Fantasy Baseball: Crooked Hatted Nat Rules The World

READ MORE: Chad Cordero, Eric Karabell, Fantasy Baseball

Why is Washington Nationals’ closer Chad Cordero on top in the Eric Karabell’s Insider “Closer Report”? And why is the Oakland A’s Huston Street so low? We’ll never understand the goofy math this guy uses, but we certainly cannot advocate putting Cordero up top, if only for the fact that he joins the ranks of Florida Marlins’ outfielder Juan Pierre and Cleveland Indians’ pitcher C.C. Sabathia in the retard hat-wearing club. But, then again, with so many top tier closers(K-Rod, Hermanson, Rivera, et al) drinking the poop shake in the last week, maybe it makes sense. Find out the rest of Karabell’s rankings after the jump. Maybe.

(Rankings based on overall 5x5 value combined with projected future performance. Last week’s ranking & alternate closer listed in parentheses.)

1. Chad Cordero (5, Luis Ayala)
2. Jason Isringhausen (2, Julian Tavarez)
3. Mariano Rivera (1, Tom Gordon)
4. Brad Lidge (3, Dan Wheeler)
5. Joe Nathan (4, Juan Rincon)
6. Eddie Guardado (6, J.J. Putz)
7. Bob Wickman (7, David Riske)
8. Billy Wagner (9, Ugueth Urbina)
9. Francisco Cordero (10, Doug Brocail)
10. Francisco Rodriguez (8, Scot Shields)
11. Huston Street (14, Jay Witasick)
12. B.J. Ryan (11, Jorge Julio)
13. Trevor Hoffman (12, Scott Linebrink)
14. Todd Jones (13, Guillermo Mota)
15. Dustin Hermanson (15, Cliff Politte/Damaso Marte)
16. Derrick Turnbow (16, Justin Lehr)
17. Curt Schilling (17, Mike Timlin)
18. Ryan Dempster (18, Kerry Wood)
19. Miguel Batista (19, Justin Speier)
20. Brian Fuentes (20, Mike DeJean)
21. Braden Looper (22, Roberto Hernandez)
22. Jose Mesa (23, Rick White/Salomon Torres)
23. Danys Baez (24, Joe Borowski)
24. Fernando Rodney (27, Franklyn German)
25. Jose Valverde (28, Greg Aquino/Brian Bruney)
26. Chris Reitsma (21, Kyle Farnsworth)
27. Duaner Sanchez (25, Steve Schmoll)
28. Tyler Walker (29, LaTroy Hawkins/Scott Eyre)
29. David Weathers (30, Matt Belisle/Kent Mercker)
30. Mike MacDougal (26, Andrew Sisco)

Closer Report [ESPN (sub.req.)]

Fantasy Baseball: Throw Rafael Palmeiro Into the River

READ MORE: Fantasy Baseball, Rafael Palmeiro, Tristan Cockroft

ESPN’s Tristan Cockroft examines the value of holding onto the Baltimore Orioles’ medicinally confused first baseman Rafael Palmeiro now that he’s back in the Orioles lineup. Guess what he said? It wasn’t offer your best pitching prospect immediately, let’s put it that way. Cockroft says that at this time of the year, Palmeiro’s playing time will be so sporadic(and ineffective) that it’s best to drop him. Yes, we know already knew that, but we always like to see Cockroft get all feisty and annoyed with players. It’s rather amusing.

Raffy’s Return [ESPN]

Fantasy Baseball: Corey Patterson’s Back—Should You Really Care?

READ MORE: Chicago Cubs, Corey Patterson, Fantasy Baseball

Chicago Cubs’ outfielder Corey Patterson is back from his month-long stint in the minors to “retool” and “refocus”, professional athlete speak for “complete skills meltdown.” Well, Patterson is back up and owners still seeking that 30 home run/30 stolen base combo at the stretch run should perk up their ears. Or should they? One of Yahoo Sports’ thousands of fantasy minions, Ted Carlson, says owners in the mid-tier should give him a looksy for the high reward potential with 10 homers/10 steals over the last few weeks of the season. But Carlson also says Patterson could also go all Whiff City again and be a total drain on your offensive numbers.

Pick Up of the Week: Corey Patterson [Yahoo]

Fantasy Baseball: Karabell’s Solutions for the Derek Lee Downturn

READ MORE: Derek Lee, Eric Karabell, Fantasy Baseball

ESPN’s fantasy worm Eric Karabell dedicates his INSIDER blog to the declining numbers of Chicago Cubs’ first baseman Derek Lee—once thought to be a Triple(cough)Crown(cough) candidate(blech). Well, those halcyon days of a 50 homer and a .365 batting average season are long gone. Karabell lists a number of baby bats to pick up the slack that are hitting better than Derek Lee of late including the Oakland A’s Dan Johnson, Texas Rangers’ Gary Matthews Jr., the Atlanta Braves’ Jeff Francoeur, and the Pittsburgh Pirates’ Chris Duffy.

Happy Hitters [ESPN Insider (sub. req.)]

Fantasy Baseball: Palmeiro Suspended, Owners Shouldn’t Feel, Um, Deflated

READ MORE: ESPN, Fantasy Baseball, Rafael Palmeiro, Tristan Cockroft

When Baltimore Orioles’ first baseman Rafael Palmeiro failed his steroid exam, the big story was the impact it’ll have on his career and how much of an idiot he looked like after being so adamant in front of Congress last March 12th during the major league baseball steroid hearings. But those of you who drafted him in the sixth or seventh round probably let out a collective ‘eh’ when the 10-game suspension was handed down. In his Out of the Box column, ESPN’s Tristan Cockroft pretty much summed up the feelings of Palmeiro fantasy owners everywhere:

The funny thing is that, as a fantasy baseball junkie throughout Palmeiro’s career, I can’t remember a single season in which anyone would have listed him as an “elite” player. He certainly never would have been a No. 1 overall pick — that instead would always go to your Barry Bonds, Pedro Martinez, Albert Pujols and Alex Rodriguez types — and most everyone would knock on the guy merely because he played first base or designated hitter — and those, of course, were “easy” positions to fill.

Palmeiro Suspended [ESPNInsider(sub. req.)
Cancel Palmeiro’s Ticket to Cooperstown [MSNBC]

Fantasy Baseball: Now Catching…Phil Nevin

READ MORE: Fantasy Baseball, Phil Nevin

All fantasy baseball owners of beleaguered San Diego Padres first baseman Phil Nevin must be rubbing themselves briskly now that they found out their once mediocre, injury-prone supposed 30-homerun guy will now gain eligibility at catcher since the season-ending injury to Padres’ catcher Ramon Hernandez. Nevin, who was supposed to be shipped off to Baltimore, will now stay put in San Diego and become the first place team’s stop gap. Nevin Owners stuck with Rod Barajas and Matt Lecroy will be happy as will Ivan Rodriguez owners who now have a trading chip to help with the end of the season.

Nevin Takes One For Team [San Diego Tribune]
Catch the Fever [ESPNInsider (sub. req.)]

Fantasy Baseball: Time to Take Mike Piazza for a Long Car Ride

READ MORE: Fantasy Baseball, Mike Piazza, Tristan Cockroft

Even though he’s hitting some home runs, it appears New York Mets’ catcher Mike Piazza has finally fed up ESPN Insider’s Tristan Cockroft to the point to where he says any owner that has him is in a very precarious position and should rid themselves of him and his dirty sanchez mustache as soon as possible. No, we know most fantasy leagues don’t count defensive liability against its players, but in his Out of the Box column Cockroft points out that the future Hall of Famer is always one crouch away from the disabled list and that his batting average and OPS are eroding rapidly. However, deeper leagues short on quality catchers may still covet Piazza because of his home run potential. But also realize that, at this point, Piazza is a lower ranked catcher than the Toronto Blue Jays’ Greg Zaun. Oof.

A Star Falls in Flushing [ESPN Insider]

Fantasy Baseball: Put Up Your Zach Duke

READ MORE: Fantasy Baseball, Zach Duke

It seems every year there’s one major call up in the major leagues that has a huge impact for fantasy baseball owners. This year that little fella is the Pittsburgh Pirates’ Zach Duke. Those owners out there lucky enough to grab him have enjoyed him immensely. Those who passed on him because he plays for the Pirates feel like drooling mongoloids.

ESPN’s fantasy baseball’s lovable scamp Tristan Cockroft says Duke has the make-up to keep up his outrageously successful performance the rest of the year:

It’s tough to precisely forecast pitching performance, and even tougher to forecast a rookie’s performance, but if any first-year hurler can rack up a Zito- or Willis-like hot streak, this is the guy. Assuming the Pirates remain on a set five-man rotation and Duke doesn’t miss any turns, he’ll make 13 more starts this season. Of course, four of them will come against the National League’s two highest-scoring offenses, the Cardinals and Reds, and he’d get two more against the red-hot Astros. But even on a poor team with a challenging schedule, he still has the ability and poise to win five or six with solid ERA and WHIP numbers.

So, those who got in early on the waiver wire should celebrate the fact they own him. Although, those Duke owners in last place in their leagues should consider trading him. And possibly Chicago Cubs’ pitcher Mark Prior. For say, perhaps, the powerful bat and thunderous thighs of Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim’s Vladimir Guerrero? We need pitching. We won’t lie.

Out of the Box: Just a Good Ol’ Boy [ESPN]
Previously: Should You Marry Zach Duke? [Oddjack]

Fantasy Baseball: Kerry Wood’s Broken Mirrors

READ MORE: Fantasy Baseball, Kerry Wood, Tristan Cockroft

The troubles for Chicago Cubs’ pitcher Kerry Wood continue. He’s ineffective a large portion of the year and goes on the DL. He comes off the DL and he looks like the dominating pitcher everybody keeps thinking he’ll be. Then he gets hurt. AGAIN. Maybe he’s Kerry Wicker? Or Kerry Deadwood. Groaaannnn.

Anyway, ESPN’s fantasy oompa-loompah Tristan Cockroft examines Kerry Wood’s bad luck streak on his fantasy owners and scratches his beach ball-sized head in haste. He also dropped one of the most nerd-a-lific fantasy sports inside jokes in history:

“In essence, Wood is looking a lot like the fantasy baseball equivalent of NFL running back Fred Taylor.”

And guess what? We laughed. We all can’t be comedy geniuses like Cockroft. So, back off.

Knock on Wood [ESPN]