Tomer Benvenisti: Not Happy About Being Called Fat, Italian

READ MORE: Poker Fatties, Poker Players, Tomer Benvenisti

So, we may have deserved this. However, we assure you our praises of Tomer Benvenisti’s girth and gusto were sincere. Yet, Mr. Benvenisti seems to have taken our accolades, um, not well:

HELLO FUCKFACE,

MEET ME AT THE MIRAGE, WHERE I PLAY 40-80 HOLDEM DAILY AND AND TELL ME TO MY FACE YOUR THOUGHTS ON FATFUCKS LIKE ME. I EAT MAGGOTS
LIKE YOU FOR BREAKFAST. OH BY THE WAY, I AM ISRAELI AND WOULD LOVE TO STICK AN UZI UP YOUR ASS.


FAT ASS DREAMS,


TOMER BENVENISTI.

We apologize for assuming Mr. Benvenisti was Italian. That was an egregious oversight and consider this post a correction.

Revel In Your Corpulence: Tomer Benvenisti, Friend to the Fat Man [Oddjack]

Revel In Your Corpulence: Tomer Benvenisti, Friend To The Fat Man

READ MORE: 2+2, Felicia Lee, Gastric Bypass, Poker, Tomer Benvenisti

If stomach stapling is the diet of choice for today’s active poker player (cough), then why does it seem that only mama’s boys and whining little wannabe Zen Buddhists don’t seem to have taken Little Debbie and the Twinkies Cowboy hostage in their jowls?

Like beer-league softball and the great sport of bowling, America has found a pasttime for our morbidly obese. And we’d like to nominate Tomer Benvenisti as the Patron Saint of fat-ass poker players everywhere.

Why Tomer? Well, first off he’s Italian. We fully support the complete range of cured meats that end in vowels, as well as the variety of dishes with awesomely fun names to pronounce like “braciole” and “gabbagool.” Second, he’s delightfully doughy. Look at him, there’s no way he disarms two muggers like Greg Raymer. He’s the perfect role model for today’s sedentary man.

There are lots of fat guys out there to choose from, but give us a guy whose pores reek like the trash can at an Italian deli. Give us a guy who licks his fingers clean, but only after his fifth cannoli has built up the appropriate amount of residue. You can have your Polish and your German tubby folk, give us Tomer Benvenisti and a pound of Prosciutto. He’s the man.

Previously: The Incredible Shrinking Robert Williamson [Oddjack]
Previously: More Gastric Bypass Poker Playing Goodness: Howard Lederer [Oddjack]