We Hate Hand Histories: They Could Put In The Hill Thus

READ MORE: Hand Histories, Poker

CBS News has got the poker bug, and Ken Adams is their shot of Zicam. Did that make any sense just now? No? Fine, but it doesn’t make sense for CBS to keep trotting Ken out to these poker tournaments when they could be backing someone much younger, snarkier, and more “hep” to what the kids today are into. Not that we had anyone in mind. We’ll let Babelfish chop Ken’s stuff up rather than getting bitter:

“A little while later I made one of my best plays of the tournament. I raised in middle position with ace-jack and was called by a fairly loose player who had less than half as many chips as me. The flop came two-two-two and we both checked. When a six came on the turn, I thought it was highly unlikely he had called my raise before the flop with either a two or six. I wasn’t sure whether I had the best hand or not, but I was in a position to represent a strong hand (specifically a pocket pair, for a full house) as I had raised before the flop. So I made a pot-sized bet of $48,000 and he folded.

He turned over his cards and showed that he was folding ace-jack. He asked me whether he had folded the best hand. Ordinarily I do not give out any information about folded hands. But he was an emotional player and I thought it might put him on tilt if I showed him my cards, so I turned over my ace-jack.”

Becomes (English to French to English to Spanish to English):

“A small moment I did more ahead one of my better games of the match. I increased of the average position with the have-cat and it called me by a somewhat loose player who less had it half of so many pieces as me. The collapse came two-two-two and both they verified to us. When from seises it came in the winch, I thought that it was not very probable had strongly invited to whom he increased before collapse with both or seises. He was not safe, that had the best hand or no, but it was in the measurement to represent a strong hand (specifically a pair of the pocket, because a full house) since it had increased before collapse. Thus I did a bet pote-classified of $48,000 and rendered.

Turned.over its letters and proved that it doubled the have-cat. It asked to me if it had doubled the best hand. I do not give generally outside any information on the doubled hands. But it was a touching player and I thought that they could put it in the hill thus if I demonstrated my letters to him, I to turned.over my have-cat.”

Babelfish
My $61K Poker Payday [CBS News]
Hand Histories Archive [Oddjack]

We Hate Hand Histories: The Drainage Of The Flesh Color Of The Nut

READ MORE: Hand Histories, Poker, poker bloggers

After a brief hiatus, we’re back with another Babelfish’d hand history. CJ from Up For Poker hit the casino, and has the following lamentation, which just sounds better under a sombrero with a taco:

“Then it’s Big Slick again. I think I should have just folded it pre-flop.

Instead I raise to 20 and get two callers. The flop is 4-2-2, two clubs. I have the nut flush draw. I bet 40 and it’s raised another 100. Is this where I’m supposed to lay it down? Someone tell me. I call. The turn is another 4. We both check. The river is a Q. I check and he pushes for 200. I fold and I’m up just 50 now.

Thinking back, I think he was trying to make me believe he had a 2 on the flop when he really didn’t. He didn’t think I would call. That may mean my AK was good at the river. Maybe good enough for at least a chop. I suppose discretion was the better part of valor?”

Becomes (English to Spanish and back):

“Then it is polished great again. I think that I must as soon as to have dobladolo pre-I fail.

In place I raise to 20 and with himself to two callers. The failure is 4-2-2, two clubs. I have the drainage of the flesh color of the nut. I bet that 40 and it are raised other 100. He is this where suppose to me to put it down? Somebody says to me. I call. The return is other 4. We both check. The river is a Q. Compruebo and it pushes for 200. I double and now I am upon hardly 50.

Thinking behind, I think he tried to cause that he creates it had 2 in the failure when he really did not do it. He did not think that he would call. That can mean that my AK was good in the river. Quite perhaps good for at least one slice. I suppose that discretion was the best part of value?”

Babelfish
Are You F$#%^# Kiddin’ Me?!? [Up For Poker]
Hand Histories Archive [Oddjack]

We Hate Hand Histories: Grinding Kid Poker

READ MORE: Daniel Negreanu, Hand Histories, Poker, poker bloggers

They’re currently filming High Stakes Poker at the Golden Nugget in Vegas, and Daniel Negreanu just can’t not blog about it. Hell, you’d be talking about it too if you got stuck for almost a quarter mill. Anyway, since we hate hand histories, even from Negreanu, we’ll Babelfish the crap out of it:

“Not too much later I called a small raise from the small blind with pocket 33. The flop came Ad 9d 3d and I checked over to Sammy Farha. He bet $17,000, I made it $50,000 and he went all in for close to $100,000.

I called, and Sammy turned over the Kh Qd. The turn came nothing, but once again, the river came a diamond and I lost another monster pot on the river as a huge favorite.”

Becomes (English to Spanish to English to Spanish to English to Italian to English):

“After not too much called a small blind small increase with pocket 33. The lack has come the warning 9d 3d and has verified over to Sammy Farha. It bet $17,000, I have made $50,000 he and has comprised all the arrests close to $100.000.

I have called and Sammy to has turned the Kh Qd. The return has come nothing, but still, the river has come a diamond and has lost other a pote of the monster in the river like the enormous favorite.”

High Stakes Poker: Day One [FullContactPoker]
Babelfish

We Hate Hand Histories: The Cards Hardly Do Not Import

READ MORE: Hand Histories, Poker, poker bloggers

Behold the power of the Jackhammer, or Jack-Four in Hold ‘Em to the uninitiated. It’s a favorite bad hand of ours to play, and CJ from Up For Poker enjoys laying the wood to the ladies with it too:

“Just a few hands later, I take my first shot at Heather. She talks a big game, but she doesn’t scare me. I look down at my favorite hand, the Jackhammer, and throw out my standard raise. Heather calls on the button (which she did to me every damn time!). The flop missed me completely, but, when you’re holding the Jackhammer, cards just don’t matter. I massively overbet the pot and Heather went away. I think I put her on tilt for 49 seconds. At least. And she’s still smarting.”

Becomes (English to Italian to French to English):

“As soon as some hands more successively, I take my first blow with the heather. It talks a large play, but it does not frighten it. I observe into low my favorite hand, jackhammer and throws towards outside my standard increase. The heather it invites the key (which made with me each which cursed time!). Failure it missed it completely, but, when you are held the jackhammer, the cards hardly do not import. In manner it ballaste overbet the POT and the heather it went. I think that it puts it on slope for 49 seconds. At least. And still smarting.”

When Bloggers Collide [Up For Poker]
Babelfish

We Hate Hand Histories: Triple to the Top of the Right-Hand Side Here

READ MORE: Hand Histories, Poker, poker bloggers

We’ve all had that little voice inside our heads that begs us to lay down the best hand because we just can’t take one more bad beat, right? Is it just us? Maybe this sort of indecision sounds better coming from Mean Gene Bromberg, but then again, maybe it sounds better in Pig-French:

“So, do I call and go to war with my ladies? Against a guy who opens with nearly half his stack and another who shoves everything he has? Under normal circumstances this would be an easy yet easy-to-brag-about laydown. Afterwards you breezily tell how you made an incisive read and laid down two queens, hopefully earning the oohs and the ahhs. But this is Party Poker, where the inmates run the asylum. I might have these guys totally crushed. Based on their crazy raises, I probably do have the first guy crushed at least. I could triple up right here. I could boss the table the rest of the way and smash my way to victory.

“I fold.”

Becomes (English to French and Back):

“Thus, I call and will make the war with my injuries? Against a type which opens with almost half of its pile and another which pushes very that it has? In normal circumstances it would however be easy easy-with-praise-with the subject of laydown. After you say with ease that you made read to incisor and fixed two queens, if all is well gaining the oohs and the ahhs. But it is poker of part, where the prisoners run asylum. I could make crush these types completely. Based on their increasing insane, I probably make crush the first type at least. I could triple to the top of the right-hand side here. I could direct the table the remainder in the manner and the crash my manner to the victory.

“I yield.”

Scaredy-Cat [Mean Gene]
Babelfish

We Hate Hand Histories: Only Four Hands Could To Have Me Milkshake

READ MORE: Hand Histories, Poker, poker bloggers

Jason Kirk played in Sunday’s Blogger Championship sponsored by PokerStars, and managed to make the to 10% of the field. Too bad prizes were only divvied up amongst the top 7% or so. Through the wringer his hand history goes:

I was in serious danger of tilting out here - I was more than a little pissed. To make things worse, the blinds went up to 25/50 at this point. About three hands after I took the big beating, I caught TT in the CO. One player in MP limped in, the action was folded around to me, and I considered my options. I had just a touch over 10X the blinds for a single orbit, putting me squarely at the bottom of Harrington’s “Yellow Zone.” If I limped or made a smallish raise I would most likely get a few more callers, which I didn’t want with a pair of tens. If I made a big raise, I’d leave myself crippled if someone decided to call and try to bust me. So, I pushed all-in for T815 total - only 4 hands could possibly have me beaten, so anyone who decided to call would either have to have one of those hands (my bad luck if they did) or be making a mistake for a significant portion of their stack hoping to catch on me. Nobody called, and I picked up the blinds and the MP limper’s bet to boost myself back a little higher in the Yellow Zone.

Becomes (English to Spanish and back):

It was in the serious danger of the inclination towards outside here - it was more than pissed little. To make things worse, the blinds went up to 25/50 to this point. Near three hands after it took I strike great, I took the TT in the CO. A player in P. M. cojeó inside, the action was doubled me around, and considered my options. It had as soon as a tact on 10X the blinds for a single orbit, putting to me in right angle at heart of the yellow zone of Harrington “.” If cojeara or did that smallish raises more likely would obtain some more callers, to than I did not wish with a pair of ten. If it made an increase great, me it would leave disabled if somebody determined one to call to me and to try to burst. Therefore, I pushed everything-in for total T815 - only 4 hands could to have me milkshake, so any person that decided to call would have to have one of those hands (my bad luck if they did it) or to possibly incur a mistake for a significant portion of piled up his that it hoped to take in me. Nobody called, and I took the blinds and the softest bet from P. M. to raise a little behind to me more stop in the yellow zone.

Poker Blogger Tournament Recap [Jason Kirk]
Babelfish

We Hate Hand Histories: It Is Largely Outside Paid To Receive With Quads

READ MORE: Hand Histories, Poker, poker bloggers

The only thing better than flopping quad Aces, as Chris Halverson did, is getting paid off when you flop quad Aces. His account, and our muddled mess of it all:

Then I get dealt American Airlines, Pocket Rockets, the Hand that Shall Never Win, that’s right AA, on the button nonetheless. Unfortunately, it’s folded around but I raise anyway. BB raises me and I decide to play a little coy and just call.

Then I flopped quads.

Luckily, the BB led out and I just smooth called. Ditto on the turn. On the river he led out and I raised him 3x his bet. Surprisingly he called with KK. It’s great getting paid off with quads.

QUADS BEETCHES!!!

Becomes (English to Italian to French to German to Italian to English):

Then I receive American airlines contract, the rockets of the bag, the hand, which will never defeat that it is fair aa on the notice despite. Malheuresement it is over folded, but I rise anyhow. BB decides to just play the pupil and a small call coy and.

Then it flopped quads.

Chancheusement, BB led outside and smoothes hardly of called. Idem on the endorsement. On the river it led outside, and I have it raised 3x its bet. Surprenantement it called with KK. It is largely outside paid to receive with quads.

QUADS OF BEETCHES!!!

2005-10-23 [Chris Halverson]
Babelfish [Babelfish]
We Hate Hand Histories Archive [Oddjack]

We Hate Hand Histories: The Soft Bets Of The Re-Cultivator

READ MORE: Hand Histories, Poker, poker bloggers

StB from Beer City Poker sucks out on a short stack, and we beat the hand history into the ground with Google Translate:

I was in the cutoff with 6 6. Two players limp and I limp as well. The $7 man, of course, raises (think Seinfeld here “Did you ever notice how someone will lose the majority of their stack and raise the very next hand to go all in no matter what they have?). UTG+1, who had limped, now re-raises. Damn, if I taken that schmuck out, I wouldn’t be tossing in 3 bets to see a flop with a pair of 6s.

The flop comes J 9 3. The limp re-raiser bets. I think and call. It seems that every time some limp re-raises, he never has a monster hand. NEVER. I put the clown on A 10 or A 9. Without an A on the board, I think I am ahead, but will see what he does. The turn is a blank. He bets, I call. The river is a beautiful 6. Yeah, I got lucky. But my opponent checks. I bet, he calls and mucks. I check the hand history to find he had A 9 offsuit.

He then goes bezerk in the chat. I rarely pay attention to chat, but every once in a while, I like to toss some fuel on the fire and tilt someone good. I go back and forth with him for a bit until he busts out 10 hands later. I noticed he then went to a 3/6 table. I tried to get on that table but it was full and I waited forever.

Becomes (English to Spanish and back):

It was in the short cut with 6 6. Two players also cojean and soft I. Man $7, of course, increases (he thinks that Seinfeld here “always did warning to him how somebody will lose to majority of piled up his and will raise the very following hand to enter all does not matter what has). UTG+1, that had cojeado, now re-raises. Curse, if I taken that schmuck towards outside, I would not be shaking in 3 bets to consider a failure with a pair of 6s.

The failure comes J 9 3. The soft bets of the re-cultivator. I think and I call. It looks like that whenever some soft one re-raises, it never has a hand of the monster. NEVER. I put clown in A 10 or To 9. Without one To in the board, I think that I am next, but that I will see what he does it. The return is a space in target. He bets, I flame. The river is 6 beautiful ones. Yes, I obtained lucky person. But my checks of the opponent. Good looking, it calls and mucks. I verify the history of the hand to find had it offsuit of A 9.

It then goes bezerk in char it. Quick rarely the attention when char it, but each once in a while, I have taste to shake a little fuel in the fire and to incline to somebody good one. I go forwards and backwards with him for a small piece until it bursts outside 10 hands it advanced more. I noticed that it then went to a table of 3/6. I tried to obtain in that table but she was full and I hoped by always.

Bad read, lucky river [Beer City Poker]
Google Translate
We Hate Hand Histories Archive [Oddjack]

We Hate Hand Histories: The Turn Is 10 Thimbles

READ MORE: Hand Histories, Poker, poker bloggers

What’s a poker blogger without a hand history? We’ll check in at Obie’s VIP today, and mangle ourselves a couple of paragraphs from his home game recap:

Now that I had some chips, I was able to push them around and get people to fold their hands. We got down to two tables and I was thinking, let’s get in the money. Doc pays out 9 places so I could play tight and wait it out till we made the money.

Once I was in the money, I began to play a little more, one hand I had A-8, off-suit, both red, flop comes A-8-9 with two spades. I check, LP bets 3000, I check-raise to 6000, he calls. Turn is 10 spades, I check, he bets 6000, I check-raise to 12,000. He goes in to the tank and thinks a long long time. I never look at him, I stare at the board….after what seemed like 7 or 8 minutes he mucks JQ. Whew, he put me on the flush, and even though he made his straight, he didn’t have a spade so he mucked.

Becomes (English to French to Italian to English):

Hour that I have had some pieces, I could push them around and obligating persons to fold their hands. We are come down to two tables and we I thought, I have left obtain in money. Doc. satisfied the 9 places therefore I could strongly play and to attend it outside until that we have made the money.

Once that I was in money, I have begun to play little more, a hand that I have had A-8, to the far away-custom, the two red one, landslide comes A-8-9 with two thimbles. I verify, LP bets 3000, to verify to 6000, I call. The turn is 10 thimbles, verifies, he bets 6000, I to verify to 12.000. It enters to the tank and it thinks along along time. I never do not observe it, I observe the panel fixedly… after and this has seemed like 7 or 8 minuteren he they mucks JQ. Whew has put it on a dazzle, and although it has made its right, it has not had a thimble therefore he mucked.

Babelfish
The Hat Trick [Obie’s VIP]
We Hate Hand Histories Archive [Oddjack]

We Hate Hand Histories: These Are Not Component Totalities

READ MORE: Hand Histories, Poker, poker bloggers

We saw PokerGeek run through a whole buy-in playing HORSE at the Plaza in Vegas in June, but apparently he’s improved enough since to play in the Full Tilt home game with Phil Gordon. Whatever, we’ll take his latest post and run it into incomprehensibility just for kicks.

Like I said before though, these are not whole components yet. They come and go when the confidence is there, when everything clicks and I am in that rare zone when the cards become secondary to the players and the chipstacks. I played an extra 90 minutes last night because one huge stack at the table had such a huge bullseye on him due to his playing style, I could not forgive myself if I left without doubling up on him.

His style was to check-raise all in for his entire stack if he sensed any bluff weakness at all, so I quickly made like an injured animal when I flopped top set. With a 5 dollar pot in front of me, I bet a dollar. He paused for a minute before check-raising for his entire 216 dollars.

I already had my mouse hovering over the call button. Goodbye, sir.

Becomes (English to Italian to French to Spanish to English):

As I said in any case in the first place, these are not component totalities anchor. They come and they go when discretion is there, when everything skips and is in this rare zone when the cards become secondary to jouers and to chipstacks. I played a supplement 90 minutes the last night because an enormous battery to the picture had thus bull to him enormous due its style of game, I I could not be pardoned if outside without duplicating itself in on on him.

Its style was controll - it elevates very in for his whole battery if bluff of totally perceived any weakness, did quickly like a wounded animal when they flopped the set of the superior part. With POTE goddesses 5 dollars before my, bet a dollar. Élèvation for its 216 whole dollars made a pause for a small letter before controll -.

I already had mine m to rise on the call key. Good bye, sig.

You are Here [PokerGeek]
Babelfish
We Hate Hand Histories Archive [Oddjack]

We Hate Hand Histories: The Failure Has Woven With Three Diamonds

READ MORE: Hand Histories, Poker, poker bloggers

Grubby from Poker Grub has been running cold lately. Real cold. If you can stand one more look at Aces getting cracked, allow us to link up the Grubster, and then run the history through Babelfish:

Then I see AA and groan out loud. I raise $25 because I don’t play around with AA. One person calls, the same person who’s called my raises twice before and has hit on the river. He has 2x my stack.
Flop is rags with three diamonds. I don’t have a diamond. I’m first to bet and protect as much as I can by going all-in for $275. Too aggressive? I would not have made this move had it not been heads-up.
Guy pauses for his entire time clock, and I expect him to fold. It’s a no-disconnect-protect table, so he can’t cheat and disconnect intentionally.
He calls, and I groan again.
Hands aren’t flipped until the end (and even then, just the winner), so no suspense. Just upset stomach.
Turn is a Jack.
C’mon, let’s get it over with.
No diamond, no diamond, no diamond.
River is a diamond.
His cards: 4-4.
With a diamond.
Thanks, Poker Gods.

Becomes (English to Italian to French to Spanish to English):

Then I see AA and gemito outside the summit. I elevate $25 because nongame around with AA. A person denominates, the same person who denominated my increases twice in the first place and affected on the river. My battery has 2x.
The failure has woven with three diamonds. I do not have a diamond. It is first to bet and proteg so as it laid a hardwood floor over in going everything - stops too much in $275. aggressif? They would not have made this movement the had thing was not witnesses - in on.
He there to the type a pause for its whole clock of time and to invite to bend. There is a picture of aucun-stacc-protection, it cannot swindle intentionally and transfer.
It denominates and gemo anchor.
The hands are not sent until the extremity (and even then, as soon as the victorious one), thus no condition. Stomach upset exactly.
Returns are a Cat.
There my, it left them obtains it on with.
No diamond, no diamond, no diamond.
The river is a diamond.
Its cards: 4-4.
With a diamond.
Thanks, Dii of the Club.

Babelfish
End of the Road [PokerGrub]
We Hate Hand Histories Archive [Oddjack]

We Hate Hand Histories: I Have Thrown A Cat…

READ MORE: Hand Histories, Poker, poker bloggers

A hand history from Eva Can Hang, via Babelfish:

The new additions included a guy who was pretty easy to read. Whenever he had a middle to low pair, he’d overbet to take the pot. He happened to do that while I held AQs. Blinds were 4/8 getting ready to go up and I needed to make a move. I knew he had a middle pair - I called. It turned out to be pocket 10s. It was a classic race. I flopped a jack, but there were 3 hearts on the board. Of course, I was suited in diamonds. The turn brought another heart and I was done - one of his tens were hearts. I still think I made the right call, which is a change since I usually beat myself up over how I go out.

Becomes (English to Spanish to French to Italian to English):

The added new have included to individual that was enough easy to read. Provided that it has a center to the pair under, overbet would take pote. It has succeduto to make that while I have supported to AQs. Blinds it was 4/8 that obtained loan to go for in top and has had need to make a movement. It knew that it had one medium pair - I have called. It has turned out that to be the pocket 10s. classic race was one. I have thrown a cat, but there were 3 hearts in the panel. Obviously, they have satisfied it in diamonds. The return has carried an other heart and they have made it - one of its ten was hearts. Task still that it has rendered the appeal straight, that it is a change since I strike myself generally for in high surplus as I exit.

We strike ourselves for in high surplus all the time, we just don’t tell the world about it.

Babelfish
The site was down, I swear… [Eva Can Hang]