Oddjack Cultural Oddsmaker: O.C. Season Three

READ MORE: Oddjack Cultural Oddsmaker, The OC

You’re probably saying, why the fuck are they covering The O.C. on the day the NFL season begins? And where is the Arizona Diamondbacks/Pittsburgh Pirates game?(The computer ate that post. We picked the Diamondbacks and the under, for the record.) All valid questions, for sure. We’re not 14-year-old girls. We don’t suffer from any sort of degenenerative brain disorder and, no, we’re not relatives of O.C. creator Josh Schwartz. Then why the homo pants, Oddjack? You realize football season starts in, um, like 7 goddamn hours? Yes. But could it be possible that in addition to our addictions to horse racing, baseball, and football we might be a little hooked on this stirring teenage drama-carnage following the lives of good looking rich people from Orange County, CaliforniYAAA? It’s a possibility. Here we come, odds, after the jump.

Odds

Ryan shows bare wrists at any point during the season—35/1

Seth Cohen cheats on Summer with an older woman— 7/1

Sandy Cohen does something earnest and heartfelt—1/3

Sandy Cohen gets attacked by a shark while surfing—4/1

Marissa spends season in prison after shooting Ryan’s deadbeat crazy brother—40/1

Ryan takes rap for Marissa and is dangerously close to being sent away to prison—1/2

Ryan contemplates running away to avoid jail time—1/3

Seth suggests using his boat—10/1

Seth suggests hiding in Sandy Cohen’s eyebrows—500/1

Rooooney!—2/1

Seth takes rap for Marissa gets sent to prison—40/1

While Seth is away in prison, Summer uses Captain Oats as a dildo—3,500/1

Fun with the Over/Under

Number of shitty bands you’ve never heard of that show up to perform at the Bait Shop and become one-hit wonders to high school seniors everywhere— 7

Number of times Seth and Summer are officially “on” as a couple 2.5

Number of times Seth and Summer are no longer speaking (must occur for at least 22 minutes in a single episode for action)— 2

Number of substances Marissa abuses, season— 3.5

Number of times Ryan washes his hands of Marissa, claiming her abuse and his mother’s abuse are just too interrelated— 1.5

Number of Newpsie soirees thrown by the Cohens, season— 5.5

Number of drinks the lazy writers have recovering alcoholic Kirsten Cohen drinking at said soirees, non-relapse plot point beverages only—3.5

Number of Sandy Cohen quizzical glances in first three episodes— 44

Number of pithy one-liners actor Adam Brody has to research online to fully understand before delivering—77.5

Number of times Ryan goes from average teen to brooding loner and back — 11.5

Number of men, boys, farm animals, Girl Scouts, etc Julie Cooper-Nichol bangs —3.5

Number of dollars we’re going to have to have on the MLB Playoffs and World Series to make nearly 60 days of hiatus for The O.C. even palatable— $500

Previously: Oddjack Cultural Oddsmaker: VMA Awards [Oddjack]