Nice Website Isabelle - Where’s Your Webcam?

READ MORE: Clonie Gowen, Cyndy Violette, Evelyn Ng, Isabelle Mercier, Poker

Pittsburgh’s most decorated poker blogger, “Mean Gene” Bromberg, is floating on cloud nine today. Then again, it could just be emissions from a nearby steel plant. Regardless, Geno is a happy man - his unrequited celebrity crush just blossomed into a post-modern, pre-stalking, sort of new-age exchange. The lovely Isabelle Mercier linked him up on her new website. Hell, we’re smitten too. She’s a French-Canadian beauty who’s got no remorse taking every last dollar you own off the table. Except for her beauty, the French-Canadian thing, and the good-at-poker part (math is hard for girls), sounds like every woman we know really.

Anyway, after the jump we’ll link you in to the lovely ladies of poker - what good is an attractive woman without a website these days? And where is the “Members Only” area, if you know what we mean…?

LE PETITE FLEUR

Nearest we can tell, that means “The Little Flower” in French. Gentlemen, welcome to IsabelleMercier.com. The plusses? You’ve got access to quite a few tasteful (dammit) pictures, and her guest book provides some decent comedy. “Hung” writes, “Ohhhh i want to bone you so bad.” Nothing like subtlety when you’re trying land a beautiful woman. The negatives? Her blog is written in French, she has zero poker tips for her visitors, and the whole goddamn thing is built out of Flash, so it’s an animated pain in the ass. Did we learn nothing from the lessons of Eddie Monger Thunder Kickboxing? (An Oddjack favorite right there - lightning bolts are super sweet)

GRADE: B-

OKIE DOKEY

There’s a common misconception that Clonie Gowen is a native Texan. Actually, that’s just the type of bullshit those Alamo-loving big-hat-wearing yokels would have you believe. Let’s give credit where credit is due, the lovely Clonie is an Okie from way back. As a matter of fact, not only was she Miss Teen McAlester at fifteen, but she was on her high school’s State Championship basketball team. Clonie’s site is more press release than spank material, but she’s billed as a “thirty-two year old mother of two,” so she might as well be your mom. Then again, we’d still pork your mom. Again.

It looks like Clonie intends to put some poker tips up at some point, and has a little photo gallery featuring one drunk-ass Tara Reid pic you won’t want to miss. Other than that, the cupboard is bare. And pretty boring.

GRADE: C+

EVY BABEEE

Evelyn Ng is just your average girl-next-door - if your neighbor is a hot six foot Asian who can execute a stop-and-go holding just bottom pair. Apparently, her new website (Evybabee 2.0 we guess) is under construction, but her old site is site is still functioning - and still crappy. Yeah, there are the requisite pictures, which are generally a lot hotter than Clonie’s, and probably on par with Isabelle’s, but everything else is just plain boring…

…Except that she’s allowing visitors to download her top 10 MP3s from a special page on her site. We here at Oddjack believe this is tantamount to theft, and call dibs on showing up in Vegas with special handcuffs and massage oils to make our “citizen’s arrest.” We will absolutely get this dangerous criminal off her feet - we mean off the street. By the way, nice knowing one of her favorite songs is called “SexBomb.”

GRADE: D

THAT’S A LOVELY HOUSECOAT YOU’RE WEARING MRS. CLEAVER

Somewhere between Soccer Mom and the Ninth Grade English Teacher you had a crush on is Cyndy Violettte. Look, we’re a sucker for a gamblin’ girl, and so far as poker playing women are concerned, it doesn’t get a whole lot better than Cyndy. She is easily the most underappreciated G.L.O.P. (Gorgeous Ladies Of Poker), and has as much or more game than any of the other widely-acknowledged G.L.O.P. girls.

Unfortunately, her website blows. You get the requisite bio information, a couple of multimedia clips, and just about the worst self-improvement parable you’ve ever heard in your life. Look, if we’re in the mood to be preached to, we’d invite those nice Mormon boys to get in our backyard steel cage with the neighborhood Witnesses, and let them talk themselves in circles for a few hours. Actually, that might be fun. Anyone know a couple of Hare Krishnas and a crazy celebrity Scientologist we can have stop by too?

GRADE: F-

Isabelle Mercier
Jaw, Meet Floor [Mean Gene]
Thunder Kickboxing? [Eddie Monger]
Clonie Gowen
Evelyn Ng
Cyndy Violette
Previously: Poll - Which Poker Babe Would You Like To Bang? [Oddjack]