Beyonce/Jay-Z: 99 Problems But the Hitch Ain’t One

TAGS: Beyonce, Celebrity Wedding, Event Betting: Celebrities, Jay-Z

Apparently that’s why the odds are so short on this super-secret bootylicious couple and their pending nuptials. The sure-fired sharps at Sportsinteraction are offering 3/1 odds on this couple to be wed before the end of the year. When you think about it, it makes perfect sense. Destiny’s Child is no more, Jay-Z is retired, and Lil’ Kim is going to prison. That’s exactly how Nostradamus predicted it and it should be on your betting radar as an easy $200 pick-up if you’ve got the bean to throw at them. So, hurry over to your nearest ATM, whip out your hot pants, but as always, leave the guns and the knives at home.

Bet On Beyonce And Jay-Z to Wed [IOL]
Beyonce and Jay-Zs Destiny [Sportsinteraction]

Celebrity Weddings: Paris Odds Heat Up Without Camera—For Now

TAGS: Event Betting: Celebrities, Paris Hilton

Paris may have lost its Olympic bid, but that doesn’t mean Greeks still won’t be performing some strenuous gymanstics throughout the country in the near future. Perhaps there may even be javelin-shaped dildos involved? Yes, BetRoyal fears nothing as it steps into the fray and offers propositions on Miss Hilton’s upcoming nuptials with Paris Latsis. Will Paris and Paris sell their wedding pictures to Britain’s mondo-cheese-tastic OK Magazine (10/11)? Oh ye of little faith! – there are such long odds on whether Paris will actually marry Paris before December 31st 2005 (3/1). Will Paris marry Paris in Paris (5/1)? While a wedding in the ladies room at Vegas’ ghostbar sounds more appropriate, we like the idea that Miss Hilton and Mister Latsis will tie the knot en France!

Paris Hilton propositions (BetRoyal)
Previously: Oddjack Cultural Oddsmaker: Paris Hilton Engagement [Oddjack]

Oprah Now In Pole Position To Score MJ Get

TAGS: Event Betting: Celebrities

It’s been a while since we did a Michael Jackson post. It seems like ages ago that the fake-nosed moonwalker was acquitted of having fanny rubbing sleepovers at his Neverland Ranch. Well, with recent reports that his post-trial interview would be sold to the highest bidder, the lovable jigs at Paddy Power have posted new odds on the favorite to interview MJ. And, of course, once there is money involved, is it really a shock that Oprah is the favorite at 8-11? And who had odds on Oprah being the talk show host to have the most absorbing interviews with derailed celebrities?

Who Will Interview Michael Jackson? [Paddy Power]
Previously: Larry King New Favorite For MJ Interview [Oddjack]

Lil Kim Goes To Hot All Girl’s Prison - Who’s Next?

TAGS: Event Betting: Celebrities

Now that Kimberly Jones, aka “Lil’ Kim,” has been incarcerated, the good folks at BetUS have updated their lines for who might be the next celebrity to wear the horizontal stripes and cuffs. From an article in The Olympian:

Mike Tyson, builder of the Paradise Valley pigeon palace, is a 3-2 favorite to be the next celebrity guest of the American justice system…

Among those most likely to have criminal-defense attorneys on speed dial, Tyson is followed by rapper 50 Cent and actor Charlie Sheen, tied at 7-2 odds.

Other posited celebrity defendants include Colin Farrell (5-1), Lindsay Lohan (15-1), R. Kelly (5-1), Billy Joel (9-2) and, assuming a Punk’d gone horribly awry, Ashton Kutcher (18-1).

Our picks after the jump.

Why should we let BetUS have all the fun here? Where they come up short in their oddsmaking is that in some fit of political correctness, they refuse to guess at what act might throw these celebrities in the pokey. We’re not above that here.

MORTAL LOCKS

We don’t need some bald-ass Pre-Cog to clue us in that Tom Cruise is in trouble. He’s been acting like a ninth grader who’s missed a couple doses of Ritalin lately, and we’re predicting (along with everyone else) that he’s going to snap. Oddjack officially sets an 8/1 line that he goes to jail after assaulting two airport Hare Krishnas in LAX who taunt him about his fake religion.

Let’s not forget the brainwashing job done to Katie Holmes either. Sooner or later she’s going to be at a California/Anaheim/Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim game, Ricardo Montalban is going to push the button on his transmitter, and she’s going to pull a pistol out from under second base and try to kill the Queen. We’ll set that at 10/1 just in case Drebin can make sure we don’t ever see that seventh inning stretch.

It’s a poorly kept secret in Hollywood that Wilmer Valderrama is on a quest to bang every starlet who’s ever made the cover of Teen People. Where he’s going to slip up, we think, is that sooner or later the love children will come out of the woodwork and give him a child support bill that makes Shawn Kemp’s monthly payment look like a single “Save the Children” sponsorship. 12/1 he gets thrown in the clink because them Fez checks ain’t what they used to be.

MAYBE, PROBABLY, WE’RE JUST SPECULATING

With “The Wedding Crashers” opening this week, we fully expect it will come as a shock and surprise that Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson have made a movie without somehow sneaking screentime-whore Ben Stiller into the picture. We had originally thought incessant showings of “Zoolander” on TBS might be Stiller’s breaking point, but this Vaugh/Wilson collaboration should send a spiral of depression his way. We’re laying 15/1 that Stiller will be found in a Manhattan cinema this Friday, dancing around like a caffeinated chimp in front of the screen, and eventually shipped out to Rikers’ for that Disturbing the Peace/Resisting Arrest exacta.

From the files of “You can take the boy out of Alabama, but…” Mister Britney himself, Kevin Federline, can’t be all that pleased that his ex, Shar Jackson, has been seen canoodling around with highly successful neo-chop socky director Quentin Tarantino. We’re opening the book at 18-1 that Mr. Spears-Federline will get drunk on a case of Natty Light, hop into a Ford Ranger, and lead a COPS crew on a high speed chase through the streets of Beverly Hills. He’ll be caught and cuffed after throwing a dozen empties at Tarantino’s estate while yelling, “Y’all think yer better’n me?”

LONGSHOTS, BUT WORTH A LOOK

· Christian Bale caught in Underoos, bouncing through traffic screaming “I am the Batman!” - 22/1
· Wynonna Judd killing and eating more famous and attractive sister Ashley because mom “liked her best” - 30/1
· Oprah Winfrey inadvertantly killing entire section of audience with flatulent emissions - 45/1
· Jessica Alba begins to believe “Invisible Girl” hype, caught shoplifting Robitussin and adult diapers from Pocatello, ID Walgreen’s - 60/1
· Bill O’Reilly attempts to choke straight talk out of Al Franken in mid-town Manhattan eatery. Claims Franken’s off-the-menu requests of the chef illustrated his “sickening liberal bias” - 75/1

Site bets Tyson is next lawbreaker [The Olympian]
Previously: Russell Crowe’s Next Victim [Oddjack]

Betting On The Brangelina Beauty Seed

TAGS: Event Betting: Celebrities

Oh, it’s all moving so fast!! PaddyPower is already taking bets on Brad and Angelina’s baby name. But more importantly, we’re wondering why there are no prop bets on whether or not the future high-cheekboned hump-blob will have a mohawk and rattail like fashionable step brother Maddox? Well, maybe later.

Just last month we were wiping away the tears on the Brad Pitt-Angelina Jolie marriage proposition – jeez, we just found their wedding registry at the Chicago Pollution Exchange! The shortest odds are on a namesake for La Jolie’s mom and dad – Jon (6/1) and Mircheline 16/1), but maybe celebrity family feud news doesn’t get much play in the Irish tabloids. Outsider shots at 250/1 include name checks for Angie’s sofa lovin’ ex Billy Bob and Pitt’s ex Gwyneth. Pear, another 250 to 1 shot, would breathe life into the fruit name craze, but we favor the unlisted Apricot – hey, it’s luscious and it’s got a Pitt inside it. Ba-dum-chang-crash-fart.

Mr. and Mrs. Smith Expecting? [PaddyPower]

Bennifer 2 Betting: What Ever Can We Bet On Now?

TAGS: Event Betting: Celebrities

Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner’s official wedding announcement is complete, as the two fading stars locked intimidating jawlines and secured their baby-bound union amidst the ashes of Bennifer I, Michael Vartan, and Scott Foley. And those lucky enough to get their wagers in at Sportsinteraction can now take their winnings and throw them at more Affleck/Garner lunacy:

Garner Bans Strippers From Ben’s Bachelor Party
15.00
Garner To Ditch Affleck For Matt Damon
34.00
Wedding Takes Place At Fenway Park
101.00

Too risky? Well, you can always run a flyer on their soon-to-be Affleckian brood:

Over 7.5 Lbs
1.83

Under 7.5 Lbs
1.83

Baby Boy
1.83

Baby Girl
1.83

Twins
9.00

Baby to be Named Bennifer
51.00

(All bets can be tracked by this formula: $10 x price = winning amount)

Specials [SportsInteraction]
Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner to Wed [USA Today]

Once Again, the Road to Victory Goes Through Bono

TAGS: Event Betting: Celebrities

The pub-crawling booksters at PaddyPower are once again invoking their heritage and taking bets on who will be crowned Ireland’s Greatest Living Entertainer. Some of the picks are obvious, like world ambassador Bono who is the heavy favorite at 2 to 5, followed by concert promoting superhero and former Boomtown Rat Bob Geldof at 3 to 1. Up-and-coming professional cooze hound Colin Farrell is 28 to 1 and Daniel Day Lewis’ left foot is at 80 to 1. Bono not winning this would be one of the greatest upsets of all time—similar to the NC State victory over Houston for the 1983 NCAA championship or even Evander Holyfield being elimated from Dancing With the Stars. So, don’t go overboard on non-Bono betting.
Who Will Be Crowned Ireland’s Greatest Living Entertainer? [PaddyPower]

Budding I-Bankers: Time To Revamp Your Monster.com Profile

TAGS: Event Betting: Celebrities

The Prince of Wales, Prince William(that’s the one who doesn’t get in trouble)may be headed for a U.S. investment bank when he works for a financial house for a month late this year. Betting firm Cantor Index has opened a market on the likely destination of the 23-year-old prince, with Merrill Lynch and the investment arm of JP Morgan Chase emerging among the favorites along with UK institutions including Barclays Capital and Schroders. That must make all of those Wharton grads pretty happy to know that they may have to compete with a prince to get a job. Honestly, could you imagine sitting in a waiting room at JP Morgan in your new $150 suit you bought off the rack at Boyd’s and then Prince William comes walking out of the interview room?

Prince William Odds [Cantor Index]
Odds Favor Prince Working for a US Bank [Reuters]

James Bond Betting: Enter Goran Vingndkdjxiji(That Dude From ER)

TAGS: Event Betting: Celebrities

Apparently there are still people in the world that are huge James Bond fans. Oddjack has not watched a James Bond film since that one where he banged Grace Jones. The one with the Duran Duran song in the title. Anyway, apparently Pierce Brosnan may be stepping down from the role and there is plenty of action on whom the new James Bond will be. Or at least there was. Online bookmakers William Hill and Ladbrokes both had lines on the actor to replace Bond—ranging from Clive Owen to Collin Farrell to Robbie Williams—but have yet to update the lines since many of the original frontrunners like Hugh Jackman and Ewan McGreggor have cooled off on the role. The new frontrunner is reportedly Daniel Craig, of the crime movie that is just another variation on Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrells Part 6, Layer Cake, and Owen. Also in the mix is Goran Visjnic of ER, who recently screentested for the part. Filming for Casino Royale is set to begin soon after the actor is chosen for a 2006 release.

Who Will Be The Next James Bond? [ET]
Goran Vijnic Reportedly Screentesting For Bond Role Next Wednesday [MI6]

More Celebrity Jailbirds: Bet On The Downward Spiral

TAGS: Event Betting: Celebrities

The online booksters at BetUs have hopped into the celebrity legal troubles arena and listed odds on whom will be next to be handcuffed and tabloid fodder for all the world to see. Heavy favorites include actor and prostitute devotee Charlie Sheen(7 to 2), beleaguered boxer Mike Tyson(3 to 2), professional piano playing drunk stunt driver Billy Joel(9 to 2), and grab-ass afficionado Christian Slater (9 to 1). Oddjack’s personal pick is former Friends star Matthew Perry at 15 to 2, who is bound to get into trouble just loafing around following Jennifer Capriati’s tennis matches. The Vicodin bottle inches that much closer as his career continues to fade. After the jump, examine the dubious list and go scuba diving in mall fountains to scrounge up enough change to bet on your favorite.

Billy Joel

9 to 2

Mike Tyson

3 to 2

Who Will Be The Next Celebrity To Be Arrested? [Bet Us]

U2 Betting: Where the Beats Have No Name

TAGS: Event Betting: Celebrities

U2’s return to Dublin this Friday inspires some wacky propositions from their hometown bookies over at Paddy Power. What will the loquacious Bono talk about on the Croke Park stage while the Edge tunes up? Bettors are leaning heavily on a mentions of the troubled Live8 concert (1/2) and President Bush (2/1). If Bono drops Michael Jackson’s name, you could be earning 8/1. And if he mentions Paddy Power, you’ll earn 16/1.

What will be the opening song of their Croke Park set? “Vertigo” is the dizzying favorite at 2/5 but “City of Blinding Light” (4/1) and “Beautiful Day” (7/1) get some play. Sadly, punters can’t lay money on “Free Bird”, which isn’t listed on PP’s board. We wonder if Bo Bice wasn’t available?

U2 Specials [Paddy Power]

Cruise/Holmes: Odds of Self-Immolation are Imminent

TAGS: Event Betting: Celebrities

Now that the sideshow engagement is officially underway, the next thing to bet your sister’s allowance on for the Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes wedding is the destination and when it’ll happen.(Sadly, the “fourth circle of Hades” and “when robotic mailmen roam the earth” are not options.) However, the slap-happy bookmakers at Sportsinteraction have set aside some reasonable prices for Katie and Tom’s wedding date and location with the wholly original Paris being offered at 1.50 as the frontrunner and—brace yourselves—JUNE/JULY 2005 at 2.25 as the favorite. Yet, Ladbrokes takes the more tasteful and realistic line which is when the googly-eyed brainwashing will mercifully end. Ladbrokes has the odds of a Cruise/Holmes dissolution at 5/1 right now.

Entertainment Specials [Sportsinteraction]
Bookmakers Take Bets on Cruise Holmes Divorcing [Contact Music]