Reader Mail: A Poker Public Service Announcement

READ MORE: Poker, Public Service Announcement, Reader Mail

Joe Speaker from The Obituarium sends us an e-mail, which we’ll endorse as a Public Service Announcement:

“I don’t know if Oddjack has done anything like this, but if not, would it be possible to get a “Don’t Tap the Glass” announcement out there so these jackasses don’t kill my Golden Geese?

Situation is this: Big Stack (obviously garnered through Luckbox means) is playing horribly—too many hands, calling pre-flop raises with garbage, like, in this hand, K4o. He flops two pair on an AK4 board and gives a lot of money to AK. The chat:

Big Stack: ur killing me
Poker Expert: calling a raise with k,4 os is killing you
Big Stack: 2 pair
Poker Expert: u called the pre flop raise with k,4 os
big Stack: thought we were gambling
Poker Expert: u r gambling i am playing poker
Big Stack: i thought that is what poker is ?
Poker Expert: well u are playing it wrong!!

Yeah, good idea. Tell a guy with a ton of chips, who’s dying to give them away that he should play differently.”

“Don’t tap the glass” is shorthand for “don’t scare the fish, let him give us his money.” Point taken, message sent. If someone’s offering the table rebates, why are you trying to berate him into being a better player? Let it go, take a deep breath, and sweep the leg when you finally do land a decent hand. Shut the hell up and keep it in your pants.

The Obituarium [Joe Speaker]

That’s Mr. Puss Bag to You

READ MORE: Cinnabon, Josh Arieh, Reader Mail

Yesterday, we said goodbye to Cinnabon and today we get flamed by an irate reader who apparently liked being hit over the head with the same joke 55 times. Or he really hates Josh Arieh. Tough call:

i can’t believe you’re not going to make fun of Josh
Arieh any more. Is there are reason for this? Did he
threaten to sue you or somthing? He’s a douchbag and
needs to be continually ridiculed as much as possible.

you guy are a bunch of puss bags, if you stop.

For the record, we did not get sued. Thank you for asking, however.

Oddjack Loves Our Creepy-Ass Readers

READ MORE: BetUs.com, Boobs, Gambling 911, Nine.com, Oddjack, Reader Mail

Apparently, we’re getting too Safe For Work over here at Oddjack as one desperate reader implores us to please, please, please make Oddjack more wanktastic:

I have been visting you site for a few months now and
really do enjoy the content. You provide relevent(sic)
information and humerous offings, overall a very good
website. I would like to see more pictures of
attractive women on the site. When I first began
visting I would see a few goood pictures a day to
supplment(sic) to meaningful content. However I do not see
that nearly as much. Keep up the good work.

Well, we like attractive women as much as the next greasy perv, of course. We even watched Emanuelle Vs. Dracula last night after the Eagles’ game just to pep our wounded spirits. However, we’ve been instructed to keep the photos of mountain-chested poker players to a minimum, lest we sully the good name of America’s favorite fat man sport. However, we are nothing if not respectful of your needs. Here are a few gambling sites that are quite beav-happy and should make things better:

· Gambling 911 · BetUs.com Locker Room · Nine.com Girls

We, on the other hand, plan to continue to just scare the crap out of you with photos of ESPN Insider columnist Scott Engel:

YAGGGH!!

Which Celebrity Poker Player Would You Like to Bang? [Oddjack]

Happy National (Responsible) Gambling Week!

READ MORE: A's, Baseball, Gambling, Horse Racing, Jason Giambi, Johan Santana, Reader Mail, Yankees

If you’re not a child of the 80s like we are, you probably don’t remember the insanity that was the jelly bracelet fad. Boys, girls, hipsters - everyone had a wrist full of these things. Throw on a neon T-shirt and dump half a bottle of Dep on your head, and maybe you too could join Wham.

As a public service announcement, we’d like to inform middle-America that despite having a rubber bracelet that’s thicker than a jelly, it’s still a rubber bracelet, and you look as ridiculous as Andrew Ridgeley. Not only that, but we’re growing really freaking weary of bracelets and magnetic ribbons being used and abused by every marginal group of lunatics who want to shove their cause in your face.

Yes, we’re irked. But we’ll save the rest for after the jump…

WE WEAR THIS RIBBON IN HONOR OF ALL THE PEOPLE MAKING BRACELETS WORLDWIDE.

Sadly, they’ve gotten to the gambling folk as well with the rubber bracelet thing. No, they’re not meant to be good luck. Hell, if Lance “Nut Cancer” Armstrong is the guy who started the whole stupid craze, then how lucky could these things really be? He had nut cancer. No, they’re meant to show support for responsible gambling. Because it is Responsible Gambling Week.

We’d like to offer our own hints and tips to help you get the most out of Responsible Gambling Week. First, don’t ever wear an item of clothing or jewelry that cost less than a taco to make, but cost more than a quesadilla to buy. That’s rule #1, but that doesn’t just pertain to gaming. How about something a little more helpful?

· Under no circumstances should you bet against Johan Santana. Despite dropping a decision last night, he’s still spitting flames, and is getting ready to take the dual frustrations of his team’s woeful inadequacies and the lack of good South American cuisine in the Twin Cities out on AL batters.
· Don’t put money down that Tom Cruise will split with Katie Holmes. No, he’s probably still never seen Joey’s Potters (take that Mr. Skin!), but rumor has it she’s under contract until 2007. We don’t really believe Tom’s gay though. We think it’s far more insidious - think lawn jockeys.
· Speaking of jockeys, you’re insane if you put money on anyone other than John Velasquez’s mounts in the big races at Saratoga. Dude went under the wire first in four stakes races this weekend, and is kicking the shit out of legends like Jerry Bailey at the Spa.
· This should be obvious right now, but under no circumstances should you put money against the A’s or the Yankees. Jason Giambi somehow found the Fountain of Cream again (14 HR in July), and the A’s have been torching opponents since the kids were still in school. Don’t be the guy thinking he’s going to sell at the peak - you’re usually wrong about such things anyway.
· Don’t bet on hurricanes. That’s just mean.

We want to know what your invariable gambling truisms are. Tell us who you won’t ever bet on - or against. Tell us where you find your best value. Do the Cubs never lose on Wednesdays against Milwaukee? Can you count on a Jets cover against the Bills, but only in November matchups at the Meadowlands? Send them in at tips@oddjack.com, we’ll print our ten favorite.

And gamble responsibly. No Keno. Not even while you’re grazing the Bellagio buffet.

Industry hopes to take stigma from gambling [Norwich Bulletin]