Oddjack Cultural Oddsmaker: Cindy Sheehan’s Last Stand

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This week’s Oddjack Cultural Oddsmaker takes a big drunken swing at the growing saga(or non-saga) of grieving mother Cindy Sheehan who has spent the last two weeks sitting outside President Bush’s ranch in Crawford, Tex., demanding a meeting with Dubya about the Iraq war and the death of her son. She has vowed that she will not leave the ranch until Bush’s vacation ends, he meets with her or Bush brings home troops from Iraq. Though those possibilities seem listed in order of likelihood, we don’t necessarily think those are the only potential outcomes of Sheehan’s protest. Oddjack has recruited lovable scamp Will Leitch to handicap the crap out of this thing. Embrace the odds, after the jump.

ODDS

Odds That Crawford Currently Has More Jews, Vegetarians And Blacks Than Any Other Time In Its History: 1/1

Odds That Larry Hagman Is Signing Autographs Somewhere Within A 10-Mile Radius: 7/2

Odds That Salon Is Spending Three-Quarters Of Its Budget Covering Cindy Sheehan: 2/1

Odds That Her Husband, Who Filed For Divorce This Week, Is Getting A Ton Of Tail Out Of This: 3/2

Odds That CraigsList “Missed Connections” Posting In The Crawford Area Contains The Phrase “Me: 80-Pound Male. You: 250-Pounds, An Extra Breast, Armpit Hair, Carrying Grenade.”: 8/1

Odds That Area Cows, Using The Sheehan Brouhaha As A Distraction, Are Quietly Plotting Revenge: 73/1

Odds That The Bush Twins Are Eyeing The Cows Very Suspiciously: 2/1

Odds That Bush Isn’t Exactly “Vacationing;” He’s Just Taking A Few Weeks To Figure Out What Laura Was Talking About When She Mentioned Something Called A “Spork:” 5/2

Odds That Bush, When Finally Leaving The Ranch, Tosses Sheehan A “Bush” Steelers Jersey, Tips His Helmet And Shares A Coke With Her, Before Then Being Suddenly Attacked By A Cougar: 38/1

FUN WITH THE OVER/UNDER

Percentage of MoveOn.org Representatives Who Have Been Laid During The Bush Administration: 42

Number Of Screens Of Crawford’s Five Screen Movie Theater That Are Currently Showing The Dukes Of Hazzard: 4

Percentage Of Crawford Teenagers Disappointed That The Slew Of Media Is Seriously Dampening Their Attempts To Go Mudding: 75

Percentage Of Texans Far More Concerned About Bill Parcells: 95

Number Of Times Bill Clinton Has Looked At Cindy Sheehan On Television, Gone Quiet For A Moment, Looked Down, Looked Back Up, Then Shook His Head And Said, “Nahhh … Too Old.” : 3

Number Of Times George Bush Has Looked Outside His Window, Turned To His Wife, And, With A Thoughtful, Pensive Look In His Eyes, Said, “It’s Horrible What’s Happened To Tom Cruise. Top Gun Ruled.”: 2

Number Of Hours Protestors Will Spend In Crawford Once Sheehan Leaves: 1

Hours Of Sleep Bush Is Getting Every Night: 15

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