poker tips for her visitors, and the whole goddamn thing is built out of Flash, so it’s an animated pain in the ass. Did we learn nothing from the lessons of Eddie Monger Thunder Kickboxing? (An Oddjack favorite right there - lightning bolts are super sweet)

GRADE: B-

OKIE DOKEY

There’s a common misconception that Clonie Gowen is a native Texan. Actually, that’s just the type of bullshit those Alamo-loving big-hat-wearing yokels would have you believe. Let’s give credit where credit is due, the lovely Clonie is an Okie from way back. As a matter of fact, not only was she Miss Teen McAlester at fifteen, but she was on her high school’s State Championship basketball team. Clonie’s site is more press release than spank material, but she’s billed as a “thirty-two year old mother of two,” so she might as well be your mom. Then again, we’d still pork your mom. Again.

It looks like Clonie intends to put some poker tips up at some point, and has a little photo gallery featuring one drunk-ass Tara Reid pic you won’t want to miss. Other than that, the cupboard is bare. And pretty boring.

GRADE: C+

EVY BABEEE

Evelyn Ng is just your average girl-next-door - if your neighbor is a hot six foot Asian who can execute a stop-and-go holding just bottom pair. Apparently, her new website (Evybabee 2.0 we guess) is under construction, but her old site is site is still functioning - and still crappy. Yeah, there are the requisite pictures, which are generally a lot hotter than Clonie’s, and probably on par with Isabelle’s, but everything else is just plain boring…

…Except that she’s allowing visitors to download her top 10 MP3s from a special page on her site. We here at Oddjack believe this is tantamount to theft, and call dibs on showing up in Vegas with special handcuffs and massage oils to make our “citizen’s arrest.” We will absolutely get this dangerous criminal off her feet - we mean off the street. By the way, nice knowing one of her favorite songs is called “SexBomb.”

GRADE: D

THAT’S A LOVELY HOUSECOAT YOU’RE WEARING MRS. CLEAVER

Somewhere between Soccer Mom and the Ninth Grade English Teacher you had a crush on is Cyndy Violettte. Look, we’re a sucker for a gamblin’ girl, and so far as poker playing women are concerned, it doesn’t get a whole lot better than Cyndy. She is easily the most underappreciated G.L.O.P. (Gorgeous Ladies Of Poker), and has as much or more game than any of the other widely-acknowledged G.L.O.P. girls.

Unfortunately, her website blows. You get the requisite bio information, a couple of multimedia clips, and just about the worst self-improvement parable you’ve ever heard in your life. Look, if we’re in the mood to be preached to, we’d invite those nice Mormon boys to get in our backyard steel cage with the neighborhood Witnesses, and let them talk themselves in circles for a few hours. Actually, that might be fun. Anyone know a couple of Hare Krishnas and a crazy celebrity Scientologist we can have stop by too?

GRADE: F-

Isabelle Mercier
Jaw, Meet Floor [Mean Gene]
Thunder Kickboxing? [Eddie Monger]
Clonie Gowen
Evelyn Ng
Cyndy Violette
Previously: Poll - Which Poker Babe Would You Like To Bang? [Oddjack]