NFL Futures Betting: T.O.’s Next Reckless Steps

READ MORE: NFL Futures, Philadelphia Eagles, Terrell Owens

Great game last night! Wooh. Stunning, really. It’s 1999 all over again in Iggles Country. Our Doug Pedersen jersey is being ironed as we speak.

Okay, enough whining. The only thing we did get right about last night’s game was the predictability of Philadelphia’s anti-Terrell Owens fervor. Old #81 jerseys defiled and desecrated, the patented “T.O. Who?” signs, and the unflagging support for Donovan McNabb, which was very inspiring until he threw the soul-crushing interception that should ultimately ruin the Eagles’ season. Anyway, enough about the Eagles team—let’s refocus attention back to T.O. Because, as sad as it is, that’s the only thing interesting about the 2005 Philadelphia Eagles. Betmaker has set ridiculous odds on what will be the next move for Terrell Owens:

THE EAGLES FORGIVE T.O. AND BRING HIM BACK TO HELP SALVAGE THEIR DISAPPOINTING SEASON +400

THE EAGLES FOLD TO THE NFLPA`SPRESSURE AND CUT T.O. WHO THEN SIGNS ANDPLAY WITH A DIFFERENT MASOCHISTIC TEAM +300

T.O. TAKES A COMMENTATOR POSITION WITH FOX, AND SPENDS SUNDAYS DISCUSSING HIS FAVORITE FOOTBALL TOPICS: HIMSELF, AND THE GODLIKE BRETT FAVRE +1200

T.O. BECOMES THE NEXT FOOTBALL PLAYER TO BE A CONTESTANT ON SURVIVOR +1000

T.O. FALLS OFF THE MAP, ONLY TO RESUSCITATE HIS CAREER WITH AN APPEARANCE ON THE SURREAL LIFE, AND A SUBSEQUENT SPIN-OFF
T.O. USES HIS CONNECTION WITH NICOLETTE SHERIDAN TO LAND A ROLE AS ONE OF CARLOS’ PRISON BUDDIES ON DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES -1000

NONE OF THE ABOVE -350

Terrell Owens Next Career Move [Betmaker]

NFL Futures Betting: Clinton Portis’ Sock Problem

READ MORE: Clinton Portis, NFL Betting, NFL Futures, Washington Redskins

Washington Redskins’ split-personality running back Clinton Portis weekly press conference and personal style has resulted in its own line. BetMaker has props on what kind of unique uniform adjustment Portis will make this week, even though he’s already been fined by the NFL for his barber poll socks.:

WHAT WILL BE THE NEXT MISMATCHED PERSONALIZATION CLINTON PORTIS WILL MAKE TO HIS UNIFORM

WEAR 1 BLACK SHOE AND 1 WHITE SHOE +400
WEAR 1 BURGUNDY SOCK AND 1 STRIPE SOCK(AGAIN) EV
WEAR 1 BURGUNDY SOCK AND 1 YELLOW SOCK +500
WEAR REDSKINS ON FRONT OF JERSEY A LA MARK BRUNELL +300
WEAR A BELT BUCKLE WITH REDSKINS INDIAN LOGO +350
NONE OF THE ABOVE -350

Clinton Portis Line [BetMaker]

NFL Futures: Texans Future…Not So Bright

READ MORE: First Round Draft Picks, Houston Texans, NFL Betting, NFL Futures

Remember a couple of years ago when the Texans were supposed to be an up-and-coming team on the brink of the playoffs? Seems like that was ages ago. Well, now, they’re 0-4, Dom Capers is about to lose his job, and there is no foreseeable help on the way. But there might be…next year. BetUS released its odds on NFL teams most likely to get the number one draft pick come April and the Houston Texans top the list at 2/1. Second favorites are Brian Billick’s loathsome Baltimore Ravens at 5/1 and Norv Turner’s Oakland Raiders are also at 5/1. The Indianapolis Colts have huge odds at 500/1 and appear to the safest from having to get into the Matt Leinart/Reggie Bush lottery. Read the full list after the jump.

NFL Futures [BetUS(reg.req.)]
Texans Stumble to Only Winless Record [SignOnSandiego]

New England Patriots

125 to 1

Philadelphia Eagles

125 to 1

Indianapolis Colts

500 to 1

Baltimore Ravens

5 to 1

Buffalo Bills

40 to 1

Arizona Cardinals

8 to 1

Atlanta Falcons

125 to 1

Cincinnati Bengals

200 to 1

Carolina Panthers

125 to 1

Cleveland Browns

40 to 1

Denver Broncos

200 to 1

Chicago Bears

10 to 1

Dallas Cowboys

125 to 1

Houston Texans

2 to 1

Detroit Lions

60 to 1

Green Bay Packers

8 to 1

Jacksonville Jaguars

125 to 1

Minnesota Vikings

10 to 1

Kansas City Chiefs

60 to 1

New Orleans Saints

40 to 1

Miami Dolphins

60 to 1

New York Giants

150 to 1

New York Jets

40 to 1

San Francisco 49ers

8 to 1

Oakland Raiders

5 to 1

Seattle Seahawks

125 to 1

Pittsburgh Steelers

150 to 1

St. Louis Rams

40 to 1

San Diego Chargers

40 to 1

Tampa Bay Buccaneers

200 to 1

Tennessee Titans

40 to 1

Washington Redskins

150 to 1

NFL Betting: Colts New Favorite Despite Iffy Performance Against Jags

READ MORE: Indianapolis Colts, NFL Betting, NFL Futures, Super Bowl

The latest Super Bowl lines had another shift over the weekend as the Indianapolis Colts reclaimed the top spot even after an offensively flaccid performance against the Jacksonville Jaguars on Sunday. The Colts are 4/1 favorites to win it all this year thanks in part to a revamped defense and both the New England Patriots and Philadelphia Eagles limping a little out of the gates. Yet, the Colts are hard to take at these odds considering some of their dismal performances in the playoffs the last couple years and their inability to topple the Patriots. The Pats are still 13/2 and Eagles 7/1, respectively to win the Super Bowl.

Super Bowl XL Betting Odds: Indianapolis Colts [Readabet]

NFL Futures: Katrina Kills Thousands, But Saves Haslett

READ MORE: Dennis Green, Head Coaches, Jim Haslett, Mike Martz, Mike Tice, NFL Futures

At the beginning of the NFL season, many bookmakers saw great payoff potential in New Orleans Saints’ head coach Jim Haslett being the first coach to get canned in this 2005 season at 5/1. But now Haslett has become the head coach of “America’s Team” and unless owner Tom TK is the cruelest man to ever walk the face of the earth his job is safe. However, things are not so good in Arizona and St. Louis. Even though Martz won this weekend against the Arizona Cardinals, there’s plenty of thoughts that if Martz continues his foggy-headed coaching and costs the team anymore games he could be the first to go. And with Dennis Green talking big when he first arrived and still not exactly tearing up the very weak NFC West, the thoughts are his very expensive tenure could also be cut short. And then, of course, there’s the Seattle Seahawks’ Mike Holmgren who has yet to guide his Seahawks to a playoff win. He could be one losing streak away from getting the booting, as does the pencil-eating giant, the Minnesota Vikings’ Mike Tice, who, um looks like he’s headed for a long season. And then there’s Dave Wannstedt, who even though is coaching at the University of Pittsburgh, will probably still get fired from some NFL team before the season’s over on general principle alone.

Which NFL Coach Will be Fired First? [Covers]
First Coach to be Fired NFC [BetTheNet]
Coach to be Fired or resign AFC [BetTheNet]

Nomo Momo: What’s Next For Maurice Clarett?

READ MORE: Maurice Clarett, NFL Futures, Proposition Betting

In case you’ve missed it, Maurice Clarett has been cut by the Denver Broncos. Since the kid couldn’t even pass Ron Dayne on the depth chart, this was inevitable.

You know what else was coming? An oddsline as to what’s next for Mo. After the jump, we’ve culled together the possibilities. Click on in…

WE KNOW OLANDIS GARY, AND MAURICE, YOU’RE NO OLANDIS GARY

So what happens next for Maurice? He’s 20 years old, unemployed, and a college dropout.

· Signs immediately with the Raiders as another locker room cancer/reclaimation project - 1/9
· Signs on with Bush Administration, does series of public service announcements titled, “See, this is what happens when you cross the Government.” - 5/1
· Shows up on doorsteps of various Ohio State boosters, wonders if he can wax their cars in exchange for another $1k handshake - 6/5
· Has autobiography ghost written, sells in volume somewhere between Keyshawn Johnson and Jose Canseco - 8/1
· Goes back to school with intention of earning degree in “General Education” - 4/1
· Goes back to school, actually earns degree - 9/1
· Goes back to school, earns degree, gives commencement address - 25/1
· Goes back to school, earns degree, gives commencement address, develops cure for athlete’s foot - 500/1

Many former athletes leave the playing field and use their fame to propel them in sales careers. In which industry might Maurice land?

· Insurance - 8/5
· Auto Sales - 7/2
· “Instant Throwback” #20 jerseys - 3/1
· Fruit at stoplights in the greater Columbus, OH area - 7/1

How about the immediate future? What’s up for his next couple of weeks?

· Catches on with Raiders, makes opening day roster - 3/5
· Catches on with Raiders, makes opening day roster, tells local media coaches are morons for not slotting him in front of Huggy Bear’s kid - 5/1
· Doesn’t catch on with any team by opening day - 3/1
· Doesn’t catch on with any team by opening day, spends hours breaking single season rushing record with his digital self on the Patriots, usurping the job from virtual Corey Dillon - OFF
· Is contacted by VH1’s Surreal Life to move into beach house with 80s musician Falco and Lisa Turtle from Saved By The Bell - 15/1
· Plenty of weeping, soul searching, and over-rationalization - 1/1

No Mo: Clarett’s NFL career over before it starts? [USA Today]
Shanahan Explains Why Clarett Left Broncos [San Francisco Chronicle]

NFL Futures: T.O.’s Mouth Moves Line

READ MORE: Indianapolis Colts, NFL Futures, New England Patriots, Philadelphia Eagles

The Philadelphia Eagles sat atop Sportsbook.com’s favorite list for the Super Bowl at 6/1, same with the New England Patriots. Then disgruntled wide receiver Terrell Owens decided the best way to encourage contract negotiations with the Eagles was to lose his mind, take off his shirt, and begin doing sit-ups in his enormous driveway in front of a captivated media audience. Based on that outburst(and the Eagle’s supposed fractured psyche), the Birds are now 9/1 to win the Super Bowl. The Patriots are now 8/1 and—brace yourselves—the new odds on favorite to win the Super Bowl are Peyton Manning and the Indianapolis Colts at 6/1. It is Oddjack’s distinct pleasure to congratulate the Colts for this honor and then remind them that even with all of the good tidings and adequate pre-season they still have no fucking chance at winning the Super Bowl.

Eagles Odds Worsen With Terrell Owens’ Distraction [PR News Wire]
NFL Futures Odds [Sportsbook]

NFL Futures Betting: Not Down With the Browns?

READ MORE: Cleveland Browns, Gambling 911, NFL Futures

The gilded sharps at Gambling911 put on their extra large handicapping pants and completely shred the theory that the Cleveland Browns won’t actually surpass the 4 1/2 win total for this season. Those who don’t think so are babbling idiots nursed on lead paint. How can anyone bet against former Super Bowl MVP Trent Dilfer at quarterback?( Don’t answer that.) However, they’ve also shipped their entire defense over to the Broncos—everybody likes working with a clean slate. Plus, they have former Pats defensive coordinator Romeo Crennel, which should give them at least two wins. There are five wins on that schedule. Easy. Go steal money from your girlfriend’s purse and throw a bean on the Browns with this number.

Can the Cleveland Browns Win More than 4 Games This Season? [Gambling911]
Cleveland Browns Schedule [Cleveland Browns]

NFL Futures: Would You Like to Pet the Bengal?

READ MORE: Cincinnati Bengals, NFL Futures

We think Covers’ Stephen Nover must have dated someone in Cincy a long time ago and is taking it out on its football team. Coming into this season as 50-1 longshots to win the Super Bowl, the Cincinnati Bengals still aren’t getting any respect even though they’ve vastly improved offensively, had a win streak at the end of last season, and have a newfound tenacity thanks to head coach Marvin Lewis. But Covers says not to think anything over 8 wins is an automatic thanks to shoddy run defense—especially against AFC North division rivals—and the fact that, well, they’re still the Bengals. Seems a little unfair and we’d suspect that quarterback Carson Palmer’s second full season will only make the team that much better. But just like the women in Cincinatti, some things are a lot easier than they appear and we’re convinced that the Bengals win at least nine games this year and surprise pregnancies will abound in the southwest portion of Ohio.

NFL Preview: Cincinnati Bengals [Covers]

Handicapper: Jets Should Get Used to Crushing Disappointment

READ MORE: Football, NFL Futures, New York Jets, Sports Betting

Even though they had a remarkable playoff run that would’ve gone further had kicker Doug Brien not grown a vagina on consecutive game-winning field goal attempts against the Pittsburgh Steelers in the last year’s playoffs. However, this year, Covers expert Stephen Nover doesn’t see the Jets coming any where close to last year’s fluke success and advises bettors to seriously reconsider throwing money on the Jets to win more than nine wins. With quarterback Chad Pennington’s inconsistency, a decimated defense, and an older Curtis Martin at running back, there just doesn’t seem to be much upside. How long until the Kotite masks come out?

NFL Preview: New York Jets [Covers]