Chopping Lines: No More Hurricane Sadness

READ MORE: Atlanta Falcons, Chopping Lines, NFL Betting, New Orleans Saints

Sunday, 1 p.m.

New Orleans Saints (2-2)

Best Line: SAINTS +6, ATL -4.5

Poor America’s team. Once it appeared that the ??? Saints would somehow overcompensate for the fact that they’re not very good by playing for Hurricane Katrina victims after an emotional week one victory over Carolina. Then they got humiliated on Monday Night Football agains the Giants. Then the lost their best player in Deuce McAllister last week when they got trounced by the Packers 52-3. No Hurricane can save them now. The Falcons have decimated defense, but the return of Ron Mexico this weekend can only mean better things for the Falcons even if he can’t move the offense as well as shlubby-looking Matt Schaub. That’s all it’ll take to beat the Saints, really. That and having their Superdome used as a batting cage for God.

PICK!: ATL -4.5

Fantasy Football: Hurricane Katrina Claims Another Victim

READ MORE: Deuce McAllister, Fantasy Football, New Orleans Saints, Tristan Cockroft

Oh, how we hate doing these stories. New Orleans Saints’ running back Deuce McAllister’s torn ACL has put him on the waiver wire for the season and completely ruined the seasons for many fantasy football owners nationwide. Yeah, Antowain Smith? Tremendous. Aaron Stecker? Yay. And ESPN Insider’s filthy-named columnist Tristan Cockroft goes even a step further and pretty much tells us that anybody having a New Orleans offensive player in their lineup should pretty much start writing the check now:

A quick look back at some of the most significant season-ending injuries to top-10 fantasy running backs over the past decade indicates we should be worried:

Edgerrin James, 2001: His knee injury in Week 7 caused the Colts to go 3-7 in their final 10 games, averaging four fewer points per contest with Dominic Rhodes as the starter than with James. Peyton Manning, meanwhile, had his worst non-rookie season. In six games with James around, he completed 66.9 percent of his passes and averaged 270.8 yards and 2.0 TDs; in his next 10, those numbers slipped to 61.3, 250.6 and 1.4.

Jamal Lewis, 2001: His season-ending knee injury happened in the preseason, but the impact on Elvis Grbac was readily apparent. His completion percentage slipped from 59.6 to 56.7, his passing yards per game from 277.6 to 216.6, his touchdown total dropped by 13 and he threw four more interceptions.

Oh, and there’s more, don’t worry. For more grim news, steal somebody’s account number and log onto ESPN Insider.

The Big Not-So-Easy [ESPN Insider(sub.req.)]

Chopping Lines: Everybody’s a Saints Fan Except Us

READ MORE: Chopping Lines, NFL Betting, New Orleans Saints, New York Giants

7:30 p.m.

New York Giants (1-0)

“AT”

New Orleans Saints (1-0)

Best Line: SAINTS +3.5, GIANTS -3

Sheesh. This is awful. How do you go about picking a game like this? On one hand you’ve got the feel good New Orleans Saints and all of their water-logged fans and then you’ve got the, well, Saints: Masters of inconsistency even though ridiculously talented at many of their positions. Then you have a New York Giants team which may be a little bit better than last year, but not as much as their blowout victory over Arizona last week showed us. However, the whole game depends on McAllister and how Haslett plans to use him. (We know, brave statement.) It’s doubly important tonight just because Aaron Brooks, once pressured, is just dead-stink awful. If the Giants establish pressure early then it’ll come down to whether or not Brooks can keep his composure, actually take a few hits and get the ball downfield. The Giants offense looks to be running a little more efficiently and Eli Manning appears to be getting more and more comfortable out there each time he plays. Lots of Plax in the red zone with Shockey hobbled. So, we’re sorry Katrina victims, we just think the Giants win this one outright. But just think of all the money that’ll be donated!

PICK!: GIANTS -3

Chopping Lines: Mean Machine Invades Bourbon Street

READ MORE: Baltimore Ravens, Chopping Lines, NFL Betting, New Orleans Saints, The Venetian

(Guest selection from The Venetian)

Baltimore Ravens (0-2-0)

Best Line: New Orleans -1

Brian Billick appears to enjoy challenges. The man once considered an offensive guru has seen fit to pair his world-class defenses with quarterbacks that would define mediocrity. Once again, the coach is trying to get us on board the Kyle Boller train, but tickets are definitely available. On the other hand, Boller’s primary duties this season will once again be handing the ball off to Jamal Lewis and driving him to his parole officer, so maybe his Dilfer-esque skills will suffice.

Just as Billick has appeared to lose all sense of offense after taking over a head coaching job, Jim Haslett appears to have forgotten how to coach defense down in Cajunland. Couple that with the enigmatic offense, an immensely talented group that shoots itself in the foot far too often, and you have the recipe for a coach on the hot seat. Aaron Brooks is in year five of the “if he can only cut down on the interceptions, we’ll have ourselves a QB” experiment, Deuce McAllister is running behind a revamped O-line, and Joe Horn is, well, Joe Horn. The talent is there, but it’s been there before and it hasn’t mattered. There is no good reason this team should not win the NFC South. Of course, don’t quote us on that when they finish 8-8.

Watching the Saints offense against the Ravens defense should keep you glued to the seat. Watching the Ravens offense against the Saints defense will make you wish you’d used Elmer’s instead of Super Glue. Who to take? Call Adrian McPherson’s bookie first to be sure, but we like the Saints.

Venetian PICK!: Saints

Chopping Lines: Drop a Deuce on the Saints

READ MORE: A.J. Benza, Chopping Lines, NFL Betting, New England Patriots, New Orleans Saints

8 p.m.

New Orleans Saints +3

at

New England Patriots

Best Line: Saints +4, Patriots -3

This one goes out to the whores who love numbers! And I’m sure I’m repeating what you geeks already worship while you lay in bed and hold up The Gold Sheet with one hand. During their unprecedented two-year run, the New England Patriots are 34-4 overall. They are 27-9-2 vs. the number. They’re 21-8-1 as favorites. And 15-3-1 vs. the number at home. What a long, wicked pissa it’s been. But don’t expect those trends to continue now that Bill Belichick’s genius coordinators, Charlie Weis and Romeo Crennel, are gone. Don’t expect their defense to be nearly as tough with All-Pro cornerback Ty Law now on the rival Jets and linebacker Teddy Bruschi sitting out the season with severe Bell’s Palsy. And, if you like 80’s football, you might see plenty of it tonight with the distinct possibility of 51-year-old Doug Flutie taking more snaps than golden boy Tom Brady, who is still hampered by a “tired arm,” an injury caused by his stopping every Hollywood director from trying to bang his girlfriend, Bridget Moynihan.

On to the underachieving Saints side of things. A lot has happened since the management banned food and cell phones in their locker room. The Saints won their last four games of the year last season when coach Jim Haslett went to his Drop-A-Deuce offense. He wised up and used Deuce McAllister as a battering ram behind a line that loves to run-block. (I know it’s a shitty job, but they like it, so - shhh! - nobody tell them otherwise.) The mastadons in front of Deuce average 6-3, 319 pounds. With power running like that, the Saints might be able to control the ball a bit more and keep their defense from getting dead tired. And with the Pats’ offensive weapons a bit blunted, the Saints could sneak in for a squeaker win or a tight loss. Either way. We’re not picky.

Oh yeah, here’s one more little ditty for you numbers whores. Lost in all the blowjob accolades for Belichick is this important truth: The Pats are only 13-7-1against the number in the pre-season. In other words, they only care half the time. Take the points.

BENZAPICK!: Saints +3
(YTD PRE 0-1)

Haslett Trying to Kill Starters Before Opening Game

READ MORE: Jim Haslett, NFL Betting, New England Patriots, New Orleans Saints

The news out of New Orleans is that always-on-the-chopping block coach Jim Haslett will play his starters for three quarters for Thursday night’s game against the Patriots. So, now the once underdog Saints are favorites as we will see Saints’ quarterback Aaron Brooks most likely picking a part a defense consisting of undrafted free agents thoroughly befuddled by New England coach Bill Belichick’s defensive schemes. Right now, the Saints are favored by 3-3.5 points on Thursday. That line will change, most likely, in an effort for the bookies to get more action on the Pats. Keep yer eyes open…

Coach’s Decision Gives Edge to Underdog Saints [Covers]
Starters Looking for Redemption in Next Preseason Outing [AP]
Previously: The Least Fun Thing to Do in New Orleans is Watch Football [Oddjack]

NFL Betting: The Least Fun Thing to Do in New Orleans is Watch Football

READ MORE: Futures, Jim Haslett, NFL Betting, New Orleans Saints, Props

The New Orleans Saints are once again destined for mediocrity sprinkled with moments of greatness in 2005. Although loaded with offensive talent, the Saints suspect defense and inconsistency make them once again a team not likely to make the playoffs or win more than 8 games. The win total for the Saints this year is 7.5 and they have 55-1 odds to win the Super Bowl this year, however, Covers Stephen Noyer says both those lines are ones that should be completely ignored by bettors this year. Instead, they should focus on the fate of Saints head coach Jim Haslett. Haslett is listed by Canbet as 5-1 to be the first NFC coach fired, which may be a blessing for the beleaguered former defensive coordinator. Dude looks like he just needs to get away from this horrible franchise and start over.

NFL Season Preview: New Orleans Saints 2005 First NFC Coach to Be Fired or Resign [Canbet]