NFL Betting: Our Tuesday Morning Misery
READ MORE: American Gambling News, Atlanta Falcons, NFL Betting, New York Jets
One e-mail from a reader sums up last night’s loss quite aptly:
Subject: How do these fucks contrive to not cover the 8 1/2?
Great question. We don’t know what it means, exactly, but great question nonetheless. Especially when Michael Vick manages to throw three picks and go 11-of-26 for 116 yards with only three completions to wideouts. His passer rating was an atrocious 16.3. 16.3.
Yet, the Jets lost the cover thanks to Testaverde’s ineptitude and all those turnovers. Testaverde’s three fumbles in the first 17 minutes pretty much spotted the Falcons 17 points. So, that’s what we get for buying into our misguided theory not to bet against the Jets on Monday Night Football. Never again. Not this season, at least. And yes, we’ll be good sports about this. Our cantankerous friend over at American Gambling News has a nice little scoreboard displaying our dorktastic head-to-head NFL pick ‘em drinking challenge this year:
There’s still time. We’re not shopping for a case of Iron City just yet.
Chopping Lines: Herm Edwards’ Game Face of God
READ MORE: Atlanta Falcons, Chopping Lines, NFL Betting, New York Jets
Mon. 9 p.m.
NY Jets (2-4)
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Atlanta Falcons (4-2)
This a game of injuries as the Atlanta Falcons’ banged up defensive line finally adjusts itself and looks to stack-up a surging Curtis Martin and the Jets are looking for, well, something. Seriously, this is one of the most boring Monday match-ups ever, regardless of how exciting Michael Vick is. Atlanta’s a horrible place to watch a football game on television as you’re stuck waiting for Michael Vick to do somethig spectacular between the echoing noise.(We’re convinced they just made the stadium as acoustically tricky as possible because of the low fanbase numbers for so long. Now that it’s packed, well, it’s like a wind-tunnel in there.)If he doesn’t, well, you have Warrick Dunn dancing around going nowhere and Alge Crumpler running 7-yard-out patterns and running over defensive backs. Fun. And the Jets are just as bad. Sure Martin’s little flurry last weekend was mildly amusing, but seriously, the man’s got not much left in the tank and is not going to put up these numbers every weekend. But, bad d-line versus surging running back seems to be a nice match-up for anybody, but we still don’t think Martin will be much of a factor—especially with Jets’center Kevin Mawae out for the season. However, we do like the Jets with points on Monday nights. We’ll take that generous 9 and pray for a low-scoring game.
PICK!: NYJ +9
Fantasy Football: Testaverde Back, Cockroft Cursing Himself
READ MORE: Chad Pennington, Fantasy Football, New York Jets, Vinny Testaverde
Speak softly dear fantasy gurus for if you speak too loudly you shall be delivered…a Testaverde. Such is the case of ESPN’s fantasy wonk Tristan Cockroft, who in his column today about the ramifications of a banged up Chad Pennington on the New York Jets’ offense brought out his inner soothsayer:
Regardless who gets the ball — Bollinger, Johnson, O’Donnell, where’s Vinny Testaverde when you need him? — the injuries will have a most adverse effect on the rest of the Jets’ offense.
And so it goes. Vinny Testaverde, 84-year-old quarterback was taken off the fishing docks and placed in control of the offense he once brought to post-season glory in the late 90’s. Pity the poor teams that have to choose between Testaverde and Joey Harrington for the rest of the season. (Ahem, us.)
Jets Grounded [ESPNInsider (sub. req.)]
Pennington Out for Season, Vinny Signed [Yahoo Sports]
NFL Betting: Jets Rendered “Unbettable” After Loss, Drama
READ MORE: Miami Dolphins, NFL Betting, New York Jets
This is something that could only happen to the New York Jets. It seems every year they’re either poised for greatness or a major collapse. This year is appearing to be the latter, as after last week’s 27-7 trouncing by the Kansas City Chiefs, Covers’ experts are alerting bettors to stay as far away from the Jets as humanly possible until the team gets its myriad issues worked out. But this weekend’s match-up against the rival Miami Dolphins has them at early 6 point favorites. Yet, still stay away:
“I would like to be anti-Jets,” says (Covers’ expert Dave)Malinsky, “but I don’t think this is a bettable game.“The problem becomes a line value standpoint - if they had played this game in the opener, the line would have probably been around eight, or even higher. The Dolphins could have lost by six or seven and covered. As a result of the team’s performances last week, two key numbers have been taken away – the six and the seven.
Jets Soap Opera Renders Them Unbettable [Covers]
Miami at New York Jets [Covers]
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Chopping Lines: Eagle-Eyed Cherry Picking
READ MORE: A.J. Benza, Chopping Lines, NFL Pre-Season Betting, New York Jets, Philadelphia Eagles
8 p.m.
NY Jets (2-1)
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Philadelphia Eagles (2-1)
Best Line: PHL -2.5, NYJ +3
Once there was a day when NY Jets fans looked upon QB Chad Pennington as the Great White Hope. Now he looks like another cracker in my soup. “Sad” Pennington’s performance against his crossdown rival NY Giants last week was haarible. One of these days, during one of these games, somebody on the team has to own to the fact that the best pieces to “Sad’s” throwing arm might have left on that operating table so many months ago. But it ain’t all his fault. His offensive line has given up 11 sacks this pre-season, and if that keeps up “Sad” could eat the dirt in access of 30 times this regular season. In addition, the almighty Curtis Martin is a year older and more banged up. So the Jets’ offense is going to have to get very creative when it’s time to step up and beat the NFL’s elite teams.But asking them to beat the powerful Philadelphia Eagles A.) On their home turf; and B.) With Terrell Owens doing his thing as only he can do it; might be asking them to do the impossible.If the Eagles have already cut through the controversey of two weeks ago and re-mixed their tainted chemistry in so short a time, expect them to cut through the Jets defense and remind us of their NFL elite status in the span of tonight’s four quarters.
BENZAPICK!: PHL -2 1/2
YTD 7-3
Chopping Lines: Elizabeth Hasselbeck Gets the Call
READ MORE: A.J. Benza, Chopping Lines, NFL Betting, New York Giants, New York Jets
8 p.m.
New York Jets (2-0-0)
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New York Giants (1-1-0)
Best Line: NY GIANTS +7, NY JETS -6.5
If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a thousand times: Don’t act all gay on me about taking the New York Jets this pre-season when the number if frightful and the amount of playing time for Chad Pennington and his ripped up shoulder is doubtful. Why? Because, as I proved to you the last time, the Jets scored a very wiley and competent gun-slinging back-up in Jay Fiedler. So whenever Herm Edwards decides Chad’s boo-boo needs some rest time, the Jets could still have a field day with Fiedler - New York’s first Jewish quarterback since Y.A. Tittle. (I’m not sure if Tittle was a Jew, but he had that look.).
Only adding to the fun here is the Giants sitting down the precious Eli Manning with a boo-boo of his own on his (GAY!) non-throwing elbow. That means the duty of keeping the Jints close falls squarely on the untested shoulders of Tim Hasselbeck. Ouch! If it were his more famous brother, Matt, than the pick here would be the Giants. And if Tim’s hot wife, Elizabeth (co-host on “The View”) were here with me right now, the pick would be a hot tub and a porno and to hell with handicapping. Anyhow, look for Jets starters to play a bit more than the first half. That ought to be when Fiedler comes in and begins the lead the Jets by Big Blue. The take here is JETS -6 1/2. Stop me now before I also take the over on the total too.
BENZAPICK: JETS -6 1/2
(YTD 6-2)
Chopping Lines: Pray that Pennington’s Shoulder Doesn’t Fall Off
READ MORE: A.J. Benza, Chopping Lines, Minnesota Vikings, NFL Betting, New York Jets
7:30 p.m.
Minnesota Vikings (1-0-0)
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New York Jets (1-0-0)
Best Line: Jets -1, Vikings +2
New York Jets fans need to stop crying about quarterback Chad Pennington’s throwing arm. Somewhere through their tears they need to see the comforting vision of back-up Jay Fiedler hopping onto the field and competently taking over. And, maybe just maybe, actually making the Jets his team to lead. I’m not wishing further injuries on the brittle Pennington - who’s now wearing a Life Alert necklace - but come the day he has fallen and can’t get up, Fiedler’s athleticism, intelligence and experience make him a solid backup. And that’s important because the Jets new coordinator, Mike Heimerdinger, is looking to (friggin’ finally!) open up the offense and take more vertical shots in the passing game. On the running side, look for Curtis Martin to, once again, step on Father Time’s nutsack and chew up at least 1,000 yards for the 11th consecutive season. Adding Ty Law to the defensive mix doesn’t hurt either. A nice nugget to tuck away is that the Jets are 11-6 vs. the number in the pre-season and, even more important, 3-1 after a straight-up loss.
Meanwhile, the marathon daisy chain that leads straight to the weiner of Minnesota Viking head coach Mike Tice has to be snipped right here. You either have to get to the Super Bowl or sell Super Bowl tickets on the side. You can’t do both, Mikey. The absense of Randy Moss leaves a hole in this team bigger than my bald spot under a Kleig light. And - my insiders tell me Tice’s new offensive scheme means having Daunte Culpepper throw fewer passes in order to establish a better running game. Whatever. Way to waste an atomic arm. Tice’s nonchalance in the pre-season and the Jets playing at home add up to the Jets winning by a TD or so.
BENZAPICK!: Jets -1
(YTD 1-1)
Chopping Lines: Run With the Lions Released From Their Cages
READ MORE: Chopping Lines, Detroit Lions, NFL Pre-Season Betting, New York Jets
7 p.m.
at
Best Line: Detroit +3,
NYJ -2.5, o/u 37
It’s officially opening weekend of preseason NFL football, and Jets fans have a lot to be excited about. Their top draft pick this year was a kicker, they return a wide receiver that left them for another team a couple years ago, their golden boy QB has a bum shoulder, and Jeremy Shockey kicked their ass in a recent scrimmage skirmish. Okay, so maybe they don’t have a lot to look forward to.
Friday night brings a young and hungry Lions squad to Giants Stadium, eager to put (roughly) eighty-two years of futility behind them. Despite three lackluster years at the helm, we believe the Joey Harrington era starts now. This team is underrated in its potential, having been decimated by injuries in the recent past. For once, all the skill position talent is healthy, which removes both the limitations and the excuses Harrington has faced in his tenure behind center.
Preseason, though, is not about the starters - it’s about the backups. Jeff Garcia steps in after the first quarter, and will probably get a little time with the first team receivers. At bare minimum, he’ll have the very capable Shawn Bryson behind him, and the Kevin Johnson/Mike Williams tandem on the outside. This alone gives us reason to eye the Lions as a good pick, but toss in the Jets’ second string (Bollinger/Blaylock/Cotchery/Chrebet), and we’re thinking a shootout is going to be in order. Since it is the largely unpredictable preseason, you can take this logic straight to your bookie or forget we ever had this conversation. Either way, we’re just tuning up for week one our own damn selves. Game on.
PICK!: Detroit +3, OVER
Handicapper: Jets Should Get Used to Crushing Disappointment
READ MORE: Football, NFL Futures, New York Jets, Sports Betting
Even though they had a remarkable playoff run that would’ve gone further had kicker Doug Brien not grown a vagina on consecutive game-winning field goal attempts against the Pittsburgh Steelers in the last year’s playoffs. However, this year, Covers expert Stephen Nover doesn’t see the Jets coming any where close to last year’s fluke success and advises bettors to seriously reconsider throwing money on the Jets to win more than nine wins. With quarterback Chad Pennington’s inconsistency, a decimated defense, and an older Curtis Martin at running back, there just doesn’t seem to be much upside. How long until the Kotite masks come out?
NFL Preview: New York Jets [Covers]
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