Theo Epstein Gets Offer From Nine.Com

READ MORE: Boston Red Sox, Nine.com, Theo Epstein

Recently resigned 31-year-old Boston Red Sox GM Theo Epstein will obviously have a lot of job options to weigh while he decompresses, soul-searches and bangs half the 24-year-old girls in Boston. Media whoring sportsbook Nine.com has reportedly already extended an offer to Epstein at $2 million a year to help the on-line gambling company set the odds for Major League baseball games.(Why not us?!) The package includes a 6,000-square foot mansion in the mountains of Costa Rica. The island hump-palace includes a running stream, live-in maids, a soccer field, and a tennis court. Epstein has yet to formally turn down the offer(yet), but if he does Nine.com does plan on setting a line on what Epstein’s next move is.

Gambling Site Making An Offer to Theo [Boston Herald]

Nine.Com Says It Has Nine.Com Divorces Itself From Lachey/Simpson Props

READ MORE: Celebrity Betting, Jessica Simpson, Nick Lachey, Nine.com

Of course the one place that has supposedly cracked the not-so-mysterious “break-up” of Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson is tactful sportsbook Nine.com. The online company released a press release stating that due to “suspcious” betting activity in the area where Nick and Jessica reside Nine.com is pulling its wagers on whether or not the reality couple are actually still together or headed for divorce. Nine.com’s numbers show that the amount of betting on a Lachey/Simpson seperation indicate that it is so and, hence, they have to pull their lines. CEO Jack Abraham glibly summarized the situation:

“The administration became incredibly uneasy when they were notified that nearly all bets placed on the termination of Jessica Simpson’s relationship to Nick Lachey were concentrated in areas where they have lived or are living.” said Nine.com spokesperson, Jack Abrams. “We pride ourselves on fair wagering and frankly we have an extremely strong suspicion that those betting know the couple or are in close enough association to either Simpson or Lachey that they have insider information

Jeez, we would’ve figured all of the rumors about them fucking other people would’ve been more of a give away then anything else. But that’s just us.

Nine.com Calls It Quits [Nine.com]
Gawker Report [Gawker]

Kate Moss Disses Nine.com

READ MORE: Cocaine, Kate Moss, Nine.com

The bony mass has spoken and she says…”No.” Such are the reports by the New York Daily News which says that supermodel Kate Moss will not accept the outlandish $5 million spokesperson contract from sportsbook Nine.com. In fact her publicist, schooled in the art of tactful responses, put it very succinctly:

“This story is absolute rubbish. Kate will not be working with this company.”

Nine.com CEO Jack Abrams is undettered, however:

“The offer still stands. If there’s an item in the conditions she’s not happy with, we are certainly receptive to any negotiations.
But if we feel we have to convince her, she’s probably not the right person for us.”

Dude, just offer her some fucking blow.

Supermodel Rejects Online Casino Offer [Online Casino News]
Online Casino Gathers No Moss [NY Daily News]
Previously: More Kate Moss Nonsense [Oddjack]

Nine.Com’s Attempt at Reaching Out to Its Readership

READ MORE: Celebrity Betting, Kate Moss, Nine.com

Frat-tastic sportsbook Nine.com’s recent attempt at recruiting cokey-pokey supermodel Kate Moss for a lucrative $5 million endorsement deal may have left them with a case of scruples. The sportsbook sent around an e-mail to some of its “clients” seeking answers to the question “In lieu of Ms. Moss’s current problems, do you feel that she would be a good spokesmodel for Nine.com????”. $5 million is a steep price to pay for a cracked-out, unreliable, super-skinny person . Why not just go the Bumvertising route?

What Do You Think? [Big Juice Media]
Previously: More Kate Moss Nonsense [Oddjack]

More Kate Moss Nonsense: Sportsbook Offers Sponsorship, Rehab, More Career-Killing Publicity

READ MORE: Kate Moss, Nine.com, Online Casinos

In one of the most bizarre forms of shlocky, pub-hungry marketing schemes, online sportsbook Nine.com is offering beleaguered, coke-schizzed supermodel Kate Moss a whopping $5 million to be the site’s spokesperson which includes helping pay for her rehabilitation at the facility of her choice. Observe the faux earnestness of Nine.com spokesperson Jack Abrams on the offer:

“We at Nine.com believe in second chances. The fashion industry is extremely hypocritical; they perpetuate the ideal that all models must be stick thin in order to be successful, yet they act appalled when these pressured models go to extraordinary means to maintain this image. There’s a better way and we’ll help Ms. Moss find it”

Yes, a better way in making her shlump around Las Vegas to dopey celebrity events shilling for a wretched online sportsbook. And even though we’re no 12-steppers, isn’t gambling in and of itself considered one of those “triggers” that tends to be avoided by recovering addicts? Why not just offer her $5 million to tatoo Nine.com somwhere on her 72-pound frame, throw in a pound of Columbian pure and call it a day?

Kate Moss Presented Casino Deal from Online Sports Casino [Online Casino News]

Previously: ">More Kate Moss Odds: Rehab on the Horizon? [Oddjack]

Oddjack Loves Our Creepy-Ass Readers

READ MORE: BetUs.com, Boobs, Gambling 911, Nine.com, Oddjack, Reader Mail

Apparently, we’re getting too Safe For Work over here at Oddjack as one desperate reader implores us to please, please, please make Oddjack more wanktastic:

I have been visting you site for a few months now and
really do enjoy the content. You provide relevent(sic)
information and humerous offings, overall a very good
website. I would like to see more pictures of
attractive women on the site. When I first began
visting I would see a few goood pictures a day to
supplment(sic) to meaningful content. However I do not see
that nearly as much. Keep up the good work.

Well, we like attractive women as much as the next greasy perv, of course. We even watched Emanuelle Vs. Dracula last night after the Eagles’ game just to pep our wounded spirits. However, we’ve been instructed to keep the photos of mountain-chested poker players to a minimum, lest we sully the good name of America’s favorite fat man sport. However, we are nothing if not respectful of your needs. Here are a few gambling sites that are quite beav-happy and should make things better:

· Gambling 911 · BetUs.com Locker Room · Nine.com Girls

We, on the other hand, plan to continue to just scare the crap out of you with photos of ESPN Insider columnist Scott Engel:

YAGGGH!!

Which Celebrity Poker Player Would You Like to Bang? [Oddjack]

Nine.Com: Coolness Factor Looking a Little Warm

READ MORE: Nine.com, Online Gambling

Okay, okay, we get it: Online gambling is supposed to be for cool guys. We’re supposed to be living the good life with mountain-chested women and online gambling accounts in the millions, wearing stylish clothing and subsisting on booze.

However, there’s a difference between trying to be cool and actually being cool. Yet, that does not stop the online gambling community from reaching, as the conglomeration of casino gaming, babes and “style” has reached its apex now that Nine.com has decided to make its site more cool-guy oriented and cater to every lonely online gambler’s far-fetched desire. Observe the frat-tastic press release:

Sporting a stylish, sexy look, Nine.com features a wide-range of gaming entertainment including sports wagering, poker, casino games, horse racing, skill games, as well as fun betting options on current news events and celebrity foils… as well as unique lifestyle elements such as fashion, music and – of course – models and more models!…[L]ike a hip new Vegas lounge, Nine.com provides a place (Nine Style) where players could simply chill out and enjoy some compelling and humorous content while indulging in a little eye candy (The Nine.com Girls).

Wow, Nine.com is like the online gambling equivalent of fucking Spring Break in Ibiza! Kind of. Sort of. Wait…mmm… not so much.

Nine Style [Nine.com]