Norman Chad May Be The Biggest Dick in The World

READ MORE: Brandon Lang, Norman Chad, Two For the Money, World Series of Poker

The love/hate relationship most ESPN World Series of Poker viewers have with color commentator Norman Chad is well-known. Sometimes his attempts at pithy one-liners can make things more interesting and sometimes…not. However, it’s especially amusing to see how Chad’s grating, caustic voice and hit-or-miss humor translates in print. In this week’s column, Chad tees off on everybody’s favorite gambling movie,Two For The Money, so much we actually almost felt bad for anybody involved in the film. (Except, Brandon Lang, of course.) Check out the fangs on Norman Chad:

“This movie was as authentic about sports gambling as “Gilligan’s Island” was about shipwrecked life on a desert isle.
I would’ve rather watched Jim Feist pick produce. I mean, who read this baby and said, “Let’s make movie magic!”
They would’ve been better off making a movie about a pylon.
(There were precisely 11 of us watching the movie at my theater’s late show. At one point, we considered blitzing the projectionist to stop the film, but one of the audience members was a lawyer who explained that our legal position was stronger if we tried to survive the entire production.) If “Two for the Money” came out, say, 10 or 15 years ago, it might’ve ended Pacino’s and Russo’s careers. As for McConaughey, I’m not quite sure he has a career.”

So, we’re assuming Chad gives this movie a thumbs down? We can’t tell. He’s holding back too much.

‘Boo’ For the Money [Washington Post]
Norman Chad Thread [HomePokerGames]

WSOP 2005: Norman Chad Needs An Intervention

READ MORE: ESPN, Norman Chad, Poker, WSOP 2005

Hey Normie, what’s with the self-loathing? Just because you’re the voice of poker on ESPN doesn’t mean you need to feel guilty for taking a dump on the world of online poker. Keep reading after the jump…

WITH ALL THE INTERPERSONAL SKILLS OF A LAMPSHADE

Quoting Norman’s latest at Inside Bay Area:

Still, I’m struck by a notion — online poker is great for the game and lousy for the greater good of America.

(Alas, I must address a question: Am I a hypocrite? Admittedly, if I did not live near a card room or I was incapacitated for any length of time, I likely would play poker online. Plus, I am a lifelong pro-gambling advocate who now promotes poker on TV. So, on this hypocrite thing, I am somewhat guilty as charged.)

Online poker has a pretty simple dynamic:

You withdraw into your home.

You play whenever you want.

You interact only with your mouse, your mouse pad and your keyboard.

You eventually emerge from your isolation — sometimes richer, sometimes poorer — with the interpersonal skills of a lampshade.

Between those television teeth of his you’ll find - yes, that’s right - the hand that feeds him. Oh, and maybe someone should tell him that the tinfoil hat isn’t distracting anyone from the truth about his hairline. He’s starting to make Kareem Abdul-Jabbar look like Lew Alcindor. We are, however, prone to agree with his “Internet associates:”

(By the way — and my Internet associates tell me I’m an idiot every time I say this — I don’t trust online poker, either. I believe it is easier to cheat online. I don’t care what the programmers say about the software being impenetrable, if there’s that much money at stake, somebody sometime somewhere somehow is going to try to be smart enough to crack the system. Eventually, we will have an online poker scandal that will make the 2002 Breeder’s Cup pick-six betting scam look like a Soapbox Derby fix.)

Maybe next week he’ll tell us that the avatars on Full Tilt Poker are peeking at his hole cards. We await his next dispatch with baited breath.

Online Poker Players Need a Life [Inside Bay Area]

WSOP 2005: Norman Chad Lights Up Your Tuesday

READ MORE: ESPN, Erick Lindgren, Jesus Ferguson, Mimi Tran, Norman Chad, WSOP 2005

It’s Tuesday, so you know what that means… No, we’re not talking crab leg night at the Chinese buffet, we’re talking about new episodes of the World Series of Poker on ESPN. This episode is the last of the “circuit events,” this one the $10k Circuit Championship from Harrah’s Atlantic City.

Dancing like drunken monkeys for your pleasure tonight: Mimi Tran, Erick Lindgren, and Jesus Ferguson, among six others vying for top honors.

We’re linking you to our friends at Las Vegas Vegas for info, but be forewarned that they do reveal the winner - you didn’t think this was live, did you?

Tuesday Night is WSOP TV Night on ESPN [Las Vegas Vegas]