Football Up Your Ass - Oddjack

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18November2005Friday

Oddjack FUYA: A Friday Morning Disclaimer

READ MORE: Football Up Your Ass, NCAA Football Betting, NFL Football Betting

oddjacklogo.jpgWe interrupt Oddjack’s usual Football Up Your Ass coverage to bring you the following announcement: While AJ is away, BG you should fade. No kidding. Sure, we’ll throw out some good and logical reasons (from our enablers around the Internet) to follow our plays, but BG’s getting his ass handed to him this season. So play these picks at your own risk.

Today, guest editor Mean Gene and BG will go head-to-head with five reasons each you should play their respective alma maters in the Penn State - Michigan State rivalry game on Saturday. We’ll be chasing stats on NFL and NCAA tilts, and we’ll also do our best to point out a few dogs we intend to play on their money lines. See, while some of us want to “gather information” and “process statistics” to come up with “sound reasons” to make their wagers, some of us just can’t watch a football game without some cash on the outcome. Screw the hard stuff, we just want to gambool.

Football Up Your Ass [Oddjack]
NCAA Football Betting Archive [Oddjack]
NFL Betting Archive [Oddjack]

14November2005Monday

Oddjack FUYA: Welcome To The New Millenium Redux

READ MORE: Bay, Betting", Buccaneers", Chicago Bears, Chris Simms, Football, Football Up Your Ass, NCAA, NFL Betting, Nathan, Tampa, Vasher"

PH2005111300473.jpgAnother week of NFL mastery. Now, we’re convinced the Chicago Bears of 2005 are the same as the ones from the 2001 season. Nathan Vasher is the new Mike Brown. This is a team that seemingly has no offense, a great defense and it also has that little ounce of luck that will propel it to victories in the regular season—and a complete collapse in the playoffs. And we knew they wouldn’t cover. Books had to learn something about giving the 49ers that many points against a team with a less-than-mediocre offense.

And then we have the suddenly studly Chris Simms and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers(You know, the things under your buckin’ hat…zing!pow!)lighting up the Redskins defense for 36 without a running game. Shocking in that Halle Berry-has-13-toes sort of way. Overall, a 5-3 NFL weekend is nothing to start fellating ourselves over, but it’s certainly cause for an unzipping.

And in the NCAA, well, we think we learned our lesson about getting greedy against USC and Texas. We thought Kansas would basically play prevent defense the whole time with six defensive backs in order to prevent being down 52-0 at halftime. They were offended by that 34 point spread, no? Way to get fired up, boys. That loss catapulted us to a cringe-worthy 2-6 in NCAA this week. Shiver.

But, of course, we’re happy with the fact that this weekend we took the lead over the feisty little gambling pug over at American Gambling News. We’d say something along the lines of “Scoreboard!” to verbalize our cockiness, but we’re not sure if he wants to claim that highly original shit-talk for himself. We’ll just stick to the always effective “Eat it.”


Oddjack FUYA: Hug An Old Guy Carrying a Flag [Oddjack]

11November2005Friday
11November2005Friday

Oddjack FUYA: Go Hug An Old Guy Carrying a Flag

READ MORE: Football Up Your Ass, NCAA Football Betting, NFL Betting, Oddjack

oddjacklogo.jpgIt’s Veterans Day. The time of the year where every local newspaper in America will have a picture of an old dude in a wheel chair clutching an American flag to his heart. And the fucking bank isn’t open and we lost our ATM card. Good times. It’s also another NFL/NCAA weekend that has us a little perplexed about what to do. We can’t for the life of us figure out why the Kansas City Chiefs are underdogs at Buffalo. And have the Bears even scored 13 points in any of their victories so far this year let alone giving that amount to San Francisco? And the Colts giving 17 1/2 seems too high against Houston. Well, maybe not.

The weekend in college football is essentially a snoozer, except for two games. The spotlight matchup has to be Florida traveling to South Carolina to face Spurrier again. We’d love nothing more if the Gators go in and trounce the crap out of him, but we have a feeling that’s not going to happen. The Gamecocks are only five point dogs and we’re sure that line would be about ten if anybody else was coaching that team. And then there’s Cal and USC. Cal’s only getting 18 points and that should be enough to cover this game for them easily. And at the beginning of the year, a lot of people saw this as the game where USC could get knocked off. Then BCS upheaval would ensue and, God knows what would happen. Good times. Our eight picks for both NFL and NCAA will come later in the day. Or maybe they won’t. We’re having trouble feeling our face this morning. We’ll do them at some point just so we can frustrate our fiery scoreboard-touting friend at American Gambling News. We’ll commence with ass-upping. Pounding out aggression, turns into obsession.

4November2005Friday

NFL Betting: Eight Picks To Get Beat Up Naked For

READ MORE: Football Up Your Ass, Free Picks, NFL Betting, Oddjack

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Cincinnati Bengals (6-2) at Baltimore Ravens (2-5)

PICK!: CINCY -3

Oakland Raiders(3-4) at Kansas City Chiefs (4-4)

PICK: OAK +4.5

Tennessee Titans (2-6) at Cleveland Browns (2-5)

PICK!: TEN +3

Chicago Bears (4-3) at New Orleans Saints (2-6)

PICK!: CHI -3

Atlanta Falcons (5-2) at Miami Dolphins (3-4)

PICK!: ATL -2

Seattle Seahawks(5-2) at Arizona Cardinals (2-5)

PICK!: SEA -4

Pittsburgh Steelers (5-2) at Green Bay Packers (1-6)

PICK!: PACK! +3.5

Philadelphia Eagles (4-3) at Washington Redskins (4-3)

PICK!: PHI +3

Oddjack FUYA: So Many Controversies, So Little Time

READ MORE: Football Up Your Ass, Oddjack

oddjacklogo.jpgHow can we possibly bet on the NFL this weekend? It’s just craziness. We’ve got T.O. doing his T.O. thing in Philly(and a questionable Donovan McNabb) with the Eagles as 3 point dogs, the Vikings starting Brad Johnson and being favored in Detroit, the start of the Charlie Batch era in Pittsburgh, and all sorts of lines showing threes and ones that have left us mighty confused. And in the NCAA, all we know for sure is the fact that we are never, ever betting on Wannstedt again(again). The Pitt Panthers had every opportunity to cover last night against Louisville (and hit the over, mind you) yet because they are saddled with a mustached-devil coach with a propensity for yanking off his headset at even the most inconsequential calls, well, we ate it.

We’ll take our usual lot of eight and eight later this afternoon and, hopefully, win enough NFL games to pass that ornery little spitball at American Gambling News. We have too. We can’t even afford to buy him beers at the end of the season at the rate we’re going so far.

28October2005Friday

Oddjack FUYA: Enter The Horsemen

READ MORE: Football Betting, Football Up Your Ass

So, now’s the time to get serious. We’re almost half-way through the football season this year already. It seems like only days ago we were trapped in a sweltering office in early June praying for this time of the year. And now it’s here and, sadly, almost over. Fucking sucks.

So, on this week’s version of Football Up Your Ass, we’re going to change a couple things up. We’ll do two links for our college and pro picks and reserve the Chopping Lines segment for the games we think are locks. The rest of the football info will be done link-wrap style for your perusing pleasure. That’s how we roll. Also, all of you people who have horse crushes will be happy to know that BG is continuing his own Horseys Up Your Ass(HUYA) all day. Dude knows his stuff. Be sure to check it out. Anyway, Horsemen are drawing nearer, a leather steed they ride.

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21October2005Friday

Oddjack FUYA: It’s Like Pre-Season All Over Again

READ MORE: Football Up Your Ass, NCAA Betting, NFL Betting

Who’s excited for Friday night football? It’ll be interesting to see how many people show up for this game in Miami tonight due to the pending weather conditions. We’re assuming most people in Miami will be standing in line at a supermarket buying bottled water or spending time duct-taping their elderly parents to a chair in the basement so they don’t float away. But not Nick Saban! This man is prepared as anything and, apparently, has missed all the hurricane reports because he’s been so engaged in watching Kansas City Chiefs film all week: “I have no idea where this thing is going,” Saban told the Miami Herald. “My focus is on what we have to do right now, and I`m going to assume that we continue to work and do what we need to do as if it may go someplace else.” See that? That’s focus. It should be noted that even though the game was moved up, the line hasn’t. Miami are still two point home favorites and the total still sits at an under-friendly 42.

And…we’re off. 8 games again this week for our weekly Football Up Your Ass-tastic free pick rundown. Lashing out the action, returning the reaction.

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Previously: It’s Muddy Outside and We Like It Like That [Oddjack]

17October2005Monday

Football Betting: Milk Was a Bad Choice

READ MORE: Football Up Your Ass, NCAA Betting, NFL Betting

TEXANS.jpgSo, what the crap were were thinking taking the Texans? That was ridiculous. Sometimes it’s better not to follow instincts and embarce the cold, hard reality that the Texans offensive line are all apparently seeing a football field for the first time in their lives. Sheesh.

Even though we went 4-4 over the weekend, we don’t feel too bad about our picks. ‘Bama just never showed up, Tulane’s defense stalled, and the Falcons couldn’t cover, but watching Jim Haslett’s sideline freak out and subesquent “chickenshit call”-laden post-game conference was well worth the money loss. And hey, how can you not feel bad for Notre Dame and Penn State? And is there a bull dozer big enough to carry Pete Carroll’s balls?

14October2005Friday

Oddjack FUYA: It’s Muddy Out and We Like It That Way

READ MORE: Football Up Your Ass, NCAA Betting, NFL Betting, Oddjack

We’re a little fired up this morning, especially after last night’s victories with both the half-dwarf Astros and the raging Tigers of Clemson. We feel smarter, lighter, even—and that’s before we even went to the bathroom. Now, we’re jazzed for another raucous weekend of game picking, and of course, we’ll use this weekend as preparation for our Monday dork-off with our caustic buddy over at American Gambling News. Today, Oddjackers, we’ll have another full-slate of football games and most likely do our NFL picks without the use of cheap shots at people with amusing disabilities. But…we did so well with that last week, it’s kind of tough to do anything else. We’re superstitious like that. Again, welcome to another Friday of Football Up Your Ass. Freezing, can’t move at all…

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Football Up Your Ass [Oddjack]

7October2005Friday

Oddjack Announcements: FUYA, Redux

READ MORE: Football Up Your Ass, MLB Playoff Betting, NCAA Football Betting, NFL Betting

So, it’s official: we’re off our baseball picks. We’re not even going into today’s games today very intently since that hasn’t seemed to work, as we are now a shameful 2-4 with our MLB playoff picks after another 0-2 outing last night. Instead, we’ll go to the ol’ coin flip to make this happen.

First game: 4:00 p.m. Chicago White Sox(Heads)/Boston Red Sox(Tails)

Tails it is!

PICK!: Red Sox

Second game: 8:05 p.m. LA Angels(Heads)/New York Yankees(Tails)

Tails it is!

Pick!: NY Yankees

Anyway, that was fun. Now, onto the more important stuff—football. Another huge slate today as we’re going all Football Up Your Ass again and making as many picks as possible over the next, oh, seven hours. Hit the lights!

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Previously: Football Up Your Ass [Oddjack]

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