Monday Morning Oddsline

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YOUR NEXT / OUR LAST FIVE DAYS ON THE OVER/UNDER
· Percent of posts you’ll see this week pertaining to poker - 62%
· Posts dedicated to long-since-cancelled television series - THREE
· Minutes of effort AJ will put into his last week of football picks - THREE

GREATEST HITS: YOUR MONDAY MORNING ODDSLINE FOR JUNE 11TH, 1977
· Number of gold records Andy Gibb will hit before all is said and done - TWENTY-SEVEN
· With Jimmy Carter’s approval rating at an all-time high, odds he’ll lose his re-election bid - 250-1
· Oscars Gabe Kaplan will win before the 1980s are over - +/- 2.5

Friday Morning Lions-Line

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Since one of us is a long-time diehard Detroit Lions fan, we’ll handicap what’s coming next for the saddest franchise in all of professional sports - so far as we’re concerned…

FIVE MORE WEEKS OF HELL
· Will Steve Mariucci be fired before next Sunday? - YES (-180)
· What percentage of snaps will Dan Orlovsky get at QB? - +/- 67%
· Number of wins for Detroit at the close of week seventeen - FIVE (-110)

HANDICAPPING 2006 IN MOTOWN
· Your Lions 2006 opening day QB starter - DAN ORLOVSKY (+300), MATT SCHAUB (+220), BILLY VOLEK (+425), KURT WARNER (+250), TIM RATTAY (+330)
· Your 2006 Lions coach - MIKE SINGLETARY (+330), RUSS GRIMM (+180), SCOTT LINEHAN (+200), SEAN PAYTON (+360), STEVE MARIUCCI (+800)
· Over/Under on number of wins, 2006 season - +/- NINE

Wednesday Morning Oddsline

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NOW THAT THE GALLOWS POLE IS IN VIEW
· Odds that we’ll be blaming all this on last week’s guest editor Mean Gene to anyone who’ll listen - 3-1
· Odds that AJ Daulerio will suffer through one of those sheet-cake-and-balloons hollow goodbyes in the home office - 75-1
· Odds that we’ll grow a peasy mustache and walk the back country of West Virginia claiming to be a Pittsnogle just to try and get some easy ass - 12-1

SO WHAT TO EXPECT THIS WEEK
· BG’s 2,500 word ode to Prosciutto - 10-1
· We’ll drop jewels like paraphrenalia - 8-1
· A half-assed slate of football picks you should plan on fading - heavily - EVEN

Tuesday Morning Oddsline

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SETTING THE ODDSLINE
· Will Snoop save Tookie? - NO (-180)
· On what will Harry Potter’s Daniel Radcliffe lose his $23M fortune? - BLOW AND WHORES (+440)
· What were the odds that a guy described as “a recluse who kept his dead mother in his freezer” would look exactly like this guy who kept his dead mother in his freezer? - EVEN MONEY

WHAT WE’VE GOT IN THE OFFICE POOL
· Over/Under on total pounds gained by Oddjack editorial staff between Wednesday and Sunday - +/- FIVE
· At what point of the 2006 season will the Mariners realize that signing a catcher that doesn’t speak the same language as his pitchers was probably a bad idea? - OVER/UNDER MAY 23RD
· Over/Under on the number of idiots who will camp out at the Missoula, MT Best Buy on Thursday night just to save another $11 on a DVD player - +/- SEVENTY-NINE

Monday Morning Oddsline

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GIRLS GONE WILD ON THE OVER/UNDER
· Over/Under line on the Christina Aguilera marriage - TWENTY-TWO MONTHS
· Now that she’s out of rehab, Over/Under line on the next Courtney Love incident that puts her back in rehab or court - EIGHT MONTHS
· Over/Under on how soon we’ll see the alleged Britney/Federline sex tap bubble up on the Internet - DECEMBER 20TH

WHAT WE’VE GOT IN THE OFFICE POOL
· When will Detroit finally overtake Camden, NJ as the most dangerous city in America? - 2007
· If Detroit passes Camden in 2007, when will the Robocop Prophecy come true? - 2012
· Over/Under on number of the ten most fattening holiday foods Mom’s trotting out for Thanksgiving dinner - FOUR

Friday Morning Oddsline

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SETTING THE EARLY LINE
· Over/Under on post-Christmas head injuries caused by top ten most dangerous toy Air Kicks Kickaroos Anti-Gravity Boots - +/- 1,500
· Odds that even this isn’t going to help us get laid any more easily - EVEN
· Early line on the possible upcoming fight between Joe Rogan and Wesley Snipes - SNIPES (-240)

WHAT WE’VE GOT IN THE OFFICE POOL
· Opening weekend take for the new Harry Potter movie - $128M
· Opening weekend for Walk The Line - $17M
· Oddjack’s blogger contingent’s expected take at the tables this weekend - OVER $140

Thursday Morning Oddsline

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WE’RE ON A ROLL, WE JUST CASHED…
· Will British dinner honoring Mike Tyson end in a fight, food or other? - YES (+280)
· Who was going to win the Mega Millions Lottery draw on Tuesday - NOT US, AGAIN (-10,000)
· Will last year’s death slow down Marlon Brando’s career? - NO (+160)

WHAT WE’VE GOT IN THE OFFICE POOL
· Can the Philadelphia Eagles still somehow make the playoffs? - NO (-350)
· Over/Under on number of cigarettes we’ll have today, despite pressure from the goddamn liberal media to quit - SEVEN
· With the last five qualifiers officially setting the World Cup lineup, who’s our darkhorse pick to win? - WE DON’T PAY ATTENTION TO NO FOOSBALL IN AMERICA

Wednesday Morning Oddsline

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LA-LA-LAND AND BEYOND
· Odds that Paris Hilton got her pet monkey because he came equipped with a scrub brush, a bottle of rubbing alcohol, and an understanding of how to get past an elastic waistband - 6-1
· Chances you’ll get us out to the theatre this weekend to see the gay cowboy movie - 45-1
· Odds that the “Borat” character from The Ali G Show will ever meet a Kazakhstani, let alone be sued by one - 100-1

HEAD TO HEAD SELECTIONS
· Bird flu vs. Bird vaccinations - BIRD FLU (-180)
· Luke Skywalker/X-Wing Transformer vs. Optimus Prime - SKYWALKER (-110)
· Federline vs. Britney’s Pre-Nup - PRE-NUP (-340)

Tuesday Morning Oddsline

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BETS WE ENDED UP CASHING OVER THE WEEKEND
· Will there be more shootings/stabbings at showings of the 50 Cent movie or The Vibe Awards - GET RICH OR DIE TRYING (-110)
· What will be cancelled first - Martha Stewart’s Apprentice or her unwatchable daytime talk show - APPRENTICE (-180)
· Next former athlete to get arrested for threatening a former girlfriend - OIL CAN BOYD (+550) (Lawrence Phillips’ odds were just too damn low)

WHAT WE’VE GOT IN THE OFFICE POOL
· Percent of Monday Night Football’s viewership that were just a little turned on by Sam Ryan’s discussion of how a “sports hernia” is a muscle tear at the pubic bone - 11%-19%
· When will the 24th tropical depression this season officially become “Tropical Storm Gamma?” - BY 11:30AM EST TODAY
· Will the apparently rekindled romance between Jude Law and Sienna Miller last? - GOOD GOD, WHO CARES

Monday Morning Oddsline

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TEASING THE UPCOMING NCAA HOOPS SEASON WITH STATS
· ACC teams are only 38% against the spread versus teams with coaches who have four times more constanants than vowels in their last name.
· Games featuring ESPN’s Dick Vitale are likely to be at least 50% more watchable than games featuring Brent Musburger.
· Over/Under on number of SportsCenter pieces in 2005-2006 season comparing Kansas’ stellar freshman recruits to Michigan’s Fab Five - NINE

FUROR OVER IRAQ AND TORTURE
· Odds that George Bush didn’t actually mislead the country on pre-war Iraq intelligence - 7-1
· Odds that Vice President Cheney is pushing the torture agenda to help him “convince” the press there was no manipulated/falsified Iraq intelligence - 15-1
· Odds that this is all a smokescreen to keep the American public’s attention from the inherent corruption, crony politics, and back-room deals that… Sorry, we forgot which blog we were writing for just now - EVEN

Thursday Morning Oddsline

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POST-ELECTION LONGSHOTS WE LIKE
· Odds that Hillsdale, Michigan’s new 18-year-old high school student mayor will pass a special ordinance requiring Amy Fitzmiller to go with him to the Prom - 11-1
· Odds that Texas’ new constitutional ban on gay marriage will cause a mass exodus making Oklahoma at least 23% “more fabulous” - 15-1
· Odds that the slew of GOP defeats in gubenatorial races across the country will cause another Dick Cheney heart attack in the next seven days - 25-1

WHAT WE’VE GOT IN THE OFFICE POOL
· Percent of lyrics actually penned by Sharon Stone in Katrina benefit song co-written by three others - 11%-20%
· If TV provides twice as many sex scenes as seven years ago, in what year will the first boob be seen on Fox? - 2009
· Why are we going to see Pride and Prejudice on opening night this Friday? - ONE CHICK FLICK IS WORTH THREE FOOTBALL GAMES

Wednesday Morning Oddsline

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RUMINATING ABOUT YESTERDAY’S UNNERVING T.O. PRESS CONFERENCE
· Over/Under on what percent sincere Terrell Owens’ apology was yesterday - 48%
· Over/Under on Terrell Owens’ next signing bonus after the Eagles release him in the offseason - TWO AND A HALF MILLION
· Over/Under on number of minutes ESPN’s Sports Reporters will run on Sunday before Mike Lupica suffers a fatal Terrell Owens-induced aneurysm - ELEVEN

WHAT WE’VE GOT IN THE OFFICE POOL
· After the failure of four ballot referendums on Election Day, what’s next for Arnold Schwarzenegger? MUST FIND SARAH CONNOR
· Over/Under TEN: Studio executives who will need to be hiring extra security when 50 Cent’s Get Rich… opens with a flop this weekend - OVER
· What’s going to come of the Senate inquiry into record setting oil company profits? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING AT ALL