Happy National (Responsible) Gambling Week!

READ MORE: A's, Baseball, Gambling, Horse Racing, Jason Giambi, Johan Santana, Reader Mail, Yankees

If you’re not a child of the 80s like we are, you probably don’t remember the insanity that was the jelly bracelet fad. Boys, girls, hipsters - everyone had a wrist full of these things. Throw on a neon T-shirt and dump half a bottle of Dep on your head, and maybe you too could join Wham.

As a public service announcement, we’d like to inform middle-America that despite having a rubber bracelet that’s thicker than a jelly, it’s still a rubber bracelet, and you look as ridiculous as Andrew Ridgeley. Not only that, but we’re growing really freaking weary of bracelets and magnetic ribbons being used and abused by every marginal group of lunatics who want to shove their cause in your face.

Yes, we’re irked. But we’ll save the rest for after the jump…

WE WEAR THIS RIBBON IN HONOR OF ALL THE PEOPLE MAKING BRACELETS WORLDWIDE.

Sadly, they’ve gotten to the gambling folk as well with the rubber bracelet thing. No, they’re not meant to be good luck. Hell, if Lance “Nut Cancer” Armstrong is the guy who started the whole stupid craze, then how lucky could these things really be? He had nut cancer. No, they’re meant to show support for responsible gambling. Because it is Responsible Gambling Week.

We’d like to offer our own hints and tips to help you get the most out of Responsible Gambling Week. First, don’t ever wear an item of clothing or jewelry that cost less than a taco to make, but cost more than a quesadilla to buy. That’s rule #1, but that doesn’t just pertain to gaming. How about something a little more helpful?

· Under no circumstances should you bet against Johan Santana. Despite dropping a decision last night, he’s still spitting flames, and is getting ready to take the dual frustrations of his team’s woeful inadequacies and the lack of good South American cuisine in the Twin Cities out on AL batters.
· Don’t put money down that Tom Cruise will split with Katie Holmes. No, he’s probably still never seen Joey’s Potters (take that Mr. Skin!), but rumor has it she’s under contract until 2007. We don’t really believe Tom’s gay though. We think it’s far more insidious - think lawn jockeys.
· Speaking of jockeys, you’re insane if you put money on anyone other than John Velasquez’s mounts in the big races at Saratoga. Dude went under the wire first in four stakes races this weekend, and is kicking the shit out of legends like Jerry Bailey at the Spa.
· This should be obvious right now, but under no circumstances should you put money against the A’s or the Yankees. Jason Giambi somehow found the Fountain of Cream again (14 HR in July), and the A’s have been torching opponents since the kids were still in school. Don’t be the guy thinking he’s going to sell at the peak - you’re usually wrong about such things anyway.
· Don’t bet on hurricanes. That’s just mean.

We want to know what your invariable gambling truisms are. Tell us who you won’t ever bet on - or against. Tell us where you find your best value. Do the Cubs never lose on Wednesdays against Milwaukee? Can you count on a Jets cover against the Bills, but only in November matchups at the Meadowlands? Send them in at tips@oddjack.com, we’ll print our ten favorite.

And gamble responsibly. No Keno. Not even while you’re grazing the Bellagio buffet.

Industry hopes to take stigma from gambling [Norwich Bulletin]

MLB Betting: August is Johan Santana’s Bitch

READ MORE: Johan Santana, MLB Betting

Minnesota Twins’ starting pitcher Johan Santana rules August with a bloody vengeance and should become a bettors best friend once the ads for back to school shopping roll around. Santana has 17 wins and just three losses during the month in his career and would completely keep all your children in spanking new duds and your baby’s momma in Chanel. Tonight, Santana faces the surging Oakland A’s and is a -169 favorite to win. Covers breaks down Santana season the way Covers always does.

The Money Month: Santana Sizzles in August [Covers]