Josh Arieh: Will There Be A Lei Big Enough To Fit Over His Head?

TAGS: Poker: Josh Arieh

The poker-playing Cinnabon is on the move again as he and his wife prepare for a tough weekend of gambling and hob-nobbing as his deep-pocketed sponsor Bodog sends him off to Hawaii for a “Salute to the Troops” poker tournament. We’ll continue with the obvious jokes:

· Will there be a grass skirt big enough to fit around Arieh’s waist?
· Will he be mistakenly hung over a spit and have an apple stuck in his mouth?
· Can Hawaii’s land mass support the weight of Arieh’s ego without sinking into the Pacific?
· Will Arieh’s ass be used to snub out any potentially active volcanoes on the island?

Thank you, thank you. Tip your steak, enjoy your waitress…

Hawaii Here We Come [Josh Arieh]
Previously: Josh Arieh: Kicking It At Home, Pretending Not to Sulk [Oddjack]

Josh Arieh: Kicking It At Home, Pretending Not To Sulk

TAGS: Cinnabon, Poker: Josh Arieh

Thank G_d we had ESPN pumping WSOP highlights all weekend in preparation for the snooze fest final table of 2005. We could revel in last year’s tournament and get the complete Greg Raymer rundown and feel sated. And, OF COURSE, we absolutely watched highlights of Cinnabon talking shit as he plows through the field, gets scolded by Norman Chad on-air, and get busted on his 9-9.

“BUST THIS MOTHERFUCKER!”

Sigh. Memories.

Anyway, we’re sure you’re all anxiously awaiting what Josh has been doing since he prematurely left Vegas. Well, we are. And, of course, we’ll share. Grab yourself some donuts and your best Guido shirt and enjoy.

Watching the WSOP [Josh Arieh]
Previously: Josh Arieh: Golden Tee Shark or Gay Porn Star? [Oddjack]

Josh Arieh: Golden Tee Shark or Gay Porn Star?

TAGS: Poker: Josh Arieh

So, Josh Arieh is back from the WSOP holed up in his hometown of HOTlanta, hanging out with his family, and single-handedly raising the stock price of Cinnabon. He details his first night back in astonishingly excited detail has he took some of his local townspeople for their rent money playing every Fiji brother’s favorite game, Golden Tee. As usual with Arieh posts, the [sic] is in full effect:
Last night was my first night back in Atlanta and I headed up for a pool tournament and hung out with two of my best friends here in Atl. I lost my first match in the tournament and after it was over the kid says “hey aren’t you that poker guy?” I kinda shrugged the question off and made my way to the Golden Tee game.My buddies made thier way back to the golf game as well, because they know what it means when i sit back there. We are going to find some way to make a bet. 5 hours later the machine is covered in hundreds. I am betting everyone in the poolroom that i can shoot 15 under on the easy course. I am betting at least 6 people and I love seein em cringe!!!! I wanna make it HURT!!!!

Is it just us or does that last sentence sound suspiciously like the dialogue from our favorite gay porno movie, Mo’ Bubble Butt?

GO Mr. Ivey Go! [Josh Arieh]

Josh Arieh: The Michael Jordan of Poker Comes Up Short

TAGS: Poker: Josh Arieh

Unbelieveably, two time WSOP poker bracelet winner Josh Arieh positively pooped himself at the table during the main event and was eliminated. Sucks for him and, especially, sucks for us. What excuse do we have now to needle him with our pointy sticks? It’s ridiculous. We almost wish the dopey sonuvabitch kept going just so we could be there to watch his head swell right before our eyes. That bastard would’ve looked like Rocky Dennis if he made it to the final table. Alas, there is always next year. And we’re positive Josh will keep us updated on anything remotely interesting that happens to him.

WSOP is Officially Over(For Me At Least)[Josh Arieh]
Another Josh Arieh Fan Shows His Appreciation [JoyRide Photo Album]

Josh Arieh: The Love Keeps Rolling In

TAGS: Poker: Josh Arieh

A disgruntled reader e-mails in about two-time WSOP bracelet winner Josh Arieh’s decision to postpone his Atlanta Poker School this year and one guy is not too happy about it:

I’m not a huge fan of Arieh, but my wife bought me the Thursday night at his Poker School as a graduation present. She figured it would be a fun night out of the house. Well what do you know, as soon as he wins the bracelet he fucks those who supported him while he was the most hated Poker player on earth.

Thank you Tony C. We’re hopeful that you go out and buy yourself something nice with your $210 refund you’ll receive from Mr. Arieh. Don’t go blow it on pastries.

Josh Arieh Atlanta Poker School [Atlanta Poker School]
Atlanta Poker School Temporarily Canceled Until Further Notice [Josh Arieh]

Josh Arieh: Half-Heartedly Admits His Poker Shirts Are Retarded

TAGS: Poker: Josh Arieh

Some days life offers up minor miracles just when we need them most—a crippling snow storm, found money, the smile from a pretty girl and…Josh Arieh admitting that his line of poker shirts he’s been trumpeting for a month are pretty shitty. For ten minutes, we’re the happiest kids alive.

The t-shirt’s that I have talked so much about are here and honestly, I am not as happy about them as I thought I would be. After staring at them for hours I came to the conclusion that yes they do kinda look like NASCAR shirts. I promise you this, they look much better in person and with some image sizing and color changes they are good looking shirts. I got an email today about how bad the shirts were getting flamed on the net and I had to see it for myself. Once I started reading the posts I looked at the shirts from a different point of view and came to the same conclusion. There are way too many colors and the images are a bit too big.Before you guys throw me in the frying pan, let me explain. These shirts were face paced and brought to the market way before they were ready.

Frying pan? Noooo. We’re pretty much a face paced operation over here as well, so we don’t have time to do such a thing. Face paced. Heh.

Josh Arieh Poker Garb [Josh Arieh]
The voice of the people [2+2 Forums]
Previously: Josh Arieh: Sweet Mother of Christ, No [Oddjack]

Josh Arieh: Sweet Mother of Christ, No

TAGS: Poker: Josh Arieh

As if we needed anything to say about this besides the fact that we have since had a stomach reversal on our everything bagel and whitefish this morning after reading it:
WORLD SERIES OF POKER CHAMPION DEBUTS PRODUCT LINE
Josh Arieh Reveals Poker Garb Apparel at World Series of Poker Lifestyle Show

Professional poker player and two time WorldSeries of Poker (WSOP) bracelet winner Josh Arieh will debut his new brand PokerGarb at the 2005 World Series of Poker Lifestyle Show (Booth #934) to be held July 6-9 at the Rio Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas, Nevada. He will have teeshirts, trucker caps for purchase and be giving away photo postcards.Throughout the tradeshow Arieh will be present to meet fans and sign autographs. Attendees will be able to register to win a Poker Garb backpackfilled with Poker Garb products. “It is very rewarding to see my vision come to life in such a way that I can sharemy creative side with my fans,” says Arieh who designed the logo and Poker Garb creative concepts. His ideas include “Rev Boy” who is a character whomakes the decision to choose poker as a profession and lifestyle. The evolutionof “Rev Boy’s” decision-making process is illustrated by various images withthemes focusing on: the evolution of a poker player, the decisions a pokerplayer must make and the life of a poker player. Arieh’s designs are unique fromother poker apparel that is currently available as they tap into the psyche ofyoung poker players in a new way…

PokerGarb Press Release [Josh Arieh]
Previously: Josh Arieh: Hero-Worshipping 101 [Oddjack]

Josh Arieh: Hero-Worshipping 101

TAGS: Poker: Josh Arieh

The hero is umasked! Josh Arieh, our giant-nippled poker playing hero(and TWO-time WSOP bracelet winner) has posted about his golfing expedition yesterday and, as we adequately predicted, the “hero” was none other than NBA basketball legend(and six-time NBA champion) Michael Jordan. Observe as the Cinnabon gets butterflies:

I got to the golf course around 9 and had breakfast with a couple buddies and headed out to the range to hit balls. After about 45 I was sick of hitting golf balls and decided to head into the clubhouse to cool off and get out of the 100 degree Vegas heat. I went to the bar to fill up on some water before I headed out. As I made my way back thru the locker room I noticed a pair of white tennis shoes on the ground neatly placed in front of a locker and I thought to myself “cool Phil Ivey is here, those are his shoes”. I casually looked up to see if that was Phil’s locker and chills went down my spine. I read the words “Michael Jordan.” Man, I wanted to steal those shoes SOOOO bad, who cares that they were probably 3 sizes too big, I’d wear them anyway……

The two superior athletes did get a chance to meet and shake hands, but Arieh is still hoping for the opportunity to play a round with MJ on Saturday. But should that event actually take place, we are very certain that Arieh’s slice will be monumental due in part to the incredibly obscene boner he’ll be saddled with in Jordan’s presence. We hope, for his sake, this is not a money game.

Fantasy Golf and ANOTHER Long Day [Josh Arieh]

Josh Arieh: Why Hast Thou Forsaken Me?

TAGS: Poker: Josh Arieh

So, no updates today on whether or not poker playing pie-pants Josh Arieh made passionate man-on-man love with his “hero” while playing golf at Shadow Creek. We’re assuming that Josh was so busy gushing that he lost all track of time and completely neglected his blog for the day. That’s what happens to starry-eyed little girls when they come face-to-face with those they idolize. And that also happens to Josh everytime he passes a pastry shop. Pity. Well, as soon as we get the updates on Arieh’s man-crush, we’ll be sure to adequately flay and slay.

Until then…

Previously: Josh Arieh: The Golf Butt-Buddy Tension Mounts [Oddjack]

Josh Arieh: The Golf Butt-Buddy Tension Mounts

TAGS: Poker: Josh Arieh

After teasing us yesterday with his blog post about possibly playing golf with one of his heroes—who remained nameless—Arieh once again gives us a happy ending-less insight as to whom the poker playing butter chub will be meeting,(apparently, playing golf with this unfortunate heroic individual is no longer an issue, lucky them) but still doesn’t give up the Motts as to who it is:

Man, I tossed and turned in bed for hours and hours last night just awaiting this moment. All my life I dreamed this day would come, and its here. I’m not as stoked as I originally were, I dont think I will get to play in the same group with my mystery man. But I will definitely get to meet him and thats enough for me. Possibly on the second 18 I can be in his group, who knows…I will be back later tonight with the revealing of the name and every last detail about the encounter!!!

You tortuous dickhead! Does Mr. Arieh not realize that some of us have nothing better to do all day than await the answer to this confounding question? Oh, if only we could stumble upon the Rosetta Stone of Josh Arieh’s brain then maybe we could figure out who this hero shrouded in secrecy is. Until then, we shall not rest.

It’s On! [Josh Arieh]
Previously: Josh Arieh: Who’s The Mystery Golfer? [Oddjack]

Josh Arieh: Who’s the Mystery Golfer?

TAGS: Poker: Josh Arieh

Our favorite muffin-cheeked poker player and two-time WSOP bracelet champion, Josh Arieh is taking some time off from poker playing to do the usual: hang with the boys, lament about the fam, and play golf. But, according to his blog, Arieh is not just playing his usual fanny-slapping, beer-guzzling better ball round at Shadow Creek. Nope. This time it’s someone special:

I feel like I am all over the place, because there are other things on my mind. On Wednesday I am supposed to play golf with someone… and you guys are going think I am a liar if I tell you… I will wait till Wednesday to write about it… but I will give you one hint… if there was one person in the world that I would want to play golf with, who would it be??? It’s not that hard, but I will wait to tell yall after it happens, I don’t want to jinx myself.

Hmm. Well, we wonder who this could be? We have our own guesses:

· Michael Jordan—Arieh’s already gone on record about how he “felt” like Jordan after he won his second WSOP bracelet. He admitted that Jordan was his sports hero growing up.

Odds: 1/4

· Tiger Woods—Why wouldn’t the best golfer in the world take some time out to play with best poker player in the world? These two superior athletes are due to share a nice lazy day on the links talking about nut straights, titanium drivers, and their hot wives. And rumor has it that Woods loves pastries almost as much as Arieh. Except, Woods actually hits the gym every once in a while.

Odds: 5/1

· Jesus Christ—The Son of God is a person that would make a great foursome on any player’s team. And Arieh, blessed by him in so many ways, has probably put Jesus on his short-list of potential golf partners a long time ago. Jesus is also a person(ghost? deity? miracle?) we would think he was “lying” about, as noted in his blog. And if Jesus does ever come back to earth again, why wouldn’t it to play golf with our triple-chinned hero? Plus, Jesus hits a big driver and can walk on water—which comes in handy at Shadow Creek where water hazards are in play.

Odds: 33/1

A Day Off! [Josh Arieh]
Previously: Josh Arieh: Firsthand Meathead Madness [Oddjack]

Josh Arieh: Firsthand Meathead Madness

TAGS: Poker: Josh Arieh

Apparently, Oddjack isn’t the only individual on the planet whom thinks that international poker, ahem, “superstar” Josh Arieh is a bit of a nob. Maybe they’re not as obsessive about it, but hey, that’s what we’re here for. Anyway, it turns out that one reader ran into the poker playing Cinnabon during a trip to the Bahamas and, of course, much prickishness ensued:

I was at Atlantis in Nassau, Bahamas for the WPT event in January. I was on vacation, not in the tourney, and spent Saturday playing horses in the sports book.Josh and cronies roll in and set themselves up in front of the TVs. I’m looking at the Form, and I hear the group screaming and urging their horse in a live race running. Five guys, all whooping and hollering. Sure enough, their horse crosses the line and the small group of guys just fucking erupts. High fives, all that shit.I think one of them even yelled “Ship it!” when the horse crossed first.Dude (Cinnabon) walked around like a certifiable genius with his chest out on the way to cash that ticket. Oh, post odds on that horse? 6/5. Nice pick, way to play the chalk there pal. Of course, I’m only bitter because I missed all day long, but come on…

Nope. You’re not bitter at all. Ship it, dude. Ship it.

Previously: Josh Arieh: Leaves Money On His Blog’s Dresser [Oddjack]