Oddjack Cultural Oddsmaker: Paris Hilton Engagement

filed under Event Betting : Celebrities

So, who’s not excited about the Paris Hilton engagement? This is potentially a bettor’s dream with odds firing out from everywhere as to when, where, or how Ms. Hilton could impress a very rich man like Paris Latsis so much that he’d actually set himself up for what seems to be a miserable life filled with emasculation and infidelity. But stranger things have happened in the world of gambling, especially when it comes to Paris, whom is angling to have the only wedding dress that shows off a significant amount of camel toe.

After the jump, Oddjack pulls together some of the hottt, sticky Paris action we’re likely to see in the coming months from the bookmaker’s point of view.

Will Paris Hilton be married by June 2006?
Paris Hilton has established herself as the freewheeling, oversexed, overexposed socialite loved and loathed by many. Given her past (her present, even) it’s tough to throw money at her actually following through with her pending nuptials to Greek shipping heir Paris Latsis. Betting on Paris Hilton getting married is the equivalent of placing money on a pitcher coming back from rotator cuff surgery to win the Cy Young the following season. Sure, there’s a good chance they could pitch well—the sutures may have healed, the confidence is creeping back, but his arm (or, in Paris’ case, pants) could fall off at any time. So, that’s where we’d tread lightly.

Odds: 15/1

Will Paris Hilton and Paris Latsis have children before or after June 2006?
There are many things Paris is—rich, slut, tramp, rich, slut, er, tramp…but one trait that she’s never displayed is a motherly instinct. Far be it from us to delve into the deepest depths of Paris’ coochie-waving soul, but it’s tough to for one instant to imagine Paris doing something with a small child other than borrowing its clothes. It’s a safe bet to say that any procreation will not come from this marriage. Save your money for husband number three and the chances of adopting a Vietnamese child named Oon Fau, which will most likely be the new teacup chihuahua in 2026.

Odds: 3/2

Will Nicole Richie be invited to the wedding?
Here’s another tricky thing to bet on—given the history between the Simple Life co-stars, it would almost seem like a lock for her to be invited and possibly in the wedding party. But the recent fall-out seems to have put a damper on the relationship. Could a Paris and Ree-Ree reunion be a sign of the Hilton’s more subdued, forgiving, and mature state of mind? Of course. But the odds are tenuous. We must remember that Ms. Richie is part African-American and Hilton’s latent racism may emerge and just have Richie invited for the sole purpose of bussing tables.

Odds: 8/2

Will the Paris Hilton marriage receive little or no media coverage?
Here’s where the easy money is—however, it’ll be no money. You’d probably have to lay $48,000 just to win $10 back on this bet. However, there is the distinct possibility that this could happen and secure a huuuuge payday for one savvy investor. Those betting on these odds are essentially betting a on a massive terrorist attack, a giant Texas-sized meteor hurling into the earth’s atmosphere, or the world being overrun by flesh-eating mutants from planet Poondar. Sadly, those are the only things that could steal away the headlines from this unholiest of unions. For one day, at least.

Odds: 456, 306/1.