Cultural Oddsmaker: Next Prominent Gay Athlete

READ MORE: Cheryl Swoopes, Gay Athletes, Oddjack Cultural Oddsmaker

On the heels of the unsurprising news that WNBA-er Sheryl Swoopes is a lesbian, there is rampant speculation in the sports community about who will be the next major sports figure to step forward. We don’t think this will be as a big a deal as most people suspect—it may result in some players requesting seperate locker rooms and cause Jeremy Shockey’s head to explode, but that’s expected—and will ultimately be better for professional sports in the long run. Oddjack has pooled together a list of suspects based on passed rumor, innuendo, and guilty-by-association reasoning who we suspect will be the next professional athlete to publicly admit their homosexuality. After the jump, see who we handicapped as the next brave individual to step forward.

· Bruce Chen, SP, Baltimore Orioles: Soft-spoken Asian pitcher who’s been bounced around the league and at one point fingered as the mysterious lover of Out Editor Brendan Lemon who penned an article about having an affair with a prominent National League East pitcher(Chen was with the Philadelphia Phillies at the time)and members of the Philadelphia talk radio circuit were ready to pounce all over the story—but held off due to legal concerns. Last year’s resurgence in Baltimore can only reignite speculation and a possible admission soon to follow.

Odds: 6/1

· Peyton Manning, Indianapolis Colts QB: Even though Jeff Garcia was half-heartedly “outed” by Terrell Owens, it appears Peyton’s relationship with a country star may be what prompts him to step forward. Although he’s married, Manning’s strange ,handsy relationship with country music star Kenny Chesney.(The fact that Chesney’s marriage to Renee Zellweger ended due to “fraud” charges from her doesn’t help.) Peyton’s laid back attitude, questionable smirks, and down home country attitude have lead him down the unfortunate path of questionable sexuality. Probably too high a profile player to have the guts to step forward, but the decrease in offensive production this season is cause for alarm. He may be “distracted.”

Odds: 14/1

· Mike Piazza, Catcher, New York Mets—Yes, it’s an obvious one, but even after his awkward press conference proclaiming his heterosexuality the rumors still dog him. One doesn’t need to go very far on the internet to find evidence.—many residents of Port St. Lucie(the Mets’ spring training headquarters) claim Piazza was spotted on numerous occasions at the gay clubs in the area. And are Playboy playmate’s not the perfect beards? However, his staunch denials and marriage make it more likely for him to come out well after his done with baseball. But maybe a trade next season will have him seeing things differently.

Odds: 8/1

· Tony Stewart, NASCAR—Many in the NASCAR community have their suspicions about the sports alleged “bad boy”—his volatile temper may be a result of his pent-up sexual frustrations that in a such a testosterone laden sport have manifested itself in a strange way. There were also rumors circulating that he had a gay affair before his NASCAR career took off. Would make sense in a Judas Priest/Rob Halford sort of way.

Odds: 3/1

· Kordell Stewart, QB, Baltimore Ravens—Almost too obvious, but also one that resulted in a spectacular non-denial(“A rumor is a rumor, you look it up in the dictionary it will tell you exactly what it means. I’m Kordell Stewart, the guy who worked with you guys and … has made some great plays around this place. And I don’t want any fan or any knucklehead outside of this organization make you feel any differently about me as a player.”) by him when the rumors spread during his tenure in Pittsburgh. If Kordell takes over the starting job in Baltimore, be prepared for another round of rumors that may lead to his outing eventually in a public manner. This would also result in the inevitable Baltimore Gay-vens marketing campaign.

Odds: 1/5 (prohibitive favorite)

Oddjack Cultural Oddsmaker: New York City Subway Attack

READ MORE: New York City Subway, Oddjack Cultural Oddsmaker

Because we live in New York and are planning on taking the subway at some point over the next few days, it seems only fair that we gauge our chances of survival in the midst of all this Subway! Terror! hoopla. Yes, we’re fearful, but yet so brave. We can only hope that we’re better at predicting our own fate than we are at playoff baseball. After the jump, open your code orange-colored eyes and your black briefcases get some action on whether or not we’ll be dead this weekend. Special thanks to these fine folks, for helping out.

The N/R train gets bombed and that blind guy playing the violin will be a suspect—35/1

The 7 train will be targeted all because of what John Rocker said a few years ago about it being loaded with homosexuals and drug addicts— 15/1

All Wall Street people carrying black briefcases will suddenly be looked at with the same nervous suspicion as 85 percent of New York City cab drivers—2/1

Mayor Giuliani will pop up at some point to be a calming presence throughout the city and talk mostly about the Yankee game—-7/2

The New York Yankees will have somebody in the organization wearing NYPD/FDNY merchandise during rest of playoffs just to remind the rest of the nation that we are, in fact, the center of the universe—2/1

The G line that runs between Brooklyn and Queens gets the worst of it—750/1

The Naked Cowboy will have his guitar case examined for more than 12 minutes—6/1

Subway masturbation incidents decrease dramatically—4/1

Number of undercover police officers masturbating on the subway decreases dramatically—3/1

Mayor Michael Bloomberg is riding the 6 train all weekend because he’s still Jenny from the Block—4/1

Mayor Michael Bloomberg blows up in the 6 train and just hates himself for being so damned earnest in the afterlife—500/1

Oddjack capitalizes on a potentially horrifying disaster for the sake of our own sagging traffic—EVEN

Nothing will happen and we’ll all feel foolish once again—1/100

Fun With the Over/Under

Number of people walking to work over the next week—2,456,376

Number of boxes of peanut M & M’s confiscated from teenagers looking to raise money for their “basketball teams”—75

Number of New York Post stories written throughout the weekend that will be done to intentionally scare the crap out of people— 34

Number of Red Sox fans reading Bill Simmons’ “Now I Can Die In Peace” on 5 train while it’s blown up—14

Number of New Yorkers engaged in terror-fucking right this minute—4,760

Amount of suitcase bombs made from Canal Street leatherwares—12

Number of homeless people on F train when nail bomb explodes—45.5(including man with no arms legs who wobbles through on a skateboard)

Number of copies of The Taking of Pelham One Two Three Blockbuster rents over the weekend—2

Number of Kevlar vests Bloomberg will be wearing when his 6 train blows up—4

Previous Cultural Oddsmakers

Oddjack Cultural Oddsmaker: O.C. Season Three

READ MORE: Oddjack Cultural Oddsmaker, The OC

You’re probably saying, why the fuck are they covering The O.C. on the day the NFL season begins? And where is the Arizona Diamondbacks/Pittsburgh Pirates game?(The computer ate that post. We picked the Diamondbacks and the under, for the record.) All valid questions, for sure. We’re not 14-year-old girls. We don’t suffer from any sort of degenenerative brain disorder and, no, we’re not relatives of O.C. creator Josh Schwartz. Then why the homo pants, Oddjack? You realize football season starts in, um, like 7 goddamn hours? Yes. But could it be possible that in addition to our addictions to horse racing, baseball, and football we might be a little hooked on this stirring teenage drama-carnage following the lives of good looking rich people from Orange County, CaliforniYAAA? It’s a possibility. Here we come, odds, after the jump.

Odds

Ryan shows bare wrists at any point during the season—35/1

Seth Cohen cheats on Summer with an older woman— 7/1

Sandy Cohen does something earnest and heartfelt—1/3

Sandy Cohen gets attacked by a shark while surfing—4/1

Marissa spends season in prison after shooting Ryan’s deadbeat crazy brother—40/1

Ryan takes rap for Marissa and is dangerously close to being sent away to prison—1/2

Ryan contemplates running away to avoid jail time—1/3

Seth suggests using his boat—10/1

Seth suggests hiding in Sandy Cohen’s eyebrows—500/1

Rooooney!—2/1

Seth takes rap for Marissa gets sent to prison—40/1

While Seth is away in prison, Summer uses Captain Oats as a dildo—3,500/1

Fun with the Over/Under

Number of shitty bands you’ve never heard of that show up to perform at the Bait Shop and become one-hit wonders to high school seniors everywhere— 7

Number of times Seth and Summer are officially “on” as a couple 2.5

Number of times Seth and Summer are no longer speaking (must occur for at least 22 minutes in a single episode for action)— 2

Number of substances Marissa abuses, season— 3.5

Number of times Ryan washes his hands of Marissa, claiming her abuse and his mother’s abuse are just too interrelated— 1.5

Number of Newpsie soirees thrown by the Cohens, season— 5.5

Number of drinks the lazy writers have recovering alcoholic Kirsten Cohen drinking at said soirees, non-relapse plot point beverages only—3.5

Number of Sandy Cohen quizzical glances in first three episodes— 44

Number of pithy one-liners actor Adam Brody has to research online to fully understand before delivering—77.5

Number of times Ryan goes from average teen to brooding loner and back — 11.5

Number of men, boys, farm animals, Girl Scouts, etc Julie Cooper-Nichol bangs —3.5

Number of dollars we’re going to have to have on the MLB Playoffs and World Series to make nearly 60 days of hiatus for The O.C. even palatable— $500

Previously: Oddjack Cultural Oddsmaker: VMA Awards [Oddjack]

Oddjack Cultural Oddsmaker: Cindy Sheehan’s Last Stand

READ MORE: Cindy Sheehan, Oddjack Cultural Oddsmaker

This week’s Oddjack Cultural Oddsmaker takes a big drunken swing at the growing saga(or non-saga) of grieving mother Cindy Sheehan who has spent the last two weeks sitting outside President Bush’s ranch in Crawford, Tex., demanding a meeting with Dubya about the Iraq war and the death of her son. She has vowed that she will not leave the ranch until Bush’s vacation ends, he meets with her or Bush brings home troops from Iraq. Though those possibilities seem listed in order of likelihood, we don’t necessarily think those are the only potential outcomes of Sheehan’s protest. Oddjack has recruited lovable scamp Will Leitch to handicap the crap out of this thing. Embrace the odds, after the jump.

ODDS

Odds That Crawford Currently Has More Jews, Vegetarians And Blacks Than Any Other Time In Its History: 1/1

Odds That Larry Hagman Is Signing Autographs Somewhere Within A 10-Mile Radius: 7/2

Odds That Salon Is Spending Three-Quarters Of Its Budget Covering Cindy Sheehan: 2/1

Odds That Her Husband, Who Filed For Divorce This Week, Is Getting A Ton Of Tail Out Of This: 3/2

Odds That CraigsList “Missed Connections” Posting In The Crawford Area Contains The Phrase “Me: 80-Pound Male. You: 250-Pounds, An Extra Breast, Armpit Hair, Carrying Grenade.”: 8/1

Odds That Area Cows, Using The Sheehan Brouhaha As A Distraction, Are Quietly Plotting Revenge: 73/1

Odds That The Bush Twins Are Eyeing The Cows Very Suspiciously: 2/1

Odds That Bush Isn’t Exactly “Vacationing;” He’s Just Taking A Few Weeks To Figure Out What Laura Was Talking About When She Mentioned Something Called A “Spork:” 5/2

Odds That Bush, When Finally Leaving The Ranch, Tosses Sheehan A “Bush” Steelers Jersey, Tips His Helmet And Shares A Coke With Her, Before Then Being Suddenly Attacked By A Cougar: 38/1

FUN WITH THE OVER/UNDER

Percentage of MoveOn.org Representatives Who Have Been Laid During The Bush Administration: 42

Number Of Screens Of Crawford’s Five Screen Movie Theater That Are Currently Showing The Dukes Of Hazzard: 4

Percentage Of Crawford Teenagers Disappointed That The Slew Of Media Is Seriously Dampening Their Attempts To Go Mudding: 75

Percentage Of Texans Far More Concerned About Bill Parcells: 95

Number Of Times Bill Clinton Has Looked At Cindy Sheehan On Television, Gone Quiet For A Moment, Looked Down, Looked Back Up, Then Shook His Head And Said, “Nahhh … Too Old.” : 3

Number Of Times George Bush Has Looked Outside His Window, Turned To His Wife, And, With A Thoughtful, Pensive Look In His Eyes, Said, “It’s Horrible What’s Happened To Tom Cruise. Top Gun Ruled.”: 2

Number Of Hours Protestors Will Spend In Crawford Once Sheehan Leaves: 1

Hours Of Sleep Bush Is Getting Every Night: 15

Previous Cultural Oddsmakers:
Wild on Tara! [Oddjack]
Gawker Vs. Onion Softball
[Oddjack]
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory [Oddjack]
Live 8 Odds [Oddjack]

Oddjack Cultural Oddsmaker: Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

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This week’s Oddjack Cultural Oddsmaker comes courtesy of a feisty blogger with a Starburst heart and a body made of Necco wafers, Detroit blogging Papa Doc Matt Tobey. Tobey’s diabolically absurd commentary can be ingested daily at his City of Floating Blogs, plus he’s also one of the former editors of the beloved ultra-fiction mindblower Haypenny(R.I.P.). Today, Tobey cleans out the cobwebs and embraces the candy rainbown that is Tim Burton’s weirdo kiddie flick, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, which opens nationwide tomorrow. After the jump, find out what it looks like to handicap on low-grade blotter acid.

Sure today is Bastille Day, but going into the weekend, most Americans aren’t thinking “Let them eat cake” so much as “let them eat candy,” and some quirky-ass candy at that (Or is it quirky ass-candy?). That’s right, this Friday marks the release of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Tim Burton’s film adaptation of the Roald Dahl classic. Surprisingly for a kid-flick, the movie is surrounded by speculation. By now you’ve heard the cries that Burton and star Johnny Depp have created a film à clef based on Michael Jackson. But there’s more. And where there’s rampant conjecture, there are odds.

Odds:

The film will feature hot Oompa-Loompa-on-Oompa-Loompa action: 47/1
Johnny Depp will insist all press-junket reporters interview him in a pool of melted butterscotch: 35/1

Gene Wilder will protest the new film by slowly withering further into obscurity: 1/6

Filmgoers will be disappointed to discover composer Danny Elfman opted to score the film exclusively with instruments made of praline fudge: 19/2

Freddie Highmore, the actor portraying Charlie Bucket, will fall on hard times in his adulthood and star in the porno movie Charlie and the Bukkake Factory: 84/1

The wild success of the subsequent sequels Charlie and the Meat Processing Plant and Charlie and the Textile Mill will prove that blue-collar is in: 360/1

The actor who played Augustus Gloop in the original film will express his approval for the new film by eating the actor who plays Augustus Gloop in the new film: 2/1

Anyone will think of the post-grunge girl-band Veruca Salt whenever the character Veruca Salt is on screen: 1003/1

Members of the post-grunge girl-band Veruca Salt will sit in the back of the theater and exclaim, “So that’s where the post-grunge girl-band Veruca Salt got their name! I think I’ll go out and by several copies of their albums”: Even

Fun with the Over/Under

Jellybeans in any given scene: 6092

Jellybeans in any given scone: 6

Oscars the film will win: 1

Oscars the film would’ve won if they’d taken my advice and cast Burt Reynolds as the blood-thirsty cotton-candy-robot: 80

Number of times the phrase, “Golden ticket? How about a golden shower?” will successfully be used to pick up women when uttered at screenings of the film: 2

Number of times the phrase, “Golden ticket? How about a golden shower?” will successfully be used to pick up women when uttered at Geena Davis’s house: 562

Number of times I’ll see the film: 1

Number of times I’d see the film if they hadn’t cut the heavy petting scene between Grandpa Joe and the lollipop duck: 77

Fudge-packing jokes in the film: 2

Fudge-packing jokes in any given theater screening the film: 17

Previously: Oddjack Cultural Oddsmaker: Live 8 Odds [Oddjack]

Oddjack Cultural Oddsmaker: Live 8 Odds

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Today’s Oddjack Cultural Oddsmaker comes courtesy of Geoff Wolinetz, satirist, diarist, and anarchist of Yankee Pot Roast. Mr. Wolinetz engages us with a breakdown of odds for this weekend’s Live 8 concert, which no one seems to have any idea what the concert is about. Famine? Amnesty? WTO? Scientology? We guess we’ll have to wait and see.

After the jump, Geoff puts on his OxFam handicapper’s hat, his crowdsurfing pants, and feeds the world a heaping spoonful of fun Live 8 things to bet on this weekend.

On May 31, 2005, former Boomtown Rat and co-organizer Bob Geldof announced his plans to organize his third worldwide concert, Live 8. You may be asking yourself, “What is the point of Live 8? Didn’t we accomplish all of this 20 years ago with Live Aid? I still have my t-shirt.”

Well, according to Geldof, Live 8 is not Live Aid 2. Like Leonard, Part 6, this “sequel” is meant to stand on its own merit. Live 8 will bring together over 100 different musical acts in 10 different cities and is scheduled just before the July 6-9 meeting of the G8 leaders in Edinburgh, Scotland. It is a coordinated musical effort to get the G8 leaders to start tapping their feet and humming along, thereby canceling African debt, injecting new money into the continent and “delivering trade justice.” Whatever that means. Hey, Bono’s gonna be there!!

Whenever this many people come together to lend their support to a cause, there are invariably some shysters looking to take advantage of them, protesters to voice their opposition to the “man,” (no matter who the man actually is) and ensuing general wackiness. Who wants some action?

CONCERT ODDS

· Any band will commit to the as-yet-determined line up for the Moscow show: 120/1
·Russian metal band Autograph will reprise their performance from “Live Aid”: 7/1
· Someone will use the pick up line “How’d you like to relieve the African debt in my pants?”: 1/5
· Coca-Cola will plunk down a brief case full of cash to be the “Official Soft Drink of Live 8”: 3/1
· Bono will scream something completely unintelligible between songs and the audience will scream in agreement despite having no idea what he said: 1/300
· Philadelphia Eagles fans will throw D batteries at the concert performers at Art Museum: Even
· AOL Music’s webcast will crash from all the traffic directed to the site: 7/2
· An impromptu “Ebony and Ivory” duet by Rob Thomas and Stevie Wonder: 17/1
· Blood will pour out of my eyes while listening to an impromptu “Ebony and Ivory” duet by Rob Thomas and Stevie Wonder: Even
· Nelson and Winnie Mandela will reconcile with an open mouth kiss (ala Michael Jackson/Lisa Marie Presley) on stage: 200/1
· Rolling Stone will proclaim this “The Concert of the Decade”: 1/10,000,000,000,000
· Spin will marginalize the event with a Chuck Klosterman column and complete lack of coverage: 5/1
· This concert will inspire “Hands Across America 8”: 14/1

FUN WITH THE OVER/UNDER:

· Price of a bottle of water: $6
· Percentage of things made of hemp (excluding actual narcotics): 73
· Times President Bush will be called a criminal: 65.5
· Times President Bush will be called a war criminal: 49.5
· Port-o-Johns set ablaze: 16

· Ounces of hair product that Bono uses: 22
· Shout-outs by Bono to Kofi Annan: 3
· “Mourn you ‘til I join you” shout-outs by Bono to Pope JP the 2: 4
· Protesters: 150,000
· Protesters protesting issues that are totally unrelated to the cause Live 8 is advocating: 100,000
· Food consumed by concert goers (in pounds): 250,000
· Number of starving Africans food consumed by concert goers could feed: 750,000

Oddjack Cultural Oddsmaker: New York City Gay Pride Parade

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This week’s Oddjack Cultural Oddsmaker skips across the rainbow-colored field that is the New York City Gay Pride parade—or the Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgendered Pride March(LGBT), for those of you keeping tabs on stuff like that. The LGBT has always been a fantastic event to people-watch and, also, a great place to learn how to do the second incarnation of the Electric Slide—it comes in very handy at weddings and Bat Mitzvahs. It’s also a spectacular event to make some easy cash from your buddies by betting on some of the shirtless shindiggery that’ll go down at Sunday’s parade. Today’s guest oddsmaker is Will Leitch, an editor at the mighty Black Table, author, freelance writer and budding fashionista. After the jump, Mr. Leitch takes some time away from chipping away at his many writing duties to handicap some of this weekend’s faaabulous betting opportunities. Celebrate diversity and shit, you gambling baboons.

This Sunday, thousands of gays, lesbians, bisexuals and … what’s the other one again? … oh, yeah, transgenders will flock to New York City’s Greenwich Village for the 36th annual LGBT Pride March. The parade is always one of the more memorable weekends in New York, if just because of the strange confluence of protestors, tourists and people wearing permutations of purple of which we were previously unawares. The weekend is a party all around and is perfectly formed for that great New York sport of people watching.

But why merely be a bystander? Get together with your friends and make some bets! Here are some lines to work from; these lines, like the lines in the bathroom at The Cock, are for entertainment purposes only.

ODDS:

Someone Actually Transgenders Themselves During The Parade: 4/1

New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg Will Address The Crowd By Telling Stories Of Dating Diana Ross: 42/1

Everyone Will Be Thinking That Anyway When He’s Talking: 1/3

Straight Boys From Jersey Will Search In Vain For Jennifer Beals And Sarah Shahi: 3:98

There Will Be More Men Dressed As Cops Than Actual Cops: 1/7

ENTERTAINMENT SPECIAL ODDS:

Rosie O’Donnell Will Show Up: 3/1

If She Does, She Will Write A Poem On Her Blog That Uses The Words “miracles,” “Iraq,” “dolphins” and “WE ARE HERE!”: 2/22,183

Float Judge “The Empress” Is Drugged And Killed By Margaret Cho: 34/1

Anderson Cooper, Covering The Parade For CNN, Suddenly Jumps Into The Street, Inspired, And Screams, “Yes! I’m A Proud Gay Man! Who Wants Some Cock??!!”: 6/1

Couple Will Show Up Dressed Like Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise: 2/1

Rosie O’Donnell Will Be One Of Those People: 8/1

FUN WITH THE OVER/UNDER

Anti-Gay Protestors: 150 (depending on whether Staten Island Ferry is running on time)

Floats With Some Joke About “Log Cabin Republicans”: 8

Log Cabin Republicans At The Parade: 3

Port-O-Potties: 4

Port-O-Potties Being Used For Intended Purposes: 1

Number Of Words That The New York Post’s Next-Day Headline Has That Rhyme With “Gay”: 6

Details Magazine Staffers Marching: 12

Radar Magazine Staffers Marching: 27.5

National Review Staffers Marching: 40

Previously: Oddjack Cultural Oddsmaker: Russell Crowe’s Next Victim [Oddjack]

Oddjack Cultural Oddsmaker: Russell Crowe’s Next Victim

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Today’s Oddjack Cultural Oddsmaker explores the fiery Aussie furnace that is actor Russell Crowe. The restraint-lacking actor’s recent phone-drubbing of a hotel porter in New York City has once again caused trouble for him, both publicly and professionally, as Cinderella Man spirals down the box office dumper. Crowe’s recent foibles also expose the sorry state of high-priced anger management therapy—our celebrities need help and constant coddling or else they’ll attack like rabid ferrets at the slightest provocation.

This week’s guest cultural oddsmaker is Maxim magazine’s entertainment editor, Eric Gillin, who’s stepping away from his daily duties of finding boob synonyms and test-driving Real Dolls to participate. After the jump, see how Mr. Gillin handicaps the field of potential Crowe-cocked victims.

After chucking his phone at someone’s face a week ago, Russell Crowe has learned his lesson, not only for creating a public relations nightmare, pissing off his wife, and damaging what was probably a very sweet phone, his Cinderella Man movie has made just $35 million in two weeks—and critics say it’s his fault the movie is tanking. Why, that’s enough to make an Oscar-winning Australian actor a wee bit pissed off. And for a man who has left a legacy of brutality in his wake—biting his own bodyguard on the set of Cinderella Man, shoving a TV producer after winning a BAFTA award for A Beautiful Mind, and fighting a fellow patron at an upscale London eatery—the frustrations of being frustrated could prove really frustrating. And like Pringles, once you pop you just can’t stop. So, who’s next?

General Public

If you’re any kind of service employee—golf caddy, fast-food burger slinger, bodyguard, waitress, barback, pizza delivery boy, Amway salesman—quake in fear. If you get Crowe angry, Crowe will smash.

Odds: 1/5(Prohibitive favorite)

Craig Bierko

Now that Crowe can’t hit him or risk another public meltdown, look for his Cinderella Man co-star to get even for those “two-bit actor” snipes by putting his finger near Crowe’s eye and screaming “nah nah nah, I’m not touching you.”

Odds: 6-1

The Other Members of 30 Odd Foot of Grunts

You don’t think the other members of Crowe’s band have been quietly fuming? No one knows who they are; every time they get a good groove going, “Mr. Hollywood” has to go make another film; and that name, good lord, that fucking name.

Odds: 5-1

John Norris from MTV

Simply put, the man is 62-years-old, dresses like he has a frequent shopper card at Hot Topic, and he sits when he pees. Luckily, the chances are slim that Crowe ends up on TRL and crosses paths with him.

Odds: 10-1

Himself

Right now, Crowe is already beating himself up on David Letterman and offering public apologies to the poor fucker who caught his Motorola the hard way, but things could reach Ed Norton in Fight Club levels. All it takes is one dirty look in a mirror and Crowe will try to wipe that fucking smirk off his own face.

Odds: 3-1